VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, January 31, 2005

THE DEADLINE IS APPROACHING! CLICK HERE TO SHROOM WITH ME!

Yo fuckers! How’s things? Are you all well? Good, that’s what this hippy likes to hear!

Did you enjoy my exclusive interview with the most powerful idiot on the planet? Well, I was very pleased to bring that historic chat to you!

Are there other world leaders or persons of note that you would the hippy to grill? Send your suggestions to northlondonhippy@yahoo.co.uk and I’ll see what I can do! Long distance phone charges are not a worry, I don’t mind spending a little dosh to bring you what you need!

I had quite a sleepy day yesterday, crashing out from about 10am to around 4pm, then out like a light again around 11:30pm and finally up this morning at 7:30am. You’d think I’d feel refreshed, rested and ready to rock, but then you’d be thinking wrong.

I’m getting old, I can feel it in my bones. At the tender, youthful age of 42, I think I might actually be slowing down a bit. That is totally no fun!

But don’t worry, I’ll be ready to party like a motherfucker on Saturday, if you turn out to be the lucky winner, be ready to get down! Just don’t bring your mother, ‘cause you know what I’d do to her! And I might make you watch!

Hippy, sometimes you’re sick!

Here’s a memory for my American hippyfans: Do you remember a an actor and comedian called Redd Foxx? He was the star of the 70’s sitcom, “Sanford and Son”.

(FYI: My British friends, “Sanford and Son” was the American version of “Steptoe and Son”, the British sitcom, which came first. It was considered groundbreaking television in America because it was re-cast in the states with mainly black actors at a time on tv when that was very rare.)

Well, Redd Foxx was also a stand-up comedian, who was known for working very “blue”. His act was quite rude and frequently “obscene”. “Obscene” is in quotes, because obscenity is in the eye of the beholder, and if you’re like me, you don’t find much of anything offensive.

Redd Foxx had an uncensored HBO special in the 70s, which as a teenager I got to see. My parents really never stopped me from watching anything, which was quite cool of them when you think about it. Mr. Foxx’s special was really dirty.

One of the bits he did went something like this. Please forgive my paraphrasing, but I hope you get the idea:

Redd Foxx: (to audience member) Hey, is that your wife?

Audience Member: (nods)

RF: And you have kids with your wife?

AM: (nods again)

RF: And you still have sex with your wife?

AM: (nods again)

RF: Well, you know what that makes you? (AM shrugs) A motherfucker!

(Audience laughs)

RF: Yeah, man, you be a motherfucker! Haha, you’re laughing. I bet you never thought you’d be laughing if a black man called you a motherfucker!

(Audience goes wild!)

Back in the olden days, you know, the 70s, this was primo comedy material! I bet “Sanford & Son” is still being repeated on independent tv stations around the US of A. Well, that’s one of Redd’s jokes that never made the show!

He died in 1991, but he was funny, he was an original. He made this hippy laugh!

I’m planning on having an easy day today. I’m going to do a load of washing-up, I’m going to change the sheets on the bed, visit the supermarket (in my Yaris!) and maybe, if I have time, head up to an auto shop to pick up some bits I need for the car.

I might investigate the possibility of changing the stereo in my car, but something tells me it won’t be easy. I’ve also been thinking about getting a GPS thing for the car, they have come down in price quite a bit. There’s one that uses a Windows PDA to give you 3D graphic maps and spoken road instructions that’s selling for under 300 quid. It’s tempting, especially if I don’t spend any dosh on a new stereo.

I’ve already done my most important act of the day, which is to order some fresh shrooms for Saturday! Instead of the Colombians I was expecting to order, I’ve gone for a strain that has only become available in the last fortnight or so, that come from the Philippines. They are touted to be stronger than Colombians, but not as strong as Hawaiians and they are in the p.cube family.

If you would like to see the very shrooms I've ordered you can, by clicking RIGHT HERE, then scrolling down around 1/4 of the page. Yes, the Philippines strain, that's the one.

I ordered 100grams, so there will be plenty for one lucky hippyfan and me to enjoy. I’ve also still have some of the Hawaiians left as well, so we could mix them, if we wanted. It’s even crossed my mind that I could have a wild morning on Weds, after work with the Hawaiians, since I am only working one night this week, Tuesday and still have a reasonable amount left. I need to use 'em before they go off.

The possibilities are endless! But then remember, fuckers, I live in a world of infinite possibilities, don’t you?

But there’s one possibility, which I’m sure you are praying for and that’s the chance to win my contest. One lucky hippyfan will be visiting my lair in fabulous north London this Saturday, for an afternoon of fresh shrooms, spliffs, soft drinks and the pleasure of my rather weird and twisted company.

We’ll watch the coolest music videos, check out my Laserpod (complete with fresh batteries), dance naked together behind my net curtains while spying on my neighbours while performing acts of oral love on one and other.

Ok, there won’t really be any naked dancing or oral love, unless you’re willing to pay extra and you’re a “super-hot-female” like Gwen Stefani. Hey, she’s married to a Brit, maybe she’s in London this weekend and I’ve already got her entry. Gwen, you can shroom with me, anytime!

And if Mrs. H is reading this, well, you know, it’s just a bit of fun, ummmm, I don’t really fancy Gwen Stefani. I’ve only got eyes, for you! So if I wore a blindfold while pleasuring Ms. Stefani, that would be OK!

This hippy might be easy, but dammit I’m not cheap!

So if you want to enter the contest, you better hurry, the deadline is about 48 hours away! Just click that link at the very top of this posting. Click it, CLICK IT!

I’ve decided, since I’m such a night person, that I would like to have my own overnight radio show. Naturally, my first choice for this would be to convince VIRGIN RADIO to hire me. They’re my favourite station in the UK, I dig their playlist and I think they would be down with my hippy-sense of humour.

It would be pointless to try to approach them directly, since I would come off like the nutter I really am. Instead, what I need to do is get an agent to pimp my hippy ass out to them. I mean, come on, nothing but the truly unbalanced and mentally unstable listen to the radio all night, I’d be the perfect person to entertain them. I speak their language!

Besides playing music, I’d tell jokes, do my “hippy drug rants”, smoke spliffs, maybe even shroom and I’d really enjoy taking phone calls from my legions of listeners.

And let’s face it, I’ve already got an instant audience, thanks to you, my loyal legions of hippyfans! It wouldn’t matter if you were in the UK or not, since Virgin Radio is streamed on the internet, you could be down with the hippy where-ever you are!

You can help me with this already! I would like all of my hippyfans to start emailing Virgin Radio, demanding they give me an overnight time-slot. Tell them you want your hippy! Dig it, fuckers!

I’d be good on the radio, I’ve perfected my northlondonhippy comedy voice, I’m quick and clever and I would increase their market share in that timeslot in no time flat!

Hey Virgin Radio, you should be down with the hippy! I’ll work cheap! Well, not that cheap, but I won’t cost as much as Pete ‘n’ Jeff or that turncoat Jezza, who left you for another, lesser station! Get in touch, fuckers, you know it makes sense!

If you’re going to dream, kids, dream big! No sense wanting little things when you can go after the really big things as well!

You might be laughing, but it’s possible, they could give me my own radio show. If you were the station manager, I’m sure you’d have the vision and imagination to see that I would be an amazing addition to your roster of talent. I’d be entertaining, controversial and most of all fun!

I’d be happy to do a shift for free, just to show you what I can do! Call me, email, just get in touch!

Well, I guess it’s time I kicked my rather easy day into gear. Up next is a shower, followed by a trip to my local supermarket. Perhaps I’ll come back later, but I am overdue in making a fresh entry on my super-secret, fictional blog. A very large development is about it hit my protagonist and it won’t be long before I start promoting it properly.

Maybe catch you later, fuckers!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

THE CONTEST OF A LIFE-TIME, WIN THE CHANCE TO SHROOM WITH ME! CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS!

How cool is this? I scored an exclusive interview with US president George W. Bush on Friday night. During the lengthy, free-wheeling discussion, I sought his thoughts and opinions on a wide range of subjects and issues. Some of his replies may surprise you, others may anger you.

I always thought it was difficult to interview presidents, but it turned out to be surprisingly simple. I’ve got my mini-disc hooked up and I’m about to start the transcription.

