VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Hey you!

Yes, you, fucker!


I’m tired of apologising for my utter lack of consistency when it comes to posting here in my own goddamn blog. I’m rubbish, I’m shit…I’m a complete waste of fucking space.

There, it had to be said…and better by me than you, fucker!

I used to post much more regularly, but I’ve gotten slack, haphazard and just plain lazy. It is inexcusable and I have no real reasons for my lack of attention.

Blame the heatwave, blame years of drug abuse, blame anything you want, I don’t mind. My intentions and my actions are often not the same. So it goes.

Let’s talk about the heatwave, which ended a couple of days ago, everywhere except my lair. For some reason, my north London home is a heat-trap. It’s like a kiln and even though the outside temp has dropped 10 degrees C, it’s still boiling in my home.

Not that I’m home right now, I’m actually at work. Yawn.

It’s a dull Saturday night, not much of anything is happening. I can’t say I’ve done anything constructive in the nearly 8 hours I’ve been here and I don’t expect that to change in the remaining four hours either.

Unless you think posting this exceptional drivel in my blog is constructive, in which case I should really hire you as my agent! And man oh man, do I need an agent!

I’d so much rather be writing full time, from home, then doing a real job. My problem is that a real job pays real money, my writing hasn’t even scored me any imaginary cash. That’s where you, my brand new agent would come in!

As well as having a few things ready to go (a novel, screenplays and loads of ideas), I’d be willing to fix other people’s scripts and accept commissions too. Yes, I do dream in Technicolour, but then shouldn’t I?

I may have mentioned this before, and tough if I have, but the only decent piece of career advice I’ve ever been given by a university professor is this: “Don’t give up on your dreams. Persistence is often the thing that brings success.”

Well, I haven’t given up on my dreams, even though I’m old and should know better. The longer you believe something will happen, the better chance you have of seeing it through.

Or so I try to convince myself…fooling myself is one of my favourite pastimes actually. I’m particularly gullible to my own bullshit!

Let’s get personal! It’s what I claim to do here, so here’s a dose of private shit:

My mother moved into a nursing home around a month ago. I haven’t seen her in around 3 years and have no intentions of visiting anytime soon. She’s 75, a stroke survivor (or victim if you prefer to be less PC), pretty much bed bound, with speech and motor function problems. But that’s not the point of this…

Since my mother has moved into this nursing home, chosen by her youngest (and most evil) sister, it’s become nearly impossible to reach her on the telephone. I expect it’s because she can’t reach the handset when it rings, but it doesn’t really matter why. The bottom line is when my younger brother and I try to phone, we don’t get her.

This is shit, as the telephone is our last and only link to her. She probably thinks we don’t care, or don’t think of her, or are just callous cunts?

Well, I’m here to tell ya that I am a callous cunt most of the time, but when it comes to my mother, that description is far from accurate. Well, maybe not, since I don’t visit her, but my reasons are a different kettle of fish. It’s a long story that I won’t bore you with.

I hope she knows we love her. I think she does.

So its Live8 this coming weekend, with concerts scattered all over the planet in aid of wiping out poverty in Africa. An admirable goal, but one that will take more than a bunch of aging rock star millionaires to solve.

I’ll be parked on my sofa for the duration of the concert, I think they are showing something like 13 hours of it here. I do believe shrooms may be involved in my experience, which could even lead into the live blogging throughout the show. Won’t that be a treat for all of you hippyfans out there!

Are there any hippyfans out there any more, anyway? Have you all abandoned me because you think I’ve abandoned you?

That’s crap, I haven’t abandoned any of you, I’m just not around as much as I would like. Stick with me, fuckers, 2005 remains the year of the hippy! Good things will come to those of you who don’t lose faith in me!

Though there is one less reason for you to still be alive, I’ve been forced to cancel my latest (and some say greatest) promotion!

As you may (or may not) know, I was planning on giving away a copy of my first DVD project as a prize to promote this blog. Mrs. Hippy, who is the star of the DVD took great exception to this and has forced me to give up on the idea.

I don’t really get what was bothering her…as the winner would be some internet weirdo (sorry, no offense) who wouldn’t know me or her from Adam. Who’s Adam anyway?

I don’t have a problem with a stranger seeing me, so I’m thinking of giving away a close-up photo of my cock instead.

That’s a joke, before you all get too moist thinking about it. My cock is private and private viewings can be arranged, if you live in London and are a really hot chick!

Sorry Mrs. H, but if I can’t give away the DVD, I have to make it up to the hippyfans somehow!

Enough you hippytwat! Don’t you have some fucking work to do!
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