VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, February 28, 2005

Sign up for the big VOSS! You know it makes sense!

A hippyfan writes:

“Dear Mr. Hippy,

I’m a big fan of your blog, I read it all the time, but I have a question. Why are you always insulting us by calling us “fuckers”? Don’t you think that’s a bit mean?”

They go on to talk about how wonderful I am at great length, but I’ll spare you that bit. Also, this hippyfan requested that if I write about the email, I do not identify them. That’s cool with me, I’m happy to keep all of your secrets.

When I refer to you all as “fuckers” it is meant affectionately. I certainly don’t mean to cause any offence. In my world, there is no such thing as obscenity!

Would you prefer it if I called you all “celibates”? At least if I call you “fuckers” it implies that you’re getting some! Trust me, it’s meant as a compliment, you sex maniacs!

I know better than anyone that all of my hippyfans are intensely attractive and intelligent, with discerning tastes and a way-above average IQ. You are all by far the coolest fuckers on the net! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Remember, you are card carrying members of the vanguard of the internet elite. You’ve found the greatest undiscovered blog on the web, well done you for getting this far.

I won’t be undiscovered forever, or as I prefer to think of it, underground. This is the year of the hippy, 2005 is all mine!

But don’t worry, once I’m fabulously wealthy and famous, I won’t forget the little people who helped me out along the way. I want to thank god, my agent, my lawyer and all the good people at Blogger for their support, assistance and love!

Its Oscar night and I’m getting carried away a bit. I have more chance of visiting the planet Neptune than I do ever winning an award for anything. At least my megalomania exists only online, which is a good place for it!

I might be insane, but at least I’m not “clinically insane”. That wouldn’t be as much fun!

It’s still the year of the hippy, things are looking good!

Speaking of the Academy Awards, I’ll be able to watch the ceremony here at work, which is quite cool. I always find it entertaining, but then I’m a bit sad. I’m hoping Chris Rock will be amusing, as he is the host this year. He better offend someone or they shouldn’t pay him!

I wrote my longest entry ever on the other blog today. It ran nearly 17 full pages of 14pt type in word, around 6,200 words. I’m hoping it was my best posting ever! I really pushed it to the limit.

I’m more determined than ever to get it published and will be contacting the agent again this week to see if anything is happening. Even if it doesn’t sell, I’ve still had a blast writing it.

I’m up to around 60,000 words and 24 chapters now. I reckon I’ve got around 4-6 more entries to go before I consider it finished. I’ll leave it alone after that, but then in around 6 months time, I’ll start working on the sequel.

Yes, there will be a sequel and I’ve already registered the name on Blogger. I’m thinking ahead!

My brand new Apple G5 iMAC could arrive as early as tomorrow. I’m very excited, it is going to be so motherfucking cool!

I’m going to order my extra RAM memory tomorrow. The G5 is shipped with a mingy 256 megs of RAM, but I’m planning on increasing it to the maximum of 2 Gigs.

If I did it via Apple, it would have cost the princely sum of 480 quid. By scoring the chips from another source (Crucial Memory UK), I can get the same amount of RAM for around 300 quid. That’s a savings of nearly 200 quid, which is quite massive.

I’ve ordered from Crucial before, they are a good site, they guarantee compatibility with your computer and they ship things quickly. I reckon if I place the order as soon as I get home, it could be with me as early as Tuesday. It’s worth it since it will optimise my system for intensive tasks, like video editing.

I’m shopping around for a DV camera, I’m looking at Sony’s line because they offer widescreen capabilities. That’s one feature I want. I also want audio inputs, so I can plug in proper microphones as well.

I’m getting all dull and technical again, sorry.

I haven’t got that much more to say, the Oscars have just started and I wanna watch it. Catch ya later, fuckers!

Saturday, February 26, 2005

VOSS here, VOSS there, VOSS, VOSS everywhere! Be there or beware! Click here for details…

I’m probably having more fun than you right now. How can I be so sure?

Because I’m always having fun! Fun is the name of the game around here, but I don’t have to tell you that! It’s the reason why you’ve dropped by. You need some more fun in your life!

That’s what I’m here for, to provide you with enjoyment and entertainment. I’m here to improve your otherwise bleak and dreary existence.