The northlondonhippy interview with George W. Bush – 28 January 2005

I dial the White House number, 00 1 202 xxx-xxxx. I’m connected to an automated voice mail system.

“Hello and welcome to the White House, if you know the extension of the person you wish to speak to, please dial it now.

For general inquires, please press 1

For a list faith-based initiatives, please press 2

To find out about White House tours, please press 3

To check on Dick Cheney’s heart condition, please press 4

For details on having your country bombed, please press 5

To report a suspected terrorist, please press 6

For an exclusive interview with President Bush, please press 7

To report a suspicious neighbour, please press 8

To hear this list of options again, please press 9

To speak to an operator, please press 0

I take a gamble and press lucky number 7:

Ring-ring

George W. Bush: Hello, this is the president, how can I direct your call?

northlondonhippy: Mr. Bush? Really? I didn’t think it would be this easy to get you on the phone.

GWB: Hells bells, boy, I’m an accessible kind of guy. Who the hell are you?

nlh: I’m the northlondonhippy. I run a little website from my lair in fabulous north London. My readers would really appreciate it if I could interview you sir.

GWB: You mean on the internets, don’t you? Well that’s just fine and dandy with me, I’ve heard about the internets. Didn’t big Al Gore invent it?

nlh: So he says, sir, so he says. Do you surf yourself?

GWB: Surf? Hell no, boy. The secret service won’t even let me swim in the ocean; they’re never going to let me surf!

nlh: No, sir, I meant surfing the internet. Do you have any sites you enjoy?

GWB: Surf the internets? Isn’t that a bit dangerous, mixing water and computaters? I don’t know what they do in Eng-land, but here in America, we don’t have no waterproof computaters.

nlh: Surfing the net just means visiting websites. Oh, never mind, though if you’d like, I’d be happy to give you the address for my site. Perhaps you’d like to get down with the hippy?

GWB: I don’t like the sound of that, no thank you! I don’t really know how to surf the internets. Hell, boy, I don’t even read newspapers! I do like watching tv though.

nlh: Do you have a favourite programme?

GWB: Sure do, that CSI is very good, the way they catch those criminals just by finding a hair or something. Them sumbitches sure are smart. I also watch Jerry Falwell’s channel, he is one smart sumbitch too.

nlh: But Jerry Falwell is a religious extremist, he’s insane sir. Do you really believe what he says.

GWB: Every gosh-darn word. He gets a lot of his stuff from the bible and so do I. You know, God picked me to be president.

nlh: I thought Clarence Thomas did that.

GWB: Don’t be a fool, boy. God chose me to lead this great nation at this time of vast uncertainty. It takes a strong leader to govern in these troubled, trying times. The nation should thank God that I’m president now and not that weak willed, flip flopper, whats-his-name.

nlh: I think we’ll have to disagree on that one, sir.

GWB: Look you sumbitch, you can’t disagree with God. Do you want to end up in Gitmo with a hood over your head and 110 volts shooting through your testicles?

nlh: Is that what happens to anyone who disagrees with you, Mr. President?

GWB: It’s what happens when you disagree with God or me. I’m His representative on earth. Don’t they teach you anything in Eng-land?

nlh: You really believe that, don’t you?

GWB: Believe it? It’s gospel, boy. You don’t want to get on my wrong side!

nlh: OK. Let’s change the subject then. Iraqi’s are going to the polls on Sunday, even though the security situation is, shall we say, less than perfect. In that climate of fear and danger, do you think the election can be free and fair?

GWB: What kind of question is that! For years, the Iraqi people suffered under an evil dictator. For the first time, they can go to the polls and cast a genuine vote. We freed that nation, we’ve given them democracy. It’s a no brainer!

nlh: I wouldn’t dispute that, the invasion and occupation has been a real “no brainer”….

GWB: I see what you’re doin’ there, boy. Don’t turn my words on me. I don’t like that one bit. Freedom comes with a cost, boy, but in my book, no cost is too high. And I should know, we’re spending a gazillion dollars a day there right now.

nlh: But how can any election be viewed as “free and fair” if people are too frightened of being blown up to actually go out and vote.?

GWB: That’s not the point, whether people are too chicken to go out, the fact is they have the chance, the opportunity to go out and exercise their democratic right to vote is worth any cost. As long as there is just one Iraqi left alive to make it to a polling station, to cast their ballot, then we’ve succeeded and the terrorists have lost. We can’t let those evil-doers win!

nlh: The way it’s looking, there very well may only be one Iraqi left alive to vote. The expectation in the media is that election day is going to be a bloodbath. Would you agree with that?

GWB: We’re doing everything we can to insure the security of the Iraqi people, but if some dumb sumbitch wants to strap a bomb on and blow it up in a polling station, there’s very little we can do to stop him. A few more deaths are a small price to pay for freedom.

nlh: If you say so, sir. What do you say to an Iraq, who under Saddam might not have been able to speak freely, but could still walk up the road to buy a loaf of bread without the expectation of being blown to smithereens?

GWB: I’d say congratulations on your freedom and can’t you get someone else to buy your bread? Don’t the supermarkets in Baghdad deliver? They do in Crawford, dagnabbit and that’s just a tiny Texas town. Baghdad’s a big city, sure they must deliver.

nlh: What do you say to your critics who describe your Iraq policy as a complete failure? There were no “weapons of mass destruction”, you weren’t welcomed as liberators, the insurgency is far worse than anyone in your administration expected and the oil wells aren’t even pumping. How do your respond?

GWB: What critics? I want names and addresses of these heretics. We’ve got space in Gitmo, since we let those 4 Eng-landers out. Those sumbitches were bad news, we just couldn’t prove it.

My Iraq policy is a complete success, that’s not in dispute. The country is free now and that is all that matters. And you’re right, as an oil-man, I’m disappointed by the low output as well. I thought we’d be able to make back all of our costs, plus a little extra for me and my buddies. For our trouble.

nlh: Do you still eat pretzels, Mr. President?

GWB: I’m glad you asked me that, son. You’re talking about when I choked on one and knocked my noggin, aren’t you? I’d like to set the record straight about that, right now. This hasn’t come out yet, so I’m giving you an exclusive. I bet you didn’t expect that!

That pretzel, the one I choked on, well, it was an Al Qaeda pretzel, sent by the bad man, Osama Bin Laden. The CIA has proof, but we didn’t want to start a panic, it would be bad for business. The snack food industry are big contributors, don’t want to get them angry.

It was a terrorist pretzel, and it failed in its attempt to kill me. The evil doers and their pretzels don’t have a chance, they can’t win. I’ve got God on my side, the real God, not that false god they pray to. Amen and halleluiah, praise Jesus Christ, my saviour and step-brother!

nlh: The rumour in Washington at the time was that you were intoxicated, but that was denied by your spokespeople. Isn’t it a stretch of the imagination to think that Al Qaeda is recruiting salty snacks to fight their war against the west? You could be accused of trying to hide the truth with this rather elaborate and fanciful version of events.

GWB: Look, we’ve got intelligence, from some of the Gitmo detainees, solid, reliable intelligence that confirms this completely. It wasn’t easy, as you would expect, these men are trained to resist our questions. But let me tell you, after 72 hours or so of no sleep, regular beatings and the best of “Huey Lewis and the News” over and over and you’d tell us anything.

nlh: I find this use of torture quite questionable. Isn’t it one of the things you accused the former Iraqi regime of doing, yet your regime is using it too.

GWB: I don’t like you calling my administration a “regime” dagnabbit. You watch that tongue of yours boy, or I’ll get Cheney to cut it out. He’s one scary MF.

Look, we’re fighting a war that’s not like any other war, ever. War’s dirty business, sometimes you need to do things you don’t want to do. You’ve got to get your hands dirty, torture a few terrorists, and kill a few civilians. As long as we don’t lose, it’s all worth it.

nlh: Mr. Bush, one last question, would you like the URL to my blog?

GWB: I didn’t understand a word of that, boy. You trying to make me look like a fool?

nlh: You don’t need my help, sir, you’re doing fine without me. It’s the way to access my website, on the “internets”, in case you’d like to see what I’m all about. I’m the most shroomtastic stoner on the web, I’m the biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of. I’m an unashamed internet weirdo, I’m….

