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VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Hey fuckers! What do we know about plans and hippies? And how many entries have I started just like that? More than this hippy can count!
Absolutely nothing I had planned in the last 24 hours came even remotely close to my expectations. So much for my big anniversary week and all that shit being great!
The beginning seems like a sensible place to start. I arrived home after work at a reasonable time, chilled out for about an hour and then departed for central London and a simple shopping trip to pick up one item.
The shop was called Turnkey and the item was the Edirol UA-25.
I had a rather gruelling ride on a near rush-hour tube train. The train was quite crowded and I was wedged into a corner surrounded by tall people. It wasn’t fun.
I arrived in the West End at about 10am and had a short walk to the shop from the station. Once I arrived at Turnkey, it was not long open. Actually, I was the first customer.
I went to the computer music counter and stood there for a short while, checking the shelves for my UA-25, but I didn’t see one. I did locate one in a display case though.
There was a geek behind the counter, playing with his computer and ignoring me.
Finally, I asked him for the UA-25, he peered up at the same shelves briefly, them went back to his computer only to utter a few seconds later “it’s out of stock”.
Now, as you loyal hippyfans know, that while I’m a keen consumer, whenever I try to spend any money, it often goes badly, or at least is more complicated than it should be. Why was I so surprised this time.
And as a keen consumer, naturally I checked Turnkey’s website to insure they had the item in-stock. And of course, it said they did, or I would not have wasted my time going there.
So I asked the geek behind the counter about this and he explained the website wasn’t connected to their stock control system. Clever, eh?
I then asked what would have happened if I ordered one online. He said I would have received an email telling me it was on back order. Very impressive, isn’t it?
The only way to check Turnkey’s stock in their shop on Charing Cross Road online is to order it, wait to see if you get an email, then cancel the order if they have it, then go to the shop. Excellent.
I was really pissed off by this. The geek didn’t seem to mind so much when I stormed out of the shop.
I wasted nearly 2 hours and five quid going there after working 72 hours in six nights. I think I have a right to be pissed off, don’t you?
That’s why I have decided to name and shame Turnkey for their shabby customer service practises. They can suck my hippy cock, I won’t be shopping with them any more.
Instead, when I got home, I ordered one from another website, where they said they had one in-stock. I’m hoping it will be with me very soon, otherwise I’ll be letting you all down on the promised release of my first hit single, “Gimme a yipppeee”. I hate letting my hippyfans down, but sometimes there are reasons beyond my control.
Without the UA-25, I won’t be able to connect my guitar, mic or keyboard to my new 20” G5 iMAC properly.
They are cunts and they can slow me down, but they can’t stop me!
Anyway, once I ordered the UA-25, I was in a near spending frenzy. Phase II of my all new digital lifestyle will be arriving this week.
Besides the very useful and well-designed UA-25, I’ve also ordered my SONY PCR HC42E True Widescreen camcorder, plus extra battery, charger and DV cable, all from the same company.
Then, from my friends at Amazon, I ordered an inexpensive, lightweight camcorder tripod. It was really cheap, only 17 quid and comes highly recommended. You can’t go wrong at that price, can you? The Sony version was five times as expensive, though it did include camera controls on the pan-arm. So fucking what?
From another company, I ordered the MS Intelliwheel Bluetooth mouse, to replace the Apple one-button mouse I am currently using. I’m missing the 2nd button and the scroll wheel very much.
I also ordered some blank DV tapes and some blank DVD-R’s. That’s enough spending for one day! It should all be arriving this week, if I’m lucky.
Phase three involves upgrading my video and music software from iMovie HD and GarageBand to Final Cut Express and Logic Express. I’ve also got my eye on a Maxtor One-Touch, USB2-Firewire, 300gb external hard drive (7200rpm!) and a controller that makes recording music and editing video a bit easier - it’s a jog/shuttle wheel thingy, oh I’ll just post a link when I order it, then you can see for yourself.
And I’m sure there’s other little bits and pieces I need as well, but once phase 2 arrives, I can get started!
What is it I’m going to be starting? I’m not 100% sure yet. That's ok, I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my blog and look how much fucking fun I've had!
I already know I do want to start recording music again. I’ve also got an idea for making some funny, short films starring myself, but I don’t know if you’ll ever get to see them. Only if they are really funny and I release them under a name other than the hippy, that is.
This hippy will remain anonymous forever, or at least for as long as I can. You’ll hear me singing my my first single, when I record it, though I might use enough effects that no one could even recognise it. We’ll have to wait and hear.
Once I finished my manic spending spree, I chilled out for a few hours, until around 1:45pm when something unexpected happened. My power went out. No shit.
Don’t worry, this hippy pays his bills, I wasn’t cut off by Mister Electricity Man. Oh no, my entire neighbourhood was out. So much for my all-new digital lifestyle, it was well and truly fucked.
I stayed awake a while longer, waiting for the power to return, but it didn’t, so I went up for a nap. I slept until 2:45am, when the power returned and I woke up.
