VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

I'm a very bad hippy...

I was thinking about this earlier and I'm actually a very bad hippy.

 

I didn't set out to be one, but I think if I tested this, it would prove to be true. Perhaps not by my standards, but I would come out "bad", based upon an "objective test".

 

The test I have in mind will involve 10 questions, which you at home can answer too.

 

My test is based on "The Ten Commandments" which some people think were handed down by a supreme being often referred to as "god".

 

Now, I've seen the film and "god" was an off-screen voice over and he gave the stone tablets to Charlton Heston, who is/was the head of the NRA in America. This has nothing to do with anything really, I'm just rambling.

 

Here's the northlondonhippy "are u a bad person" quiz (my personal answers appear underneath each question):

 

1) "You shall have no other gods besides Me.

- Broken. I don't really have any god, unless you wish to count my mushroom god.

 

2) "You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the water under the earth.

- Not broken. I've never made any idols, but I like Pop Idol and I don't think that counts

 

3) "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.

- Broken. Jesus H. Christ is one of my favourite exclamations, so is goddammit.

 

4) "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

- Broken. I work shifts, which means I potentially can be working any day of the week.

 

5)  "Honour your father and your mother
- Broken. And badly. Enough said. Re-read previous entries if you want more details.

 

6) "You shall not murder.

- Not broken. But I live in hope, grrrrrrrr

 

7)  "You shall not commit adultery.

- Broken. Not since I've been with Mrs. Hippy though, but in the past....

 

8)  "You shall not steal.

- Broken. When I was about 4, I nicked a GI Joe doll from the playground. I gave it back

 

9) "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

- Broken. I make stuff up about them all the time. Their real lives are dull, so I need to do it.

 

10 "You shall not covet you neighbourÂ’s house; your neighbourÂ’s wife or his ass or anything that belongs to your neighbour."
- Broken. I covet my neighbour's car, it's a Porsche, or "mid-life crisis mobile" as I like to call them. But I don't covet his house, his wife or his ass. Well, I guess I might covet his wife's ass a little bit though.

 

Scoring:

1 point for each commandment you've broken.

0 points for each commandment you've obeyed.

 

How'd you do?

 

I scored an "8", which makes me a very bad boy indeed. All I need to do is construct a false idol and murder someone and I'd have a perfect score. Note to hippy: Must try harder!

 

According to the bible, which is not a book this hippy has read much of, if you scored more than "zero" on my little test, you're condemned to burn in hell eternally. Don't worry, you'll be in very good company and you will finally get that chance to meet this hippy!

 

Speaking of meeting the hippy, I've had a chance to think a bit about running another "shroom with the hippy contest" and I've made my decision. Just now.

 

The contest is a go'er! Yipppppeeeeeeeee!

 

I've still got to work out potential dates and I want to give lots of notice. I'm thinking sometime in Feb. Don't worry, I'll promote the hell out of it once I can pin down a definitive date.

 

The contest will be open to anyone over the age of 18 who can easily visit my lair in fabulous north London; travel costs will not be included.

 

What will be included is an afternoon of "shrooming with the hippy", which would consist of visiting me at my place for some fresh shrooms (dosage suitable for your experience level), some good spiff, soft drinks, music videos and several hours of the the weird and twisted company of the "most shroomtastic stoner on the internet", yours truly, the northlondonhippy!

 

Who wants to win the National Lottery, when you can win an afternoon of shrooming with me? Camelot eat your hearts out!

 

Entering the contest is free; all you will need to do is send me an email. But not yet, wait until I fix the date. You wouldn't want to win and then discover you're not available on the day of the shrooming! That would suck a big, wet, hairy one. Bummer, man.

 

Can you feel the anticipation building already? The 'net will be buzzing like crazy once word of the impending contest begins to spread. As soon as all the details are confirmed, I'll post them here in the blog. Expect an official announcement later this week.

 

How cool is that? Now we all have something to look forward to in our otherwise bleak and dreary existences! Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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