VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, January 31, 2005

THE DEADLINE IS APPROACHING! CLICK HERE TO SHROOM WITH ME!

Yo fuckers! How’s things? Are you all well? Good, that’s what this hippy likes to hear!

Did you enjoy my exclusive interview with the most powerful idiot on the planet? Well, I was very pleased to bring that historic chat to you!

Are there other world leaders or persons of note that you would the hippy to grill? Send your suggestions to northlondonhippy@yahoo.co.uk and I’ll see what I can do! Long distance phone charges are not a worry, I don’t mind spending a little dosh to bring you what you need!

I had quite a sleepy day yesterday, crashing out from about 10am to around 4pm, then out like a light again around 11:30pm and finally up this morning at 7:30am. You’d think I’d feel refreshed, rested and ready to rock, but then you’d be thinking wrong.

I’m getting old, I can feel it in my bones. At the tender, youthful age of 42, I think I might actually be slowing down a bit. That is totally no fun!

But don’t worry, I’ll be ready to party like a motherfucker on Saturday, if you turn out to be the lucky winner, be ready to get down! Just don’t bring your mother, ‘cause you know what I’d do to her! And I might make you watch!

Hippy, sometimes you’re sick!

Here’s a memory for my American hippyfans: Do you remember a an actor and comedian called Redd Foxx? He was the star of the 70’s sitcom, “Sanford and Son”.

(FYI: My British friends, “Sanford and Son” was the American version of “Steptoe and Son”, the British sitcom, which came first. It was considered groundbreaking television in America because it was re-cast in the states with mainly black actors at a time on tv when that was very rare.)

Well, Redd Foxx was also a stand-up comedian, who was known for working very “blue”. His act was quite rude and frequently “obscene”. “Obscene” is in quotes, because obscenity is in the eye of the beholder, and if you’re like me, you don’t find much of anything offensive.

Redd Foxx had an uncensored HBO special in the 70s, which as a teenager I got to see. My parents really never stopped me from watching anything, which was quite cool of them when you think about it. Mr. Foxx’s special was really dirty.

One of the bits he did went something like this. Please forgive my paraphrasing, but I hope you get the idea:

Redd Foxx: (to audience member) Hey, is that your wife?

Audience Member: (nods)

RF: And you have kids with your wife?

AM: (nods again)

RF: And you still have sex with your wife?

AM: (nods again)

RF: Well, you know what that makes you? (AM shrugs) A motherfucker!

(Audience laughs)

RF: Yeah, man, you be a motherfucker! Haha, you’re laughing. I bet you never thought you’d be laughing if a black man called you a motherfucker!

(Audience goes wild!)

Back in the olden days, you know, the 70s, this was primo comedy material! I bet “Sanford & Son” is still being repeated on independent tv stations around the US of A. Well, that’s one of Redd’s jokes that never made the show!

He died in 1991, but he was funny, he was an original. He made this hippy laugh!

I’m planning on having an easy day today. I’m going to do a load of washing-up, I’m going to change the sheets on the bed, visit the supermarket (in my Yaris!) and maybe, if I have time, head up to an auto shop to pick up some bits I need for the car.

I might investigate the possibility of changing the stereo in my car, but something tells me it won’t be easy. I’ve also been thinking about getting a GPS thing for the car, they have come down in price quite a bit. There’s one that uses a Windows PDA to give you 3D graphic maps and spoken road instructions that’s selling for under 300 quid. It’s tempting, especially if I don’t spend any dosh on a new stereo.

I’ve already done my most important act of the day, which is to order some fresh shrooms for Saturday! Instead of the Colombians I was expecting to order, I’ve gone for a strain that has only become available in the last fortnight or so, that come from the Philippines. They are touted to be stronger than Colombians, but not as strong as Hawaiians and they are in the p.cube family.

If you would like to see the very shrooms I've ordered you can, by clicking RIGHT HERE, then scrolling down around 1/4 of the page. Yes, the Philippines strain, that's the one.

