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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Poor Kate Moss.

I mean that. I really do. Just because some bastard took photos of her snorting a line of charlie, she’s screwed. Is this really what the world has come to?

For those of you who don’t know, Kate Moss is a British super-model. You’d recognise her, if you saw her photo. Here, let me provide you with one of my very helpful and useful HIPPYLINKS to a newspaper article. Don’t worry, it’s brief and hits the highlights.

Perhaps you don’t think I should feel badly for someone who makes four million quid a year, just for being a bit pretty, but that’s not how this hippy sees it.

The fashion industry is (allegedly) awash with cocaine. How do you think all those really tall girls stay so thin? The stories I’ve heard about it suggest that the stuff is piled thick and high at every photo-shoot and fashion show and handed out like candy. Nose candy!

Now, if you’ve read much of the hippy, and I’m sure you have, you’ll know I’m not a fan of cocaine. You’ll also know in the past, I’ve done my fair share of the stuff, so I’m not exactly a novice when it comes to this particular subject.

Coke is addictive, coke is nasty. Coke won’t make you a nicer person. It will keep you awake. It will make you talk non-stop. It will make you think you’re a superstar.

That’s the thing about drugs; people take them and enjoy them because when one does, they make you feel good. It’s the aftermath you need to worry about. All drugs have a downside of one sort or another, including alcohol. Especially alcohol, as any hangover you may have had can attest to.

Kate Moss’s mistake wasn’t taking drugs. I would guess she’s been taking them for a very long time. No, her mistake was that she got caught.

And now the Metropolitan Police are going to investigate…? What the fuck??

Is this really how we want to prioritise our law enforcement resources? There are terrorists blowing up bombs here. Nearly 50,000 London-based crackheads are trying to steal my stereo. Gun crime is rife. And instead, they are putting investigators on to this, victimless crime? It’s fucking insane.

Though it’s no more crazy than the FBI in America throwing loads of agents at the porn industry. No, I didn’t make this up, it’s true. What do you expect when you put the Jesus-freaks in charge? Never mind the AQC's, let's get the smut peddlers!

AQC's = Al Qaeda Cunts - but I bet you knew that already.

Sorry, I’m digressing.

Here’s a big fucking hint for all you celebrity hippyfans out there: If you’re going to abuse drugs and you have some sort of professional contract with a morals clause attached, don’t take them in front of strangers! Don’t take them in front of anyone! Do them in private!!

It’s better to be a suspected drug addict than a confirmed and photographed one. That’s why clubs have VIP rooms, so you can be a bit discreet about your bad habits. Listen to the hippy and save yourself some hassle!

If you hired Kate Moss to model for you tomorrow, I’m sure she would show up, look good and let you take pictures of her in all sorts of outfits, or even naked. If all of that is true, would it matter if she was up until 6am snorting coke? Of course it wouldn’t!

The hypocrisy of this situation astounds me.

Loads of people use coke, it’s a product that’s in demand, worldwide. If people want something, market forces will always make sure they can get it. Someone will always want your money in exchange for whatever you desire.

If I was Kate’s manager (and I’m not), it would be easy enough to recover from this. All she would need to do is, repent, apologise and sell her redemption story to a newspaper for shitloads of cash. You wouldn’t even need to give up coke, as long as you didn’t get caught again.

It’s especially true in Britain that the media love to build someone up just to knock them back down again and Kate Moss’s plight is no different. I don’t really understand it, never have, but I can bet you that the newspapers with little Katie on the cover this week, were all big sellers.

You’ll notice I’ve nearly covered all of this without mentioning Kate’s fuck-up boyfriend, musician Pete Doherty. He’s a self-proclaimed drug addict and it would be easy to blame him for her problems. But I won’t, because I don’t think it’s true. A 4 gram a day habit would take years to build up to and she’s only been with him for 6-8 months or so.

Kate, good luck to you. Not everyone in the world is enjoying your troubles. I’m sure it will all work out for you, I just hope you have good media advisors. If not, get in touch with this hippy and I’ll sort it all out for you. I'm a fully qualified, media whore!
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