GWB: I get the idea, boy, and I didn’t understand any of it either. I’m not really interested in what you do and I have to be honest, I’d be surprised if anyone else is either.

nlh: Actually, sir, I’ve got legions of hippyfans, spread across the globe, hanging on my every word. 2005 is the year of the hippy!

GWB: Tell it to the hand, because the ears ain’t listening!

nlh: Mr. President, thank you very much for your time.

GWB: Ah-ha.

Click

Wow. Even I’m impressed. The New York Times and the northlondonhippy all in one week! How lucky am I? How fucked is America? How fucked is the world? Jumpin’ Jesus, he’s crazier than me!

It really is election day in Iraq on Sunday, I’m hoping the body count won’t be too high. I’m not working tomorrow night, so I can keep an eye on things from home, just like a punter. How cool is that?

Please don’t forget about my shroomtasic contest, where you can win the chance to get off your face with me next Saturday. It’s not a joke, it’s not a lie, one lucky hippyfan will be partying with me next week. Would you like it to be you? Then click on the link at the top of this page!

Saturday, January 29, 2005

SHROOM WITH ME AND YOU'LL SEE ALL THE OH-SO PRETTY COLOURS! CLICK HERE!

Hey, hey I'm the hippy, I keep on hippying around...

I've been at work about 90 minutes, I'm already organised, on top of things and everything is groovy. I drove in again tonight and it was good, though there was more traffic than I would have expected on a Saturday night.

Fucking hell hippy, people don't come to your blog for traffic reports! They come here for hippyfun!

Well the fun starts here! I am the king of fun! All hail the king!

Maybe not.

There's been a news story floating around here in the UK today regarding a possible link between cannabis use and mental illness. Here's a LINK to one of the many reports I've seen.

You may or may not know, but the UK downgraded cannabis possession to Class "C", which puts it in the same league as prescription drugs like valium and anabolic steroids. This was a good thing, though it did not go far enough for my liking. The police say arrests for weed have already dropped by a third, saving something like 200,000 hours of police time in the first year alone.

That's very cool, since it means the cops can spend more time chasing down real villains and bad guys, like the guy that mugged your granny for her weekly pension dosh.

A few mental health charities are now calling for a re-think to the law as they say smoking a bit of dope can make you crazy.

Wait, that's a bit inaccurate, what they are really saying is that cannabis use can trigger mental health problems in people already so inclined. In other words, they claim that if you are already a little crazy, weed can make you crazier.

Naturally, I disagree with this argument. It's kind of a chicken and egg scenario. Which came first, the weed smoking or the madness?

My theory is that people with tendencies towards mental illness seek to self-medicate and marijuana is one of the substances they turn to. Not everyone who smokes dope is crazy or becomes crazy, but some people do.

Some people who eat chocolate go crazy, is the cocoa the culprit? How about drinkers? Surely they go mad and the mental health facilities around the world are full of alcoholics. I don't see anyone blaming beer!

So how do you test this? How do you study the effects of cannabis on someone's mental health if you don't examine them before they started smoking dope. You need to set a baseline otherwise you can't really judge the effect of the drug on their psyche.

Assuming that someone's mental health problems are a result of cannabis use without knowing what they were like before they started smoking is just plain bad science and bad medicine.

I'm not trying to deny that people are turning up at hospitals with mental health problems, admitting they smoke a bit of blow. Millions of people in this country smoke dope, so it would only make sense.

But what I said a couple of paragraphs ago is the real point! If you're a little crazy, you might find that dope helps keep you even, keeps you mellow and keeps you sane. At least that has been my personal experience. I was crazeeeeeeeeee before I started smoking dope, dope didn't make me crazier, it's kept me sane for nearly 24 years.

Do these doctors and shrinks have nearly 24 years of personal experience with weed? Of course they don't, but this hippy does! I'm the real expert, fuckers! But does anyone ask me? Don't I deserve my own column in your local newspaper? Hell yes, fuckers!

Anyway, that's my "drug rant" for the night. I'll be back later to transcribe my interview with George W. Bush. You might be surprised to find out that he had some interesting things to tell this hippy!

And don't you dare forget my contest! One week from today you could be shroomin' with me! Click the link at the top of this page for details on how to enter!

I promise I'll be back later, with that exclusive interview transcript. Start counting those seconds!
SHROOM WITH THIS HIPPY, YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! CLICK RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

This is a flying visit, I need to go to bed, like soon. Like now!

I’m already digging my new car in a very big way. It made my round trip journey to work just so pleasant, I’m looking forward to driving everywhere now.

Hang on, I need to get something from the fridge, I’ll be right back. It won’t take long, since my Yaris is so small, I’ve got it parked next to my desk. I’ll just take it for a quick spin to the kitchen.

Vrooom Vrooom.

Told you I’d be quick, fuckers!

I’m in quite a good mood. I think I’ve come up with a business idea, which is workable, which could free Mrs. Hippy and me from the rigors of wage-slavery. I may be tokin’ but I ain’t jokin’!

And no, you can’t have my idea, get one of your own dammit.

I’m going to do some research this week and start on a business plan, I suppose to see my accountant this week, so I should think of pertinent questions to ask him about my possible new venture.

You’ll all be digging it if I pull this one off! So will I!

I’m sure you’ve noticed the links at the top of every entry I’ve made this week, pointing you to my “shroom with the hippy contest”. Maybe you don’t think that this contest is really happening, perhaps you consider it all a big joke. Maybe you don’t even think I exist.

Well, I’m real, fuckers, and so is my contest! One week from today, the lucky winner will be visiting my lair in fabulous north London for an afternoon of shrooms, spliffs, soft drinks and the coolest music videos. You have to see Green Day’s “Holiday” (it’s my current fav) and I’ll make sure you don’t miss it!

So are you hardcore enough to party with me? I can smoke any ten people under the table, I can eat copious amounts of shrooms and still “maintain” around a policeman. “Yes, sir, officer, no sir officer. No I’m not on really heavy medication, officer, what makes you say that?”

So if you think you can take it and you love getting wasted, this contest is for YOU! Follow the handy link at the top for all you need to know to be a part of the fun. Let’s put the fun in FUNgus together!

But, if half-a-shandy makes you dizzy, you don’t want to dance around naked behind my net curtains while off of your face, and you find the idea of listening to my “special brand of drivel” for hours frightening, this contest is definitely not for you.

The deadline for entries is midnight (GMT) on Wednesday of this week. The winner will be notified and announced the following day. That’s Thursday in case you’re confused.

The really big news is I secured a rare telephone interview last night with US President George W. Bush. Yeah, seriously. Would I lie to you?

We had a wide-ranging discussion on many of the issues effecting the world today. You’ll be surprised to learn that he had some particularly interesting remarks about Iraq, here on the eve of the “free and fair elections”.

That’s enough of a tease for now. Is your appetite all whet and slippery?

I haven’t had a chance to transcribe my recording of the conversation just yet, but I expect I’ll have time to do so tonight at work. And why not? I might as well do something constructive during my downtime.

Anyway, that’s it for this hippy, I’m running out of steam and need to catch some deep and delightful zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s. I’ll be back tonight, but you don’t need to wear out your refresh button this time. The next posting will come when it comes, and I’m sure you’re cool enough to be in the right place, at the right time when it does.

I'M SHROOMIN', WANNA JOIN ME? THIS LINK WILL TELL YOU HOW!

I'm back, I'm bad, but I'm fun to know!

Did you miss me? How many times did you click on refresh? If you clicked the most, a signed northlondonhippy photo will be on it's way to you in the post. Start nagging your postman now!

I know I go on and on about our bleak and dreary lives all the time, but I hope you know that we all have the power to overcome this situation. How? With your imagination!

If you're like me, you'll have an expansive and vivid imagination, which you can point in any direction. When things get particular bleak and dreary, I escape inside my own mind. It's not that hard, it's actually a useful skill to have.

You don't need drugs to achieve this, but certainly they can help. I've found shrooms particularly good when you want to travel through time and space without even leaving the room.

I've had trips on shrooms where I've seen myself in the future, pictured my life in 20, even 30 years time. I'm a short, little guy, with white hair and a walking stick. I've got a fairly sunny disposition in the future as well, which may surprise you. I've seen the future and it is HIPPY!

You really can go anywhere, do anything, if your imagination functions like mine. Here's hoping yours is just as good! This is good life advice, fuckers!

Google doesn't love me anymore!

