VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Friday, April 22, 2005

I’ve still got more Gmail invites than I know what to do with. I could give one to you, but you have to say ‘please’! Click here for the details!

Ok. Sorry I haven’t been here in a while. I’m shit, but at least I’m honest.

That’s ok, though since there haven’t been that many of you around either.

I got back home late on Wednesday, following quite an eventful return to the UK.

The flight was pure fucking hell in the skies. The fact that I didn’t try to down the aircraft mid-flight is a testament to my incredible powers of self control. I should be a saint. St. Hippy of North Fucking London!

A life sentence in a Spanish mainland prison seemed briefly preferable to four hours trapped on a 737 filled with the worst possible low-life chavscum imaginable. If I ever even consider getting on one of these shitty charter flights again, please, just shoot me through the skull with a large calibre round!

I was in a row of three seats, on the isle, Mrs. H was across the isle in the other section. To my right were 2 horrible women and an uncontrollable toddler probably under 2 years old, climbing all over them. They were vile and unpleasant and I despised them. Behind me was the father of the child and a slightly older kid. When I offered to switch seats, the father refused. He was a cunt of the highest order and I was left trapped with his scum family. They even changed the kid’s diaper, a stinky mess of a number two, without going to the loo.

To give you an idea of how scummy all of these people were, at one point, Mrs. H went to use the toilet and before she went in, the chief stewardess was checking to see that she had shoes on. Why? Because some pig pissed all over the floor in the toilet!

If it’s not a scheduled flight, if I’m not in business or first class, I’m not going! I just can’t take it!

Oh, but dear reader, the tale doesn’t end there, oh no, not by a long shot!

When we arrived at Gatwick, Mrs. H collapsed in the arrivals area. She hadn’t been well while we were away and the flight only made her worse. We left the airport in an ambulance, without passing go and collecting our luggage or immigration.

Once at the hospital, they ran a battery of tests on Mrs. H, and they all came back negative. The chest x-ray was clear and all of her blood tests, all five vials, were fine. They said she had some sort of chest infection, probably viral and they sent us home with instructions for cough syrup, tea with honey and lemon and some pain medication, but no antibiotic, since they said it wouldn’t help.

Poor Mrs. H still has her cough and is still feeling quite poorly.

We then had to get home from the hospital, which involved a 2 and 1/2 hour minicab ride from hell, with a nice driver who was terrified of getting lost on the way back. I was exhausted by the time I arrived home, drained from the reassurances I had to give this driver that he wouldn’t get lost!

Take it from me, stay home. Holidays are for suckers! Make your every day life a holiday!

I had to return to Gatwick on Thursday to collect our bags, which was a surprisingly smooth operation. Gatwick is extremely far from my north London lair, but I was able to make the entire trip, on public transportation no less, in under 4 hours. Trust me, for London, that’s impressive.

I was suppose to work tonight, but because Mrs. H is still unwell, I’ve had to take the night off, but I’m working Saturday and Sunday nights as planned.

I’d like to write more, but I spent way too much time writing an entry in my other blog. I really am going to wrap it up this week, no joke, no lie. I’ve run out of steam and it’s always better to quit while you’re on top anyway. And yes, that blog is way on top, with more hits, more pages, more everything than this one.

Let’s face it, even fictional sex is more interesting than my life!

Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon to tell you all about my all new digital holiday experience. I’ve got 57 excellent still photos and around 20 minutes of raw video to turn into the ultimate holiday comedy video extravaganza, which won’t be available on DVD at your favourite high street retailer.
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