VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

After yesterday's virtual online shroomin' fun-fest, I had quite a relaxed, mellow day today.

I didn't get up to much at all, my day lacked any real constructive activity. I popped up to my local high street, collected my recently ordered contact lenses and did a quick shop at the supermarket. Today, I was a resident of Dullsville, population: one crazeeeee hippy.

Every day can't be a party, no matter how hard I try. I didn't really have the energy to do much of anything. It's only now I've even bothered to log in, blog on and hang out with you supercool hippyfans.

I guess what I mainly did today, was reflect on the state of my own existence. I've come to the conclusion that I'm an internet weirdo. I said so myself in the entry below this one. It’s not that hard being an internet weirdo, maybe you're one too.

By weirdo, I don't mean I lurk in chatrooms, trying to find teenagers to abduct. What I mean is that I have this odd little site and I share much of my unusual life with the wider world. The fact that I come online and brag about it makes me an internet weirdo.

I didn't set out to become an internet weirdo, but it seems to be how I've ended up. I started out looking for drugs on the internet, spliff, legal highs, you name it. I found shrooms, I was inspired to blog about it, the rest, as they say is history. It all happened organically, without any real planning.

Some people are born to be weird; others have weirdness thrust upon them. Weird is not a bad thing. Some of my best mates are pretty weird.

I never could have dreamt that I would have tried to give my car away to promote this blog. I certainly never imagined I would be the host of a virtual online shroom session. If you told me a year ago, I'd become the "biggest internet celebrity no one's ever heard of", I would have just laughed in you face, just like this: Ha, ha ha, ha ha ha ha.

See, I'm being weird again. Do I make you nervous? Do you clutch your valuables just a little bit tighter when you visit my blog? Do you fasten the top buttons on your blouse? Do you hide the really sharp objects?

Don't worry, I may be an internet weirdo, but I'm a fairly harmless one. Unless you're a big bag of weed, in which case meeting me could be lethal and I might make you disappear.

Here in England, eccentricity isn't just tolerated, its positively encouraged. Perhaps that's why I've settled here, my weirdness goes unnoticed. I can weirdly move amongst the normal people, blending in, without attracting any attention.

And I don't attract any attention really at all. I know I've said this before, but I'm fairly invisible.

Often, I am stoned out of my mind, wandering around in public, shopping, dining in finer fast food restaurants with scarcely anyone registering my presence. It's quite a skill actually. If you're going to be weird, try not to let anyone else catch on, just to be safe. Always be clean, neat and relatively presentable and you can get away with anything.

None of my neighbours know of my secret weirdness, I'm just the quiet guy who they don't see around very often. Little do they know, that often I'm behind the net curtains, naked and shroomed up, obsessively watching their every little move.

No, not really. Well, maybe the naked and shroomed part, but I don't spy on my neighbours. They're actually duller than I am, unless they're having a domestic and police are called. That's always worth twitching the curtains for, I love an eyeful of real life drama and street theatre. As long as I'm not involved, that is. I don't like it when bad things happen to good hippies.

So I'm weird, so what? If you spend any time reading this blog, you're probably weird too. Welcome to the club, fucker, should I issue you a membership card or will you just get it tattooed backwards on your forehead, so you can read it in the mirror?

One of the items I had delivered on Friday is a SMOKE BUBBLE. It's an inexpensive vaporiser that works quite well and now that I've tried it, I wanted to give it a proper northlondonhippy endorsement. It's worthy of your hard-earned cash and at £12.99, it's a genuine bargain. Most vaporisers cost five times that or more, so it's a real winner.

I also have a VAPUREYES VAPORISER, which costs considerably more than a Smoke Bubble and works OK, but I am not as impressed with it. A lot of people find me when they search for the Vaporeyes, so here's my definitive advice: If money's an issue, it's not worth it, but if you can afford it and like cool toys, go for it. It'll impress your friends. If you want value for money, go for the Smoke Bubble, its simple, elegant and does the job just as well.

If you're really rich, there's even fancier, more expensive vaporisers, but not for this hippy, at least not right now. Though I haven't checked my lottery ticket yet, so who knows, I could be filthy fucking rich and not even know it! Keep dreamin' you crazeeee internet weirdo!

Besides, I still hope to purchase a car and the new computer decision is imminent. Mrs. Hippy wants me to give the G5 iMAC another chance, she likes the idea of it too. Actually, I think she would like to see one for herself as well. The concept and design is very impressive, though I wish it wasn't white. I need to get to grips with the operating system, which means spending more time in the shop having a play around.

Nothing like that will be happening this week. From Monday night, I am working six nights in a row. So I start on the Monday night and go straight through until the following Sunday morning. I'm hardcore, fuckers! I'm also raking in some much-needed moola, 'cause you know new computers and quality pre-owned cars don’t come cheap!

This hippy comes cheap though! So if you need some live entertainment for your next social event, be it a wedding, bar mitzvah or funeral, I'm now taking bookings for personal appearances.

Basically, for a negotiable fee, I'll turn up at any event, take a big phat load of shrooms and proceed to entertain everyone with my outlandish antics. I'll tell stories, sing songs, expose my penis, do interpretive dances and touch-up all the hot women. I bet you can feel the fun already or is that just my hand on your knee.

Live bands are out, DJ's are so passe. Forget magicians and clowns, what are you a kid in the 70s? No, what your party needs is the northlondonhippy! Email me for my affordable rates.

Please note: My travel costs, drugs requirements and hookers will be charged as additional expenses. They will be billed at cost, plus a 10% handling fee. No credit cards, cheques or IOUs, cash only please. Book early to avoid disappointment. Just put "Yipppppeee I want the hippy for my party" in the subject line of your email for prompt attention and my people will get back to you.

Ok, it will be me getting back to you, but I’ll put on a funny voice, so you don’t think it’s me.
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