Recall not too long ago, I mentioned that fact that Google had over 2,000 unique references to me when you did a search of "northlondonhippy". For some inexplicable reason, that number has dropped to under 550.

Why? Did I do something to piss Google off? I'm a fan of the popular search engine, I plug them mercilessly here in my blog. Why don't they love me anymore? How can I restore my position of glory with them?

The fact is: I can't. Whatever voodoo that they do is lost on me. I don't know how they index pages, I don't know why they are filtering the list down to nothing.

Does it matter to you? You've found me already. I'm sure you've bookmarked me or grabbed the RSS/ATOM feed, so you're sorted. But what about tomorrow's hippyfans?

Please spare a thought for these people, living in darkness, waiting for this hippy to shine a light on their otherwise bleak and dreary lives.

One day, everyone with a net connection will be a hippyfan, devoted to me in every possible way. Until that time, I'll take whatever love I can get. And you do love me, don't you?

One of you lucky hippyfans is going to get to feel the love in person, a week from today, when the winner of the "shroom with the hippy" contest visits me at my north London lair for an afternoon of shroomtastic fun!

Haven't entered yet? There's no shame in that, as long as you are still planning on submitting your entry soon. My staff of trained chimps is standing by, ready to process your email and get it to my desk.

I'll be reviewing all of the entries next Wednesday and announcing the winner on Thursday. You're still in for a chance, but you need to be in it, to win it.

What in the fuck are you waiting for? Send the entry to me now or miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime. I'm even getting fresh batteries for the Laserpod for your entertainment pleasure! Life doesn't get much better than this!

Friday, January 28, 2005

VISIT THE HIPPY'S SHROOM ROOM! YOU CAN SHROOM WITH ME, HERE'S HOW!

I'm a four-wheeled hippy now! The Yaris is street-legal and on the road. I drove to work in it tonight. Yippppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

It's small, easy to drive, but not the fastest car I've ever driven. Mainly, it is perfect for my purposes, transporting me from fabulous north London, all around town. I'm a happy hippy!

The only thing it is lacking is a CD player, which I can easily live without. The stock-stereo is built into the molded plastic dash, so I don't know how easy it would be to change it. It's a low priority for me at this point.

I've received a plug from my friends at http://www.magicplants.co.uk, they've added a link to my blog on their news page of their site, pointing out the "shroom with the hippy contest". Here, you can read what they said about me RIGHT HERE.

Besides running a cool website, Magic Plants also have a stall in Camden Market, called the "Wrong Shop". This hippy has purchased fresh shrooms and grow kits from them on many occasions.

I don't get down to Camden as often as I used to and recently I've shopping for shrooms online. When I used to purchase them at the Market, I always went to the Wrong Shop. Their shrooms are always the freshest and their prices can't be beat, with big discounts for bulk buying. Consider this a hippy endorsement!

Tell 'em the hippy sent you and they will actually know who you are talking about! That makes for a change, though they wouldn't remember me personally, at least they know my name. Say "hi" to Jutt and Chris for me!

Speaking of the shroom contest, you only have about 5 more days left to get your entry in. I'll be choosing the winner later next week, expect an announcement on Thursday 3rd Feb. Bet you are all very excited and with good reason! This is a priceless prize that you can't purchase in any shop!

I'm going to keep this brief and go back to work now. I'm tentatively planning on returning later this evening for another blast of my "special brand of drivel". I expect you to sit in front of your PC, hitting refresh and counting the seconds until I do!

PS
I tried to email this posting in again and it is still not working. What's up with that shit, man?
WANNA SHROOM WITH ME? OF COURSE YOU DO, CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS!

I’m spoiling you guys! Three times in one 24-hour period is unheard of for this hippy!

It’s not even that I have anything particularly interesting to say; in fact the opposite is true. I’m just very bored and I thought I would spread the boredom around as far and as widely as possible.

The problem with my job is that it is either extremely busy or dead-quiet. There is no middle ground. I wish there was a happy medium, but in my industry it just doesn’t exist.

The problem with when it gets busy is that a body count often follows. No, not in my office, but in other locations around the world. The busier I am, the more dead people there seem to be. I’m sure this could be expressed as a mathematical equation, but I’m not that clever.

Does your job ever involve a body-count? Mine does most days, but thankfully I don’t usually know any of the deceased. I’ve had 4 friends & colleagues get killed in the last few years though and each time it was a bummer of epic proportions.

The line of work I’m in involves risks, which as professionals we try to minimise as much as possible. Sometimes we are better at than others.

I’ve been rather fortunate recently; I’ve not lost anyone I know in a while. Considering how dangerous it is in Iraq, especially with the elections only a couple of days away, that’s pretty amazing. I’ve know loads of people there right now and I’m hoping and praying they all come home safely.

Iraq is nothing like any other warzone in terms of safety for journos. It’s amazing that no one I know hasn’t been kidnapped or beheaded.

The war in Iraq was a huge mistake. Anyone who tries to tell you differently is lying, stupid or just plain fucked. Probably they are a combination of all three. The loss of life, the expense, lack of unconventional weapons and lack of flowing oil means that this war hasn’t done anything it had set out to do. It was one big fucking waste of time, money and more importantly, human life.

The body-count is bound to rise in the next few days in the lead-up to the election on Sunday. Innocent people will most likely die horrible, unpleasant deaths at the hands of the insurgents. I find it all very sad.

And look out Iran, Georgie W’s got his eyes on you. Screw diplomacy, there’s some smart bombs with Tehranian addresses programmed into their memories. Start digging that bunker now if you’re in Iran, because your country is about to re-enter the dark ages!

Think I’m joking? Think again!

I don’t really have that much to add on the subject of Iraq. I’ve made my feelings known plainly for as long as I’ve had this blog, even longer if you know me in real life. I never expected to America to attack without UN backing, so I got it wrong from the start. The war was a mistake; America is a fascist state with little or no regard for any other sovereign nation. Beware, your country might be next, unless you start agreeing with the Bush and co – and yes, France, I mean you!

America’s a bully; they impose their will on the world through force, not through constructive, well drafted arguments. Diplomacy ain’t in their vocabulary, but “bombs away” sure is!

I wish I lived in a world where everyone loved each other, respected each other and actually dug each other for their differences. But I don’t and neither do you.

If you find another planet, with more intelligent life on it, please get it touch. I’d split the cost of a rocketship with you. We could take a stellar carpool to paradise. Train your telescopes in the right direction and see what you can find. This hippy is ready to tag along, I’ll even roll a few spliffs for the trip!
YOU CAN SHROOM WITH THE HIPPY! CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS!

I'm at work, it's already dullsville. As long as I can remain awake, that's not a bad thing at all.

I've been up since 8am on Thursday, I tried to go back to sleep for a nap, but it wasn't happening. I guess I was too excited about my newly purchased car.

The car is sitting outside my north London lair, I couldn't score the tax disc. An email from my insurer wasn't good enough, they need to see the original insurance certificate. If I'm lucky, the postman will shove that document through my letterbox early tomorrow morning.

I'm planning on staying awake until the post is delivered. If the paperwork arrives, I'm going to run up to the post office and sort it all out. With luck, I should be on the road tomorrow night. Here's hoping I am anyway! I really want to be using the car.

I've got pictures of it, but since I don't know how to post them to the blog, you don't get to see them. Just look up a five door Yaris online, pretend its shiny and black and you'll know exactly what my groovy new car looks like.

Don't be confused, the car is not really new, it's 4 years old. I guess it is new to me though. It's really tiny, but I like it. Actually, it's about as practical and unsexy as a car could be, so it suits me just fine.

Please mister postman, bring me my insurance certificate so I can drive my new car tomorrow night! I said please, fuckers!

It's all out of my hands, like so much of life's niggling little hiccups.

It's my mother's 75th birthday today. Wow. Seventy-five years is a good long time, though for nearly the last 3 years, she hasn't had much of a life. I phoned her, naturally, to wish her a "happy birthday". She was practically incomprehensible and I didn't get much of what she was saying. Hardly any of it, really. She said she was tired and her speech always suffers when she is not rested.

I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, wishing her a "happy birthday". There's very little in her life which is happy, I can't think that her birthday would make that list. Whenever she mentions that father died, it is always followed by "...and he left me all alone." I don't think there's any happiness left in the world for my mother.

