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Monday, November 08, 2004

Do you follow the news?

I do, but I'm a news junkie, as well as being a "media professional".

Ivory Coast....? It's a small west African country and former French colony. It's been in the news in the last couple of days. I could explain all this to you, hippy stylie, but it would be easier for everyone involved if you just clicked here for some background. Go on, what are you waiting for? Click the link, read the story, then come back....

That was quick. Ok, now that you have a handle on what's happening, here's the hippy theory, written as a scene from bad a movie:


George W Bush is sitting at his desk in the Oval Office of the White House. Condoleeza Rice is sitting with him. He is colouring in a map of the world, Condie is trying to teach him which country is which.

Condie: No, sir, that's not Germany, it's Australia.

George W Bush: Dangnabbit! I really thought I was getting somewhere.

Offscreen: Voice on intercom: Mr.President, Karl Rove to see you.

GWB: Go on, send him on in here.

Karl Rove enters the Oval Office.

Rove: George, good news. Operation "Sacre screw 'em" is going forward!

GWB: Karl, remind me again what that one is.

Rove: Well sir, we've put one of our agents in Abidjan, he's bribed the government and the military.

GWB: Just hang on a goshdarn second Karl, who the heck is Abby John and why is someone inside her? Sounds a bit rude me. We don't talk that way about women where I come from.

Rove: Sir, Abidjan isn't a person, it's a place. It's a city in the Ivory Coast.

GWB: Ivory Coast? Is that where the soap comes from?

Condie: No, sir, it's in West Africa.

GWB: West Africa, is that old Europe or new Europe?

Condie: Sir, it doesn't matter where it is, all you need to know is it's a former French colony.

GWB: Is this to do with my mortal enemy, Jack Shitsac?

Rove: You mean Jacques Chirac, sir.

GWB: Sheerack, Shitsac, I hate that sum'bitch.

Rove: I know, sir, that's why you will like this. We've bought the Ivorian government. They're in our back pocket. I used some of the leftover money from your campaign fund. They'll do anything we tell them to do.

GWB: So we bought the gov'ment, so what? We own loads of them already.

Rove: Sir, I've asked them to attack the French peacekeepers. It will cause loads of problems for Chirac.

GWB: Beekeepers? What's that French sum'bitch care about a bunch a beekeepers? Has he got a sweet-tooth? Are we gonna cause a honey shortage in Frenchland?

Well, you get the idea. Suppose, after his big election victory, George W wanted a little something extra to cheer himself up? Would it surprise you if the Americans had a sly, secret hand in the unrest in the Ivory Coast? It wouldn't surprise me.

You think I'm joking, but the bad feeling between France and America has only gotten worse since the election. I would not put it past them to stir up some shit to make things uncomfortable for Jacques Chirac. America's gotten up to worse than this in the past, this is well within their capabilities.

I could be wrong, but if I turn out to be correct, remember you heard it from the hippy first!
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