VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, October 03, 2005

This morning, my drug of choice is sugar…!

I’m currently shovelling spoonfuls of “Crunchy Nut – Nutty Cornflakes” cereal from Kelloggs and man is it good! It’s like regular old “Honey-Nut Cornflakes” with the added bonus of extra nuts AND caramel nut clusters. Mmmmm, mmmmm, it’s good. Dig it, fuckers!

The sugar has perked me right up; I was feeling listless and starting to flag a bit, before I filled up a fantastic bowl-full! I didn’t eat anything at work last night. Instead, I drank a lot of coffee.

Don’t try this at home, fuckers!

I abuse myself in so many different ways, its no wonder I can barely keep track. Eating badly, sleeping irregularly, not getting much exercise, smoking too much, need I go on?

At least I’m honest! And I am really digging this cereal!

Do you think Kelloggs would appreciate an endorsement of their product from an internet celebrity like myself? Probably not, but tough, I like it anyway!

For those of you who are keeping track at home, the phone call I was waiting for on Saturday, didn’t come and the expected weed purchase did not happen. This is not good news.

A good quality, reliable dope connection shouldn’t be this difficult to find. I don’t ask for much, just high grade skunky bud at a reasonable price. You can’t say fairer than that!

In my 20-odd years of taking drugs, I’ve yet to actually encounter one of those mythical “pushers” that you were always warned against. There’s enough demand for illicit substances that no one has to push anything on anyone that they don’t already want.

Dealers, on the other hand, tend to be an honourable breed and a good, reliable one is a godsend. I meant it, god really sends dealers down to us, so be extra nice to them. Think of them as angels.

Dealers are your friends, your family, your work colleagues or your neighbours. Anyone can be a dealer and the really good ones are discreet about it. People buy and sell gear all the time and always have. It’s not such a big deal.

No, I don’t mean crack houses or crack dealers, but even they don’t force anyone to take anything. The demand is limitless.

Its like Tupperware or Amway for the 21st century!

How many well-known brands can I piss off in one entry?

McDonaldsCokeSonyBurgerKingPanasonicToshibaKFCNikeAppleAddidasLeviMarlboroPepsi…

Oh, I’m bored already. Google is my friend, though, so CLICK HERE for the top 100 brand names. I can’t be bothered to list them all.

Where was I? Oh yes, singing the praises of Kelloggs Nutty-nut-nutty cereal and bemoaning my lack of a cannabis connection.

Things could get dire for this hippy. I actually might have to face the world 100% sober. That would be a tragedy of the highest order.

I won’t last five minutes, before I’m inhaling fumes from my disposable cigarette lighter or licking giant Amazonian toads for their hallucinogenic effects. Or both. I’ll be trying to smoke lawn clippings, because like, hey man, it’s all grass.

I’ll be climbing the fucking walls like a psychotic spider, revved up on my own thoughts, which would be allowed to run free. We can’t let this happen!

I’m psychologically addicted to marijuana. There, I said it, are you satisfied now?

I don’t see addiction as a bad thing. Some people might say I’m weak, but I prefer the term “self-indulgent”.

My brain is convinced I need weed, where in reality, I don’t physically crave it. I know the difference, because I smoke tobacco too.

Tobacco is addictive as fuck! When I don’t have a cigarette for even a little while, I can feel it, like that monkey on my back. The cravings can be so strong that you’ll have trouble concentrating for very long. Then you’ll get ratty and snap at someone.

Did you know the sharp rise in air-rage incidents on passenger jets could be correlated against nearly the exact point in time when airlines banned smoking on flights.

Why do you think I always wear a nicotine patch when I fly? I don’t want to kill anyone when I’m 40,000 feet above ground. That would really suck, I mean, how would you dispose of the body?

Ba-dum-bum

I mean seriously, kids! What’s this hippy gonna do if the weed-well runs well and truly dry? It is too frightening to even ponder the possibility, so here’s my latest wild and wacky plan:

Help the hippy score some dope!

Someone out there reading this has got to have a great dope connection, somewhere in London. If you don’t, then someone you know will and if they don’t, they’ll know someone else until eventually all of London will be trying to find me a weed connection. It can’t lose!

My first choice would be one of those posh delivery services. You’ve probably heard of them too, maybe you’re already on the list and can refer me…? I’d be a great customer, loyal, regular and ready to drop some serious dosh in return for some tasty, skunky bud!

Next, would be just a good old-fashioned dealer. It would still be nice to find one that delivered, but I’m willing to visit them, of course. I’m cool, I’m hip, I’m the hippy you can feel good about introducing to anyone who sells what I need!

My last choice is for you, my loyal hippyfans to just give me your stash. Look, I wouldn’t be asking for you to part with your personal puff unless it was for a damn good reason.

Can you think of a better reason than just giving it to me?

I didn’t think so!
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