I suppose, if I visited, or my brother did, my mother would be briefly happy, but then we would leave and she would be down again. My younger brother thinks that the only reason she is still alive is that she is hanging on to see one or both of us again, one last time. Maybe he's right, I just don't know.

I know I'd love to see her, but I worry that it would screw me up. Seeing her alone, in that state, knowing I can't do anything to help her and then getting back on a plane to my real life is more than I can bear. I know I should go, I may very well go, but I can't help feeling that no good would come out of a visit. I wish I felt differently, but it scares me.

I'm useless, I'm weak and just plain no-good, but at least I'm honest.

I should go pretend to do some work now. Actually, that's not true, I've done all my work and am all caught up. I'm ahead of myself if you must know. Work always comes before blogging.

If you haven't entered the big shrooming contest, shame on you! What are you waiting for? You've got less than a week to get your entry into my email box. One lucky hippyfan is going to get to live the dream...and that lucky hippyfan could be you....

But only if you send me your entry! I can't get it just by reading your mind, no matter how hard I try!

PS
I tried to email this post, but after an hour, it didn't turn up. If you're reading this twice, don't blame me, blame Blogger!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! CLICK HERE TO SHROOM WITH THE HIPPY!

This is gonna be really quick and short. It needs to be.

I'm up early even though I'm working tonight. I'm going to attempt to collect the car. Well, actually I'm going to attempt to buy a tax disk, without my proper insurance certificate. Instead, I have a printout of the email confirmation from the insurer.

According to the DVLA website, you can present the insurance certificate or the covering letter, which confirms the coverage details, so I'm going to give it a shot. I usually lose big whenever I come up against bureaucracy, but I'm willing to gamble because I really want to use the car for work tonight.

I might even get really lucky and be here when the post comes this morning, I plan on leaving in the next 30 minutes. Maybe the postman has the proper docs, in which case the question mark disappears.

Is this hippy that lucky? Can Toyota Yaris's fly?

I know it's a dull, boring car, but it's my car now and I'm excited about having one again. If I am lucky and am able to drive away in it today, I'm going to make my first trip to the supermarket before I come home. And I'm going to fill the tank all the way to the top with petrol.

How exciting is my life? Don't envy me for my glamorous media lifestyle! Envy me because I drive a moderately priced, economy car!

You see, I’ve put off buying that Porsche, which means my mid-life crisis has not peaked yet. I'm still on the up, in my the quest to re-discover my youth. My extended adolescence just had another year or 2 added on to it, at least!

How yipppppppppppeeeeeeeee worthy is that?

Speaking of yippppppeeeeeeeees, I've already had a couple of entries to the contest, which seem to meet the requirements! Well done you guys for following instructions! That means one week for today, some lucky hippyfan is going to be crowded the winner of the "shroom with the hippy contest"!

Now that is so yippppppppppeeeeee worthy, I might even hurt myself!

Get your entries in soon, you've only got less than a week! Good luck!

Maybe catch you later when I'm driving around in the new hippymobile!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

WANT TO WIN A CHANCE TO SHROOM WITH THE HIPPY? CLICK HERE!

The hippy has purchased a car!

That’s right, I put a deposit down on a moderately priced used car today. It’s a black, 5 door, Toyota Yaris, a “Y” reg built in 2001 with a 1.0 litre engine and very low mileage. This hippy got a crackin’ deal!

I purchased it from a dealer here in north London and I’m planning on collecting it tomorrow. I’ve just now purchased insurance for it, once I get the documents in the post, I need to get it road-tax’ed, then I’ll be fully legal.

I’m still going to drive it home tomorrow, and park it outside. I reckon I’ll have the road tax by Friday or Saturday, Monday the latest, so I’ll risk it.

I took it for a little spin and it handled quite nicely. It’s got a year’s MOT and has been checked and serviced this month. I think I got a real bargain, usually they cost a lot more. I did well, I think.

So welcome to the hippymobile, mark 2, small, moderately priced and cheap as fuck to run. The insurance and road tax class for it is one of the lowest, so I’m laughing. Hahahahahaha. See?

I don’t know if I’ll have it available to take to work this weekend, it’s certainly not going to happen for tomorrow. Though, you never know, it is possible that the insurance docs could arrive tomorrow. I just ordered the policy, so they have 2 hours to print it and make the last post. Wouldn’t that be something if I had it all together to use tomorrow? Unlikely, but would be cool, eh?

I might have it for Friday or Saturday though. Saturday would be an especially good night to have the car, since the tube journey home on a Sunday morning is usually quite a long and difficult one.

Cross your fingers, fuckers! This hippy wants to be on the road asap!

Blogger has been playing up today, it's taken me forever to log into it just now. I had some problems earlier too, when I was working on my second blog.

That second, secret blog continues to go well. It’s amazing, but any new visitor that goes to it, reads every single entry, I’ve got around 14 on there now and they are all pretty long. They also come back frequently to read my updates. It’s amazing how appealing people find someone else’s sex secrets. I shouldn’t be surprised, that is why I chose this subject to fictionalise.

I reckon I’ll try to promote it in a few weeks, I want to get a bigger audience before I start with the amazing revelations, which are sure to garner even more interest. Soon, hippy, soon, it’s all on track for big fun!

You’ve still got about a week to enter the “Shroom with the hippy contest”, the deadline is next Wednesday. You better hurry if you want me to pick you. So get your shroomin’ shoes on and be ready to party!

Shroomin’ shoes? No one I know makes them, but if they did, I’d sure buy a pair. I’m going to be ordering some shrooms next week, I think I’ll go for Colombians again, they were very visual and colourful. If you’re that lucky hippyfan who gets to join me for some shroomtastic fun, these are the very shrooms you will be enjoying too!

I’m not kidding fuckers, one lucky hippyfan will be shrooming with me in my fabulous north London lair one week from this Saturday. Don’t you want it to be you? Ok, then follow the link at the top of this entry for more details!

It’s not like you have something better to do next Saturday anyway. Besides, what could be better than shrooming with me? Not a damn thing!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Here's your chance to shroom with the hippy!

The northlondonhippy is very pleased to announce his latest promotion:

The “YOU CAN SHROOM WITH THE HIPPY CONTEST!”

That’s right kids, one lucky hippyfan will be coming to my lair in fabulous north London for an afternoon of seriously shroomtastic fun!

Here’s everything you need to know to enter this amazing, once in a lifetime competition with a priceless prize:

The details:
========
- Contest Deadline: Midnight (GMT) On Weds 2nd February 2005
- Winner Announced: Thursday 3rd February 2005

- The Shrooming Date: Saturday 5th February 2005
- TheTime: Negotiable (afternoon preferred)
- Location: The northlondonhippy'’s lair, in fabulous north London

You'’ll arrive at my lair at a pre-agreed time, where you will be met with a dose of fresh magic mushrooms (dosage according to YOUR experience), spliff, soft drinks and the coolest music videos. Once we come down, perhaps we'll order a pizza or even some of my favourite Malasyian take-away!

You'’ll spend the entire afternoon off of your face, enjoying the pleasure of the company of "the
“most shroomtastic stoner on the internet"”, yours truly, the northlondonhippy.

Oh what fun we’ll have together!


The rules:
=======
The contest is open to:
- Anyone over the age of 18
- Who resides in the UK
- Can make their own way to fabulous north London
- Doesn’t suffer from any physical or mental illnesses
- Won’t hold the hippy responsible or liable for anything as a result of the shrooming

The contest is NOT open to:
- Anyone under the age of 18
- Anyone outside of the UK
- Anyone involved in the law enforcement industry
- Anyone who doesn’t want to shroom with this hippy


How to enter:
==========
Simply send an email to me at northlondonhippy@yahoo.co.uk with the following information:
- Your age
- Your location
- Your first name (a screen name will do)
- Your availability on Saturday 5th February 2005
- Please confirm your ability to travel to north London as well
- "Hippy Shroom Contest" in the subject line of the email


The Competition:
============
This time the contest will take the form of a simple essay question. In addition to the above information, please include your answer to the following:

"Why should that crazeeeee hippy pick me for an afternoon of shrooming?"

By "me", of course I mean "you" and by "hippy" of course I mean me. Confused? "Me" too.

