VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, May 17, 2004

Sorry I haven't been by in the last few days, I haven't been feeling myself. I'll spare you the gory details. I've had a few minor medical problems, which have made me feel quite run down and listless. I think it is all starting to pass and I am on the mend. I hope so anyway.

I took some of my special brain medicine on Saturday, my first sample of a big batch I made the week before. They came out pretty good if I say so myself.

I exercise a bit of quality control and try to insure that each cap has the same amount in them. I also weigh up each dose, subtracting the capsule weight so I know the net amount of shrooms I am taking. I'm responsible, careful and very grown-up about it. So na na na on your face, fucker!

I swallowed 16 capsules on an empty stomach with some juice mixed with Sprite. I know it's a lot of pills to take and I have tried to stuff them with more, but the size I have found only seem to manage about .3grams. That means sixteen of them equal about 4.8grams. They say 10% of a fresh weight is what you should take dry. Having had 48grams fresh, I can tell you that 4.8grams dry is not as strong, but I am always cautious the first time I try a new batch. The effects of this dose were about as expected.

I had some visuals, music sounded much better, but mainly it really screwed with my thoughts. In a good way.

There's talk of mystical or spiritual qualities to shrooms, but I don't really subscribe to that. I believe all drugs can open your mind up in different ways and your personal perspective colours that very much.

For me, on Saturday, I spent several hours contemplating how pointless life really is. I don't mean that in a "downer" way, just an honest assessment of the human condition.

I'll try to explain what I mean, but remember this is all nonsense from a drug addled brain.

Your life, my life, the life of everyone who's ever lived so far is genuinely meaningless in the scheme of the universe. Think about people we study or honour and their impact on our lives. So what, eh?

We spend some much time describing our conditions, explaining about ourselves, about life. All books are just a bunch of words containing the thoughts of someone else. Big deal, all the words are in the dictionary, pick enough of them out in the right order and you can write a book too.

Every story told is just about someone else and whatever it is they did. Again, so what? Whether you live to be 100 or your stillborn, it's still the same net result, you don't exist anymore.

We build things, we travel, we do this, and we do that, so fucking what? If every living thing on the planet disappeared today, what would the net resulting impact be on the universe? Nil, nothing, nowt, zero.

Is it that hard to accept that we don't matter. We make up rules, choose what's allowed and what's not, organise ourselves into complex societies. It's something to do to pass the time.

That's really all we do anyway, pass time. Think about you really enjoy your life? Does anyone? Even the rich and powerful get depressed and sometimes even top themselves.

If you are normal, you get up and go to a job. Do you love your work? Is it what you dreamed of being when you were a kid? I doubt it, most jobs are dull. Who sat around as a kid dreaming of one day being a highly paid accountant?

We pass time, we waste time, no matter what your idea of a pleasurable pursuit is, and you do it to fill the time.

We eat, we sleep, we shit, we fuck and that's about it. All the rest, is masturbation of one form or another. We're born and then we die, what's sandwiched in the middle doesn't make much of a difference really. Even if we make some sort of mark on society, or the world, so what? In a billion years is anyone going to remember Jesus or George Washington or Nelson Mandela? Of course not!

The basic concept of why we are here will never be answered. Even if it was, I'm smart enough to know that the tiny human mind couldn't comprehend the answer anyway, even if it was served up on the proverbial silver platter.

You can put your faith into God or Jesus or Allah or the lizard people or whatever, it doesn't make a fig of difference. There is no point to life on this planet, we are just an infection, a virus on the surface. Eventually, we will be wiped out, one way or another.

Kurt Vonnegut said, and I am paraphrasing loads here, that human beings were cursed the day we stood up and said "I think, therefore I am". Once we figured out how to examine our existence, we were cursed.

We just are, we exist, isn't that enough. You can question it all till you are blue in the face, but you are never, ever, ever going to get a genuine answer that clears up all the mystery.

All this existential bullshit only re-affirmed a decision I made about my life a very long time ago. Just have fun, whenever and whereever possible. Drink, take drugs, fuck who you want, eat what you want, sleep when you want, do what you want whenever you can.

Granted, it's not always possible, but I usually am able to please myself, indulge myself whenever I want. You should too!

I'm not scared of death, not of my own anyway. I believe when you are dead, that's it, you cease to exist in any form. There is no soul that lives on. I'm cool with that.

Of course, I'm also cool with the fact that I might have it all wrong. Yeah, I might. If that's the case, then I'll welcome whatever comes next. I don't think it will be fire and brimstone anymore than I think it will be puffy white clouds and an old man with a long white beard. Whatever it might be is so far from what we are able to grasp in our tiny little insect brains, so why bother trying!

Thank you for riding along on my tangent today, I hope the road wasn't too bumpy.
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