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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Just when you thought your day would be completely void of hippies, here I come to hippify your day. How fucking lucky are you? I’d buy two lottery tickets this week, just to be safe, if I were you…

I’m at work, moan, moan and struggling to keep my eyes open. I’ve been awake since 9am on Monday and probably won’t be back in bed until 10am on Tuesday. Yes, kids, I’m pulling a 25 hour day. Don’t envy me for my glamorous media lifestyle; envy me because I’m fucking hardcore! Grrrrr!

I really am tired tonight. I’m yawning loads, but three hours from now, at least I’ll be heading in the right direction.

I’m only doing 2 nights this week, so I really shouldn’t complain. Fuck it, I’ll complain anyway.

Even today’s papers are really dull, but I’ll hit the only 2 highlights I spied. As the internet’s number drug correspondent, I would be remiss if I didn’t share both of them with you.

Both are from my favourite newspaper, The Guardian and the first concerns a recent study done here in London regarding drug addicts. It says “there are around 50,000 crackheads in London”.

I know, I couldn’t believe it either. That’s a whole lotta crack being smoked! Or injected, as the Guardian quite amusingly points out. Personally, I’ve never heard of shooting up crack, but you can inject powdered coke. If you wanted to. I don’t.

It also says crackheads can spend five-hundred pounds a week on rocks. That’s £25,000 a year, in a country where the average annual wage is around half that. Where do they get all that cash? Simple, they steal your granny’s pension, they nick your car stereo…they break into your house and pinch your telly, then take a shit on your favourite easy chair!

Now, just for a moment, imagine crack cost the same in London as it does on the streets of Colombia, where much of it is produced. That same five-hundred quid a week could probably buy enough crack to keep all 50,000 rock heads going, with change left over for a pint of your favourite ale. There is no sense to the world.

Sure you can give that silly argument about drugs causing mental health problems. Alcohol causes mental health problems and we don’t ban it. Why should drugs be any different? Besides, people who take drugs (and drink heavily) probably have mental health issues to start with, so you can blame substance abuse for everything.

Legalise all drugs, sell them openly, at prices that are similar to their countries of origin and please, add some tax. I’d happily pay tax on the weed I smoke, if it meant I didn’t have to worry about getting busted for it!

And speaking of pointless drug busts, check out what they’re doing to the cannabis granny!

This poor woman, who takes cannabis to relieve pain from a medical condition doesn’t deserve to be arrested for having a couple of lousy plants in her house. It’s sheer lunacy! Don’t the cops have better things to be doing with their time?

Of course they do! Legalise everything now! It’s just plain common sense. You’d have to be a complete cunting loser to think that prohibition is doing anything other than keeping the costs of drugs artificially high and criminalising what are otherwise, honest, decent, hard working folks like me!

Yes, I am honest and yes, I do work hard, so screw you for thinking otherwise!

Gosh, that was harsh. Chill, hippy, chill.

Sorry, but it really pisses me off that this poor senior citizen is being treated so poorly just because she finds some relief in a bit of tasty bud! The world is MAD!

So there you have it, a drug update from the internet’s favourite hippy. I’ll go back to trying to keep my eyes open, you all can go back and resume your normal, bleak and dreary lives.

Catch ya next time my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!
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