Your answer can be as long as you wish, there is no limit on the length of your entry. Be creative, be inventive, and be inspired, I’ll be judging all entries fairly and equally and my decision is final.


The Disclaimer:
===========
“The northlondonhippy in no way wishes to encourage anyone to follow any of my examples. I take no responsibility or liability from any foolishness or mischief that may ensue if you do copy any of my "wild drug fueled antics". I believe individuals are 100% responsible for their own actions, so don't even think of blaming this hippy for dick! This includes the contest winner.”


One Simple Condition:
================
The winner will be required to sign a simple non-disclosure agreement, which states that they will in no way ever disclose my name, nor any other detail about me, which could intentionally or unintentionally reveal my true identity.

As you all know, my real identity is one of the most closely guarded secrets in the world. Much like the formula for Coca Cola, it is kept in a locked safe in Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

I would expect any hippyfan to be fully understanding of this simple fact and am happy to show a great degree of trust to the winner of the contest.

So that’s it kids, the contest is now open and I am ready to receive your entries.

I'’m looking forward to a real effort from all of you who meet the entry requirements!

Good luck to you all, may the best hippyfan win!
Have I received your entry yet? You’ve got about a week to send me one, before the contest closes and I choose the winner.

You want to be a winner, don’t you? Of course you do! Well, you can’t win it if you ain’t in it! What are you waiting for? This is your big chance to shroom with me. Scroll down if you want to know more!

I’ve had a relatively mellow day, I was out early taking care of some urgent business, then back to my lair to take care of a few things. I haven’t really done all that much, but just enough to feel like the day hasn’t been wasted.

I’ve possibly located a car. It’s not a VW Polo, I’ve given up on that idea. I’ve had too much trouble finding one and have recently read some consumer reports that say they aren’t actually that good. I’m off the idea.

My new plan is to get a Toyota Yaris.

Yes, I know it’s a dull car, but that’s not a bad thing. The running costs are low, they are highly rated and it will hold its value fairly well.

There’s one not too far from my place, it’s a black 5-door and I’m hopefully going to see it tomorrow. Mrs. Hippy will be coming with me, as she wants to check out the size of the boot. She’s concerned it will be too small.

Though the car is mainly for me to use to go back and forth to work, Mrs. H will be using it occasionally as well and I want her to be happy with it too.

This is exciting.

I’m sure you’re all sick of reading about my simple search for a moderately priced used car. If I’m lucky, I’ll be buying one tomorrow and the hunt will be over. Let’s hope so.

I’m feeling really tired today, I don’t think I had enough sleep last night and I was up early this morning. I’ll be up early tomorrow as well. I’m up early most days, unless I’m working.

The thrills are just non-stop today, better put on your safety helmets!

I spoke to my younger brother yesterday, it was the first time we’d spoken in nearly 6 months. Families, eh? It was good to catch up with him a bit, we might have lunch together next week.

I’ve really got nothing to say today and I’m struggling to come up with anything. I think it is because I feel so exhausted. If I had more energy, you’d be having more fun.

You might as well go read the “VERY BEST” of the hippy. I can tell you right now, this entry will not be making it on to that page!

Don’t let this put you off entering my contest though, I guarantee a non-stop rock’n’roll party for one lucky hippyfan!

Monday, January 24, 2005

THE "SHROOM WITH THE HIPPY CONTEST" IS NOW OPEN CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS

Can you stand it?

Are you ready?

Fuckers!

The contest is now open. This hippy is now open for business.

Let the motherfucking fun begin!

Have you got your email all ready to go? Are you ready to shroom with me?

I’m shrooming already. Yippeeeeeeeeee for the hippy!

I took 20 grams of fresh Hawaiians a few hours ago and I’m still quite spaced. They’re strong, but not as visual as others I’ve enjoyed recently. Mainly I did a lot less to get just as fucked, so you know its got to be a good thing.

I might have mentioned that I’m still a bit spaced.

It’s been an odd day and an odd trip, even for this hippy. I’ve had thoughts of silly things, like family dinners 20 years ago and not taking the time to appreciate simple things like those.

I’ve been thinking of my dad a bit, I’m missing him lots. Blah blah. Everyone has parents, they get old, and they die. Shit happens. You do your best to just get through every day.

It really is bleak and dreary, fuckers. Like does suck. The end. If you’re lucky, consumer goods and hard drugs keep you numb to the real truth. It is all pointless. Your life is meaningless.

Go on, what have you contributed to the world? What greatness do you bring to society? Exactly. Sweet fuck all.

Who’s gonna give a shit about any of us in one-hundred years even?

I don’t know about you, but I think drugs are the answer.

What was the question again?

Does it matter? Is there any situation that can’t be improved by the addition of a spliff? As if I need an excuse to eat a phat load of mushrooms.

I read books, watch films, television shows, I spend my hard earned cash everywhere they tell me too. I’ve got a shiny this and all-digital that, but where is my motherfucking happiness?

Tell me which thing it is I’m supposed to buy next which will bring me my perfect life. Is it an iPOD? How about a new car?

Oh fuck it, I’m spaced, rambling and this going no where fast. Just enter the my contest, while I go sober up a bit.

Your chance to shroom with the northlondonhippy has now arrived!

The northlondonhippy is very pleased to announce his latest, wild and wacky promotion:

The “YOU CAN SHROOM WITH THE HIPPY CONTEST!”

That’s right kids, one lucky hippyfan will be coming to my lair in fabulous north London for an afternoon of seriously shroomtastic fun!

Here’s everything you need to know to enter this amazing, once in a lifetime competition with a priceless prize:

The details:
========
- Contest Deadline: Midnight (GMT) On Weds 2nd February 2005
- Winner Announced: Thursday 3rd February 2005

- The Shrooming Date: Saturday 5th February 2005
- TheTime: Negotiable (afternoon preferred)
- Location: The northlondonhippy'’s lair, in fabulous north London

You'’ll arrive at my lair at a pre-agreed time, where you will be met with a dose of fresh magic mushrooms (dosage according to YOUR experience), spliff, soft drinks and the coolest music videos. Once we come down, perhaps we'll order a pizza or even some of my favourite Malasyian take-away!

You'’ll spend the entire afternoon off of your face, enjoying the pleasure of the company of "the
“most shroomtastic stoner on the internet"”, yours truly, the northlondonhippy.

Oh what fun we’ll have together!


The rules:
=======
The contest is open to:
- Anyone over the age of 18
- Who resides in the UK
- Can make their own way to fabulous north London
- Doesn’t suffer from any physical or mental illnesses
- Won’t hold the hippy responsible or liable for anything as a result of the shrooming

The contest is NOT open to:
- Anyone under the age of 18
- Anyone outside of the UK
- Anyone involved in the law enforcement industry
- Anyone who doesn’t want to shroom with this hippy


How to enter:
==========
Simply send an email to me at northlondonhippy@yahoo.co.uk with the following information:
- Your age
- Your location
- Your first name (a screen name will do)
- Your availability on Saturday 5th February 2005
- Please confirm your ability to travel to north London as well
- "Hippy Shroom Contest" in the subject line of the email


The Competition:
============
This time the contest will take the form of a simple essay question. In addition to the above information, please include your answer to the following:

"Why should that crazeeeee hippy pick me for an afternoon of shrooming?"

By "me", of course I mean "you" and by "hippy" of course I mean me. Confused? "Me" too.

Your answer can be as long as you wish, there is no limit on the length of your entry. Be creative, be inventive, and be inspired, I’ll be judging all entries fairly and equally and my decision is final.


The Disclaimer:
===========
“The northlondonhippy in no way wishes to encourage anyone to follow any of my examples. I take no responsibility or liability from any foolishness or mischief that may ensue if you do copy any of my "wild drug fueled antics". I believe individuals are 100% responsible for their own actions, so don't even think of blaming this hippy for dick! This includes the contest winner.”


One Simple Condition:
================
The winner will be required to sign a simple non-disclosure agreement, which states that they will in no way ever disclose my name, nor any other detail about me, which could intentionally or unintentionally reveal my true identity.

As you all know, my real identity is one of the most closely guarded secrets in the world. Much like the formula for Coca Cola, it is kept in a locked safe in Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

I would expect any hippyfan to be fully understanding of this simple fact and am happy to show a great degree of trust to the winner of the contest.

So that’s it kids, the contest is now open and I am ready to receive your entries.