That means I didn’t have any juice for 13 hours! It sucked, it was like living in the stone age. I thought I was going to have to eat grubs and berries for the rest of my weird and twisted life. Thankfully now I won't have to, I'm back in the 21st century with the rest of you!
And that’s right kids, I’ve been awake for nearly five hours already and it’s only 7:45am north London time.
I’m fucked, and my body clock is spinning out of control, like one of those comedy clocks in a movie that shows the passage of time. You know what I mean, fucker!
So all in all, I haven’t exactly hit the ground running this week. The trip to IKEA today has been postponed because Mrs. Hippy’s sleep has been just about as disrupted. And I’ve got all those deliveries to wait for, they could start arriving anytime from tomorrow or even today, if they really want to shock me.
Now how about some better news?
I hit another whopper of a milestone with this blog yesterday. My hitcounter surpassed 2,000 individual visitors. That’s amazing, as it only clocked 1,000 in the first week of January. Well done to all of you for coming back lots and lots.
Obviously, I’m either a figure of worship or ridicule. I’m not bothered either way. I’m still diggin’ being the hippy and you’re all still diggin’ whatever it is I do here. Oh yeah, that “special brand of drivel” nonsense.
"I'm still blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for you!"
A lot has changed for me in the last year, from my job right through to the other secret, fictional blog to my all-new digital lifestyle. And how could I forget the passing of my father?
I couldn’t. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about him or missed him, very much. That’s brought the tone right down, hasn’t it?
Let’s get back to the fun, I know that’s what you’re really here for!
There’s a genuine, palpable buzz pervading the internet this week, if you’re quiet and you listen hard enough, you can actually hear it. Maybe even sense it, if you are tuned in and so inclined.
It’s all to do with my big first anniversary online and the approach of the even bigger VOSS.
If you haven’t bothered to click on the handy link I’ve been providing on every entry, explaining what a VOSS is and how you can join this one, shame on you, fuckers!
But it’s not too late, you can register anytime, including once the big fuck-off VOSS starts. Registration is open until the VOSS closes and I'll be available online via Yahoo messenger if you have any problems.
You’ve really got no excuse. I’ll be there and I’ll be crushed if you don’t come too! But I do understand, this hippy is quite sympathetic.
If you have genuine responsibilities which prevent you from virtually spending the day off your face on shrooms with me this Saturday, it’s not your fault. Perhaps you need to work, or visit sick relatives or whatever.
Your life is probably as complex as mine, maybe even more so. I can dig it.
If, however, you are free and available, you have no excuse. All you need is the time, a computer, a net connection and a hotmail or passport account from MSN. Oh and some magic mushrooms or other equally mind bending drug. And yes, booze fucking counts, fuckers!
If you can’t make it and you still want to help me celebrate my first anniversary, I’ll welcome your comments, emails and offers of sexual favours, And needless to say, I wouldn’t say “no” to some free drugs either!
I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve been craving some MDMA powder and don’t have a source for any. If you do, just fucking send me some.
Unless you’re a hot teenage girl, in which case you can deliver it in-person. Mrs. H won’t mind, she said since it’s my anniversary week, I can shag all the hot little hippyfan chicks to my hearts content.
Ok, she didn’t really, but she did say she would surgically remove my balls if I so much as wrote about it again. Ut-oh, where’s the goddamn delete key on this iMac? Nothing’s the same as Windows!
But that brings me to my other, fictional blog which funnily enough is mainly about sex, though recently my character has acquired a taste for charlie as well. I had to connect it to this blog somehow!
My younger brother has been seeding the internet with links to that blog and since he has, the hit counter has gone crazeeeee!
In the last week, it went from around 350 since I started it in December, all the way up to over 1,200 individual visitors. Yipppeeee for that.
And many of the people who’ve come, have sent the link to other people or posted it online on other websites. Word is getting out, many are coming back for more already.
And because of the power cut yesterday, I wasn’t able to post a new entry as I had planned. I’ll do it today though, it’s mostly written already, I’ll just complete it and give it an edit to reflect that it’s not the day I had planned. It shouldn’t take me too long and I’ve got nothing else to do today.
I really want to make some money out of that blog, I just don’t know how. If you have any suggestions, or ideas, please, please, please get in touch. I’ll cut you in for a percentage if it works.
Anyway, I just sat down to bash out a quick entry and I’ve already hit four and a half pages in my word processor. Since I’ve lost things on Blogger, now I always right them offline and save them before posting them. I’m a careful hippy, that’s for sure.
It’s my big first anniversary week, don’t forget the actual day is Friday and the celebration is Saturday during the big VOSS. I hope you’re going to help me celebrate somehow. Remember, if you can’t make the big VOSS, you can always email me. It’s email@example.com
Wouldn’t it be great if I woke up on Friday morning and ran downstairs to the computer, checked my email and found my inbox just chock full of your best wishes? It would be just like ALL MY northlondonhippy dreams came true at once!