VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Ola, por favour!

Yep, that´s the limit of my Spanish. Luckily, everyone here in paradise speaks English, though German is far more popular with the tourists. Germans love holidays almost as much as they love getting in my goddamn way.

Here´s the thing and of course I don´t mean to be racist, but...

Germans never watch where they´re going. They´re always looking one way and walking another. They bump into you a lot. They´ve also never heard of queuing up, that quaint British pastime us Londoners know and love so much. They´re rude, loud, pushy, arrogant and my hotel is filled with them.

Mrs. H speaks fluent German (as well as French, Dutch and a smattering of Spanish - she´s seriously multilingual) which is always a good laugh, as she can translate their awkward comments for me. What she won´t do is tell me how to say "cunt" in Deutsche, so I can express myself more fully to them. Damn shame.

I didn´t sit down here, at this PC with it´s limited, cutdown version of Internet Explorer and 6 euro an hour price tag to slag off the Germans, but they´ve been pissing me off. So there!

Enough. Besides, this blog is still pretty dead. If you´re lucky enough to be reading this, you´ve stumbled on one of the best kept secrets of the internet. I´m not unknown, I´m underground, like anything that is just too cool.

Where´d you all go? Don´t you love the hippy anymore? Here, have an upside-down one too ¿ The keyboard has a Spanish layout!

I still love you all, very much, like a cat loves it´s kittens, like a fat kids loves cake. Sorry, I think I just quoted Fifty Cent. I won´t let that happen again!

It´s Sunday afternoon, here in paradise,l Mrs. H thinks she might be coming down with a cold, so she´s having a wee nap. I´m back home on Weds evening and I´ll be stoned about 30 secs after walking through the door. I am missing my spliff very much...!

Sometimes, that´s the price you pay for coming to stay in paradise.

The hotel I´m at is very nice and we are here on an all-inclusive basis. That means all the food, drinks, booze and blow-jobs from the maids are included in one low price. Ok, not the BJs, but you do get a discount.

Shame on you hippy and your obsession with rampant oral sex. Save if for your other blog!

Ah yes, the other blog. It´s more popular than this one, it´s had more attention from the media than this one. It´s all about sex, nasty, kinky, dirty, nearly anonymous sex. No wonder its more popular. Also, it´s fictional, so how do you think that makes me feel. My real life is not as interesting as something I´ve made up. Go figure.

I guess people would rather read about BJ´s than spliff and shrooms. Fuck 'em if they don`t know what they`re missing.

I`d love to sit here and continue to type my special brand of drivel, but I`m on vacation and have better things to be doing. That´s not really true either, but I´m running out of euros to feed this goddamn computer.

Oh here´s a little taster of hippyfun to come. When I get back, I´ve got an interview set up with the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair. That´s right! Since the election date hass been announced, ol´Tony B has been more of a media whore than even me. He`ll talk to anyone, even me. And I´ve got loads of questions for him, about the pointless war in Iraq, about the reclassification of shrooms, cannabis and I want to find out what his plans are when he´s done being the PM. Maybe he´d like his own tv talk show, which I could produce for him.

I´ve actually met him before, a couple of times, not that he´d remember me or even know I am the northlondonhippy. Don´t worry, the interview will be via telephone, so he won´t even know what I look like!

Anyway, enough already, if I don´t hit publish now, I´ll be fucked out of my last couple of minutes on here. Catch ya when I´m back in Blighty!
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