VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Sunday, May 02, 2004

The northlondonhippy, he's a little trippy, he's not really a hippy and he types lots of yipppeeees.

Not exactly the catchiest jingle, is it? I never claimed to be any good at marketing or advertising, if you don't like it, don't buy it!

As if I have anything for sale.

I sell my time, that's what working freelance really is...if you give me enough money, I'll drop by your place, watch tv, talk on the telephone and mess about with a PC. I don't come cheap either!

Ooooh, listen to me. A couple of week’s work and I'm full of shit already.

I'm working in a few hours actually, all night. Yippeeee

Actually, I always have a bit of apprehension before work, this was even true when I had a staff job. I don't really know why, but I almost always have butterflies in my stomach until I get there and settle in.

This is especially true of my venue tonight. I've only been there twice so far and really don't have a handle on the job yet. It's very "bitty", the shift is made up of small, specific tasks, done at different times with different requirements. I'm being vague, sorry.

Someone different is training me tonight, someone I used to work with a few years back. This person said nice things about me to the manager in charge, so I am expecting to get more out of my training this time. I've tried to break it down into pieces, make more sense of it, but I think only time and experience doing it will make things clearer.

This is the first of several more full paid training shifts this week, then I will have my first solo shift. Here's hoping I learn enough this week to pull it off. I'm not even sure I can remember my password to the computer network!

I spoke to my father today. I know the subject has been noticeably absent from the blog lately because I hadn't spoken to him in over 2 weeks. That's longer than usual.

I was waiting for him to call me, he's started chemotherapy again and starts radiotherapy this week. I finally rang him today. He sounded bad, the worst he's been so far.

My younger brother spoke to him last night, which meant I was prepared for the decline in his condition. The call wasn't as bad as it could have been, and I am sure they will only get worse. He sounded very frail.

When my brother spoke to my father about a week ago, it was a much different picture. He'd just come back from his first consultation with the radiotherapy doctor, who was apparently very optimistic about "beating the cancer". He told my brother this was the first doctor to give him any hope since his initial diagnosis. He was actually very upbeat about it.

I know there is going to be a bit of up and down, but this one was very confusing. Is my father only hearing what he wants to hear? Does he briefly delude himself into thinking that it can be beaten?

He's not being very accepting of his approaching demise. That's easy for me to say, since I'm not in his position. He's not at peace with life, he is consumed by worries about things he can change or accept. He's still trying to cling to life, no matter what the quality of that time. Again, easy for me to sit here in relative good health and say that, but I would like to think that when my time comes, if I have to face something terminal, I can calmly accept my fate.

It's also occurred to me in a very real way that as the end approaches, every telephone call has the potential to be the last. He's very weak, he could really go at any time.

He's still driving, which is very bad news, especially if you turn out to be the other driver when he another accident. Also, he has to give his live-in home help two consecutive days off a month and this month he has no replacement. That means he would have to take care of my mother on his own.

He says he is fatigued and lacking energy all the time, so how he expects to accomplish this is beyond me. He refuses to hire relief home-help, siting the cost and availability as the reason. Has he phoned any agencies to see what it cost, or how much notice they would need? Has he fuck!

I worry too much about things I can't change. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen no matter what. I'm sure this story still has a couple of twists I've not anticipated, and an ending that will be anything except what I expect.

I've got to get ready for work. I wish I had more sleep today, but what can you do? I'll be back when I can during the week with more exciting tales of the hippy!
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