I'’m looking forward to a real effort from all of you who meet the entry requirements!

Good luck to you all, may the best hippyfan win!
I’ll be making the big announcement tomorrow. That's what you're waiting for, isn't it?

I know that’s what you’ve all been checking for so diligently. You are dying to know the date of the “shroom with the hippy contest”!

Who can blame you? I’m giving one especially lucky hippyfan the chance to enjoy an afternoon of shrooming with me. This prize is priceless, there’s no way you could purchase an opportunity like this!

That’s a big lie. As I’ve said before, I would consider making personal appearances, all shroomed up and lairy. Go on, you can email me for my rather inflated rates. This hippy don’t come cheap! Fuckers!

I suppose the one unique aspect of the contest is that the winner gets to shroom with me here in my north London lair. I very rarely have guests or visitors, so one of you is actually getting to fully immerse themselves in my weird and twisted world.

This contest is not for the faint of heart or those with a weak constitution. You’ve got to be ready and able to party with this hippy if you want to join this competition.

I’ll be supplying all you need to know to enter the contest in my next post tomorrow. I hope you’ve already started working on your entry. There’s no limit on the length of your reply.

Do you remember the question? To enter, all you will need to do is email me with a reply to this simple question:

"Why should that crazeeeee hippy pick me for an afternoon of shrooming?"

Be creative, be controversial and as always, offers of sexual favours will magically make it to the top of the list.

Just kidding. (wink)

I promise to review each entry personally in my quest to find the perfect afternoon shrooming partner. I’ll supply the shrooms, the weed, the soft drinks and the entertainment. All you need to do is provide your own transport to and from my lair here in fabulous north London.

Why only soft drinks? Simple, booze and shrooms don’t mix. It’s a combination I would not recommend.

Isn’t it great that we all have something to look forward to? Though I’m also looking forward to an afternoon of shrooming this week, I’m going to try those Hawaiians finally. If I’m a really good hippy, it might even be tomorrow, but it all depends on how much of my real life stuff I can get done in the morning.

If I reach a point where I’ve crossed enough off my list of important shit to do this week, I’m going to be ingesting around 20 grams of fresh Copelandia Cyanescens. They’re supposed to be the strongest shrooms commercially available. This hippy will be the judge of that and I’m really looking forward to getting off my face on them tomorrow.

JOHNNY CARSON died today, he was 79 years old. Now, if you’re outside America, that name will be meaningless to you. Even inside the states, if you’re under a certain age, you might not know who I mean.

But if you’re like me, of a certain age or older and grew up watching TV in America, you’ll know exactly who I mean. Johnny was the undisputed king of late night television for decades. Before cable and satellite, when all you had was a handful of channels, “The Tonight Show” was always the best option. Everyone watched him.

Johnny’s monologues captured so much of what was happening on the day. He took the pulse of the nation every night at 11:30pm with humour, wit and a style that was truly his own.

The television industry owes Johnny a lot, he’s responsible for introducing the public to generations of comedians and musicians. His format, especially the opening monologue is one of the most imitated program formats in the world. Just about every country has a show that looks something like “The Tonight Show”, right down to the desk and sofa set.

And you see how I keep referring to him as “Johnny”. That’s all you ever had to call him, people would always know who you meant. Like if you said “Elvis” or “Madonna” even. He was that well known.

Johnny retired from television in the early 90’s and stayed firmly out of the spotlight. He did a guest voice appearance on an episode of “The Simpsons” and occasionally you might see him in a cut-away at a tennis match. He was a big fan of the sport as well as a serious amateur player. He might have done more, but living in north London means I might not be aware of it.

About three days ago, I caught THIS REPORT online that claimed Johnny was still contributing the occasion joke to David Letterman’s monologues. When I discovered he passed away this evening, I thought it was odd that I was reading about him that recently. He's not someone whose name had been in the news much in the last 10-12 years. Life is oddly connected in ways we can only imagine, but never truly understand.

As you might have guessed, I was a fan growing up. For a tv junky like me, his program was frequently the last thing I watched before I went to sleep at night. His sense of comedy was always spot on, he was a very quick wit. He had the sort of perfect timing in his delivery that other comedians can only dream of and he could say more with a glance or a raised eyebrow than most actors could.

He used to always be introduced with the now immortal line “Here’s Johnny!” Yes, like in “The Shining”, that’s where Nicholson’s catch phrase comes from. You have seen the film, haven’t you? Ok, then you must have read the book!

Good bye, Johnny! We already missed you, now we mourn you! Thanks for all the laughs!

I stayed up until the mid-afternoon today, before I crawled into my bed and slept more than I planned. I emerged from slumber around 9pm and joined Mrs. Hippy for the final of Celebrity Big Brother.

I didn’t see that much of this series, but the bits that I saw were quite funny. They really made it unpleasant for the celebs (if I can be so bolds as to call them that!) this time.

If you haven’t heard, Bez from the “Happy Mondays” won it. I’m pleased for him, he seems like a decent guy, he’s a serious spliff head and he said how much he could use the dosh! Good on’em for winning it! He’s a right sorted diamond geezer, innit?

But there’s going to be an even bigger winner very soon and that will be the winner of the “shroom with the hippy contest”! It’s the prize you can’t put a price on!

You can feel the anticipation building, like the forces of a volcano as it approaches eruption as advanced word of the contest spreads across the internet like warm butter on toast. Big corporations spend millions on viral marketing to create the sort of underground buzz coming from this impending event.

Come back tomorrow for all the details you’ve been waiting for…all the details that you need to brighten up your otherwise bleak and dreary existences!

The big announcement is now less than 24 hours away! I don’t know about you, but I’m so fucking excited, I just might piss myself. How are any of us going to possibly get any sleep tonight?

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I hate putting titles on my entries....

It's my last night here and then I'm off for four fun-filled days & nights. I thought it was only three, so I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered the extra day/night off! I like surprises, don't you?
 
It's quite mellow and relaxed here tonight, I'm hoping to get a bit nice later, but this remains to be seen. It shouldn't be a problem, 'cause I'm one slick hippy.
 
Mrs. Hippy caught up on the blog today, she tends to do that about once a month or so. I'm always interested in her reaction to what I write as she is particularly critical of what I sometimes say.
 
Basically, she says she skips over my lengthy "drug rants" as she calls them, which she doesn't find so interesting.
 
Since it's the main thrust of what I do here in hippyland, this doesn't leave much for her to enjoy. She likes my jokes at least and overall she's impressed with what I do. As she should be, this blog is very impressive, but I don't need to tell you that, my good hippyfans!
 
I like what I do here, especially the drug related stuff. The world needs someone who's unashamed of his drug use to tell the truth about them. But that's not the main purpose of this blog anyway, it's chiefly to amuse yours truly. Not exclusively though, I want the casual or regular visitor to dig what I' m doing too, you dig?
 
Sometimes, I randomly click on a previous entry, to re-read it myself. Now that my library of previous entries is so vast (230 plus at last count), there's plenty to choose from. The very early postings weren't on target, but once I've found my inner-hippyvoice, there's a consistency and humour to my posts which runs through the entire blog.
 
And I almost always tell the truth. When I don't, there's a reason. Normally it's to set-up one of my amusing little jokes and I come clean after the punchline. For example, Mrs. H was reading THIS ENTRY from New Year's Eve, which even fooled her. She was getting pissed-off by it, before I let on it was a wind-up. Go on, if you haven't read it, you can take a look right now.
 
I do like to have fun, you know! The world needs more fun and if I can be responsible for contributing even a little, my work here is done.
 
Are you working on your contest entries? I'm expecting a good effort from anyone who really wants to win! Get them ready, though don't send them yet!
 
Some prizes are so rare and so special, that you can't put a price on them. The chance to "shroom with the hippy" is just such a prize. It certainly is priceless and it's an especially unique opportunity. May the best hippyfan win!
 
I'll be opening up my email box to entries just as soon as I fix the date for the shrooming. Keep checking back for updates.
 
I might come back later and amuse you all some more, or perhaps I'll just take it easy and do nothing personally productive. At this stage, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, especially not my own. Until next time, I remain your virtual pal, the northlondonhippy!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

I'm not asleep yet, but nearly. I'm really going to keep this brief.

