VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Hey fuckers!

The hippy’s in the house!

Not your house, obviously, or you’d be hitting the silent alarm and heading for your “panic room”. I’m not even in my own house, I’m at work. Though, technically, I probably spend more time here in the office than I do in my own abode, so maybe this is home…?

That’s a terrifying thought!

I’m a whore, I don’t say “no”. Without really realising it, I’ve suddenly found myself with an overwhelming amount of work this month…17 shifts, plus an 18th on the night of the first of January. Yikes!

Ok, so it will be a bumper payday come next month, but so what? With the purchase of my shiny, black 60gb iPod (with video), I now own everything I need!

Except for a GPS unit for my car and Mrs. Hippy won’t let me have one! I’m sure this is just her cunning ploy to keep me off-balance so she can surprise me with one on Jesus’s birthday! They’ve gotten so cheap now, how could she not want me to have one? I’ve seen one model as low as 167 squid, a fucking bargain for fucking bargain hunters everywhere!

You see, here’s the thing: My sense of direction is rubbish and I have a long and celebrated history of getting lost while driving. Case in point, last February I had to drive a scant five miles from my home for an appointment. It should have taken me 20 minutes tops, but instead it took me nearly 2 hours! And it cost me in petrol and grey hairs too! Fuckers!

My problem with navigation is simple: I’m useless with maps. They confuse me. Here’s a helpful hippy hint, if you have problems like this. Toss the map out the window and allow your cosmic connection to the universe to guide you.

Think that sounds silly? It’s no sillier than getting lost with a map in your hands! My zen like approach, if I can remain calm, normally serves me very well. Naturally, a GPS unit would be better than my mysterious ways. I really, really want one!

Here’s the thing: If I had a GPS, I’d be more tempted to go more places, do more things…maybe even drop in unexpectedly at your house even. Don’t worry, I won’t touch up your little sister, unless she’s over 16, in which case, look the fuck out! Oh and hide the good drugs too. Grrrrrrrrrr!

I haven’t mentioned my cock in a while. It sends its regards and asks to be sucked regularly.

Where’d that come from?

I’ve found a new herbal high that I’m planning on sampling, perhaps as early as Sunday. It’s called the “Pulsate Chill Pill” and I’d provide a helpful hippylink, but I’m at work and avoid my legal high websites when I’m here, just in case. Google will bring you straight to my source, which is EDIT – my fav headshop website!

The really fucking groovy thing about these new pills is that they were developed and endorsed by the New Zealand government! Harm minimalisation solution is what they call it. The word from the kids is that these are the best of the “E” substitutes. I’ll be the fucking judge of that! I’ve read that these are so good, they’re actually outselling real MDMA in Holland, which if true, is pretty amazing!

They’re a fiver a pill, which ain’t cheap and the maximum dose is three (in a four hour period, so that's 2 hours between each one). Let’s face it, real “E’s” can be dodgy. you don’t know what’s in them; how strong they are; nothing.

With these “chill pills” you know exactly what you’re getting and at what dosage. The main ingredient with these is again Piperazine, the same as those P.E.P. pills I’ve been digging lately. It's an extract of black pepper and used medically to treat tapeworm. Yuck.

I finish this run of work on Sunday morning and I’m back on Tuesday night – which in real terms is like a day and a half off. If I want to make the most of my free time, I think taking these might make sense, especially if they keep me up all damn day!

Oh, the other thing I bought is something called Salvia Lotus, which is a blend of Salvia extract and Blue Lotus flower extract. I’ve actually not experimented with salvia extract before, so I’m looking forward to it. I tried smoking the leaf, but I wasn’t very impressed. I’ve mentioned the blue lotus flowers here before and I’ve really enjoyed the effects, so I’m sure the extract will be even better.

Fucking hell, now I’ve got some proper work to do. And I thought I could spend the rest of my shift spewing my special brand of drivel! Catch ya next time, my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!
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