I ordered 100grams, so there will be plenty for one lucky hippyfan and me to enjoy. I’ve also still have some of the Hawaiians left as well, so we could mix them, if we wanted. It’s even crossed my mind that I could have a wild morning on Weds, after work with the Hawaiians, since I am only working one night this week, Tuesday and still have a reasonable amount left. I need to use 'em before they go off.

The possibilities are endless! But then remember, fuckers, I live in a world of infinite possibilities, don’t you?

But there’s one possibility, which I’m sure you are praying for and that’s the chance to win my contest. One lucky hippyfan will be visiting my lair in fabulous north London this Saturday, for an afternoon of fresh shrooms, spliffs, soft drinks and the pleasure of my rather weird and twisted company.

We’ll watch the coolest music videos, check out my Laserpod (complete with fresh batteries), dance naked together behind my net curtains while spying on my neighbours while performing acts of oral love on one and other.

Ok, there won’t really be any naked dancing or oral love, unless you’re willing to pay extra and you’re a “super-hot-female” like Gwen Stefani. Hey, she’s married to a Brit, maybe she’s in London this weekend and I’ve already got her entry. Gwen, you can shroom with me, anytime!

And if Mrs. H is reading this, well, you know, it’s just a bit of fun, ummmm, I don’t really fancy Gwen Stefani. I’ve only got eyes, for you! So if I wore a blindfold while pleasuring Ms. Stefani, that would be OK!

This hippy might be easy, but dammit I’m not cheap!

So if you want to enter the contest, you better hurry, the deadline is about 48 hours away! Just click that link at the very top of this posting. Click it, CLICK IT!

I’ve decided, since I’m such a night person, that I would like to have my own overnight radio show. Naturally, my first choice for this would be to convince VIRGIN RADIO to hire me. They’re my favourite station in the UK, I dig their playlist and I think they would be down with my hippy-sense of humour.

It would be pointless to try to approach them directly, since I would come off like the nutter I really am. Instead, what I need to do is get an agent to pimp my hippy ass out to them. I mean, come on, nothing but the truly unbalanced and mentally unstable listen to the radio all night, I’d be the perfect person to entertain them. I speak their language!

Besides playing music, I’d tell jokes, do my “hippy drug rants”, smoke spliffs, maybe even shroom and I’d really enjoy taking phone calls from my legions of listeners.

And let’s face it, I’ve already got an instant audience, thanks to you, my loyal legions of hippyfans! It wouldn’t matter if you were in the UK or not, since Virgin Radio is streamed on the internet, you could be down with the hippy where-ever you are!

You can help me with this already! I would like all of my hippyfans to start emailing Virgin Radio, demanding they give me an overnight time-slot. Tell them you want your hippy! Dig it, fuckers!

I’d be good on the radio, I’ve perfected my northlondonhippy comedy voice, I’m quick and clever and I would increase their market share in that timeslot in no time flat!

Hey Virgin Radio, you should be down with the hippy! I’ll work cheap! Well, not that cheap, but I won’t cost as much as Pete ‘n’ Jeff or that turncoat Jezza, who left you for another, lesser station! Get in touch, fuckers, you know it makes sense!

If you’re going to dream, kids, dream big! No sense wanting little things when you can go after the really big things as well!

You might be laughing, but it’s possible, they could give me my own radio show. If you were the station manager, I’m sure you’d have the vision and imagination to see that I would be an amazing addition to your roster of talent. I’d be entertaining, controversial and most of all fun!

I’d be happy to do a shift for free, just to show you what I can do! Call me, email, just get in touch!

Well, I guess it’s time I kicked my rather easy day into gear. Up next is a shower, followed by a trip to my local supermarket. Perhaps I’ll come back later, but I am overdue in making a fresh entry on my super-secret, fictional blog. A very large development is about it hit my protagonist and it won’t be long before I start promoting it properly.

Maybe catch you later, fuckers!
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