To the two hippyfans who already emailed me about the shroom contest, a few thoughts:

1) The contest is not open yet. I'll be advising when the contest begins later this week. Please check back for updates

2) One of you lives in Australia. I'm sorry, it's only open to UK residents with a reasonable chance of actually traveling to my north London lair.

3) No, you can't just watch me shroom. If you plan on entering the contest, then you should have an interest or at least curiosity in doing them.

4) You do need to be over 18, sorry other hippyfan, but no minors.

5) Sorry, but due to these technicalities, neither one of you is eligible to enter the contest.

I'm pleased with the quick response guys, but I'm going to do this as fairly as possible. And hey, at least I didn’t name and shame you here in blog. As if I would do something like that!

And this time, the contest will be in the form of a question.

Ok, you can have the question now, so you can start working on your entries. Here it is:

"Why should that crazeeeee hippy pick me for an afternoon of shrooming?"

By "me", of course I mean "you" and by "hippy" of course I mean me. Confused? "Me" too.

Be creative, be clever, and try to make your entry stand out against the others. Let me know how much your drab and dreary existence will be brightened by a shroom session with a certified expert and well-known proponent of them.

Ok, ok, I'm not well known at all. I'm underground, with my cult following of dedicated hippyfans. How lucky are you for discovering me before I break big.

And just think, whoever wins this contest will probably be able to make a 5-figure payday from one of the tabloids when they sell their story.

I can see the headline now:

"MY SHROOM HELL WITH THE NORTHLONDONHIPPY!
- See pages 2,3,5,6,9,14,37,38 & 56 for more details."

It could turn my life into a living hell! But I'll risk it, because everything I do, I do for you hippyfans.

If I can improve the quality of just one of your lives for one afternoon, simply by sharing out the shroom magic, shouldn't I be doing it? Isn't it a moral imperative? I think the answer is obvious, don't you?

Hell, yes, fuckers!

But don't send those entries in just yet, kids. Special instructions on how to enter will follow when I announce the shrooming date and declare my my email box open. Until then, just be patient.

Can you feel it?

Can you sense deep in your bones the intoxicatingly electric buzz spreading out across the internet as news of this rare opportunity spreads like a virus across the WWW thing?

Maybe it's just me.

Start working on those entries, they can be as long as you like. I promise to read each and every one of them personally. But don't send them in just yet...just check back often for the big announcement!

I'm a very bad hippy...

I was thinking about this earlier and I'm actually a very bad hippy.

 

I didn't set out to be one, but I think if I tested this, it would prove to be true. Perhaps not by my standards, but I would come out "bad", based upon an "objective test".

 

The test I have in mind will involve 10 questions, which you at home can answer too.

 

My test is based on "The Ten Commandments" which some people think were handed down by a supreme being often referred to as "god".

 

Now, I've seen the film and "god" was an off-screen voice over and he gave the stone tablets to Charlton Heston, who is/was the head of the NRA in America. This has nothing to do with anything really, I'm just rambling.

 

Here's the northlondonhippy "are u a bad person" quiz (my personal answers appear underneath each question):

 

1) "You shall have no other gods besides Me.

- Broken. I don't really have any god, unless you wish to count my mushroom god.

 

2) "You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the water under the earth.

- Not broken. I've never made any idols, but I like Pop Idol and I don't think that counts

 

3) "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.

- Broken. Jesus H. Christ is one of my favourite exclamations, so is goddammit.

 

4) "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

- Broken. I work shifts, which means I potentially can be working any day of the week.

 

5)  "Honour your father and your mother
- Broken. And badly. Enough said. Re-read previous entries if you want more details.

 

6) "You shall not murder.

- Not broken. But I live in hope, grrrrrrrr

 

7)  "You shall not commit adultery.

- Broken. Not since I've been with Mrs. Hippy though, but in the past....

 

8)  "You shall not steal.

- Broken. When I was about 4, I nicked a GI Joe doll from the playground. I gave it back

 

9) "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

- Broken. I make stuff up about them all the time. Their real lives are dull, so I need to do it.

 

10 "You shall not covet you neighbour’s house; your neighbour’s wife or his ass or anything that belongs to your neighbour."
- Broken. I covet my neighbour's car, it's a Porsche, or "mid-life crisis mobile" as I like to call them. But I don't covet his house, his wife or his ass. Well, I guess I might covet his wife's ass a little bit though.

 

Scoring:

1 point for each commandment you've broken.

0 points for each commandment you've obeyed.

 

How'd you do?

 

I scored an "8", which makes me a very bad boy indeed. All I need to do is construct a false idol and murder someone and I'd have a perfect score. Note to hippy: Must try harder!

 

According to the bible, which is not a book this hippy has read much of, if you scored more than "zero" on my little test, you're condemned to burn in hell eternally. Don't worry, you'll be in very good company and you will finally get that chance to meet this hippy!

 

Speaking of meeting the hippy, I've had a chance to think a bit about running another "shroom with the hippy contest" and I've made my decision. Just now.

 

The contest is a go'er! Yipppppeeeeeeeee!

 

I've still got to work out potential dates and I want to give lots of notice. I'm thinking sometime in Feb. Don't worry, I'll promote the hell out of it once I can pin down a definitive date.

 

The contest will be open to anyone over the age of 18 who can easily visit my lair in fabulous north London; travel costs will not be included.

 

What will be included is an afternoon of "shrooming with the hippy", which would consist of visiting me at my place for some fresh shrooms (dosage suitable for your experience level), some good spiff, soft drinks, music videos and several hours of the the weird and twisted company of the "most shroomtastic stoner on the internet", yours truly, the northlondonhippy!

 

Who wants to win the National Lottery, when you can win an afternoon of shrooming with me? Camelot eat your hearts out!

 

Entering the contest is free; all you will need to do is send me an email. But not yet, wait until I fix the date. You wouldn't want to win and then discover you're not available on the day of the shrooming! That would suck a big, wet, hairy one. Bummer, man.

 

Can you feel the anticipation building already? The 'net will be buzzing like crazy once word of the impending contest begins to spread. As soon as all the details are confirmed, I'll post them here in the blog. Expect an official announcement later this week.

 

How cool is that? Now we all have something to look forward to in our otherwise bleak and dreary existences! Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Friday, January 21, 2005

Before the fun, a bit of business!

My number one hippyfan, Shashank, let the following comment on my blog:
 
"Hippy, it might distress you to know that your new page format doesn't render very well on the Macintosh. I use Safari in OS X, and your blogs appear in very narrow columns to the right, making it very hard to read.

What was wrong with the earlier format anyway?
--
Posted by Shashank to the northlondonhippy at 1/21/2005 09:47:12 AM "
 
You're right Shankster, this does distress me.
 
It would never be this hippy's intention to screw anyone over that wants to read the blog, especially my ace-est number one fan! It's also bad news for me, since as you know, I've been seriously considering your advice about purchasing an Apple myself.
 
I chose the new format for several reasons, mainly I was not that happy with the old template, never was. It was very plain and boring and used by lots and lots of other blogs. I had wanted to change it for ages.
 
It wasn't easy for me to make the switch and this current template wasn't my first choice, other's that I tried would not work at all. I do like this new one much better than the old one, especially for the weed-green colour scheme, just like my beloved skunk buds.
 
Shashank, I don't really know what to tell you. Do you have the dreaded Internet Explorer on your Mac? I bet it would display OK on that. I've checked the site with Firefox and IE6 and it displayed just fine in both. I don't have access to a Mac at the moment, so I can't check it for myself. Obviously, I believe what you are saying, I just don't have an explanation for you.
 
I don't wish to alienate the world's top hippyfan, but I like the new template. It wouldn't be any fun to go back to the boring old one. It would be a hassle actually. Sorry Shankster, but for now, I think I'm, going to stick with this version. Give IE6 a test, if you have it and see if it is any better. I appreciate that opening a 2nd browser just to read the hippy could be a pain in the ass, but I'm hoping you'll give it a try.
 
This hippy as rule, aims to please, so it pains me that I can't on this occasion do as I've been requested. I'll certainly keep an open mind though and reserve the right to change the template again at a later date.
 
And that ends the business as well as the small time window of opportunity I had to make this entry. I'll be back later to write some more, I've even got an idea. The next entry will be entitled: "I'm a very bad man", since I've come to the conclusion that I am. Tune in later to read this upcoming masterpiece!


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