Remember, I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for YOU! It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it!

And you’d think, with me, here every day and night, giving so much to so many, that I might get a little bit of it back through free goods and services. But you’d be wrong.

I don’t get any free shit. As the “biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of”, you’d think people would be sending me all sorts of free shit, on the off chance that I might write about it. And if the hippy recommends it, you know it has to be good! A recommendation from the hippy is advertising you can’t buy!

Well, actually, that’s not true. I’m a proper media whore. Gimme enough money and I’d endorse rat poison. I’m available for hire, email me for my attractive rates.

And speaking of rats, I haven’t heard so much as a peep from the one that was stuck inside my extractor fan. I haven’t smelled him either, so perhaps it did free itself. I sure hope so. I don’t want a dead rat in my house, but then who would?

Anyway, back to the free stuff. If you have a product or service that you would like to see featured here in the hippy-blog, then get in touch. I’ll be happy to give whatever it is a test and review it here online. If you want an especially positive review, you really should consider bunging me something extra. Needless to say, hookers, drugs or cash only please. I have my standards.

The other blog (oh here we go!) continues to provide me with an entertaining diversion. Several more bloggers have added links to my second, secret site and my main character continues to be a figure of hate and scorn. I love it!

I’m working on another twist to the saga, which is probably going to be the least realistic action I’ve written so far. I want to push the limits a bit and I’m going to attempt to create a scene worthy of a French bedroom farce. It’s just to amuse myself mainly, I want to see how far I can push people’s gullibility.

That’s the thing, no one so far has questioned whether or not it is true. I guess people don’t think anyone would fictionalise a blog, especially one where the protagonist is so loathsome and unlovable.

My offer still holds, any hippfan that would like the URL to the other blog can email me. My number one fan, Shankster emailed me for the address and of course, he received a personal reply. You can too, if you’re brave enough to get in touch!

I wish there was more give and take here at the hippy, interactivity is something I positively encourage. I know you can feel the love coming from me, but I need to feel more of the love from all you hippyfans out there. Drop me an email, leave some pleasant comments, please.

Yes, the northlondonhippy is a needy SOB. Love me, love me, love me! I’ll still respect you in the morning!

I’m at work now and I can’t believe it’s only now that I’ve managed to get that fact into this entry. I like blogging from work, there’s something cool about knowing that while all of my hippyfans are asleep, I’m making sure they have a fresh entry to read when they wake up.

Start your day with the hippy! It’s better than orange juice and less likely to cause an upset tummy!

The most exciting news I got today was from my friends at Apple Computer. My brand new G5 iMAC has been shipped, it left the factory on Friday. That means it could be with me anytime. I’m guessing it will be delivered this Weds, but it could come as early as Monday. I can’t fucking wait!

See, I told you the fun never stops! Can you stand it, fuckers?

Thursday, February 24, 2005

What is a VOSS? Find out and discover how you can join the next one!

Yeah.

My day started with a loud knock my front door. I was out of bed like a shot, peering through the peep-hole before I knew what hit me.

It was the postman, delivering my new mobile phone. I quickly signed for it and tore the envelope open like a kid on Christmas morning. It’s charged up, SIM’d up and connected to the network. That was quick!

In case you forgot, I went for the Sony Ericsson s700i. You should get one, it's ace.

The phone is just as gorgeous as I thought it would be and the camera takes really nice high-res photos as well as video. I’m not blown away by the video to be honest. Maybe it will look better when I port it to my new iMAC. The same with the photos, once I can do that, I’ll post some here in the blog.

That’s why I went for the Bluetooth module on the iMAC, so among other things, it can easily talk to my new cameraphone. It’s all part of my happening new all-digital lifestyle.

My iMAC should be here sometime next week. I’m already thinking of the extra bits I’m going to want to go with it. Here’s my (incomplete) list:

Extra memory: 2gigs = £300
Logic 7 Express: Audio Software = £200
Final Cut HD Express: Video Software = £200
USB Audio interface = £150
DV videocamera+accessories = £500
IPOD: 60 gig photo model = £300

As you can see, having an all-digital lifestyle doesn’t come cheap. Don’t worry, I’m not going to maniacally buy it all at once. The next purchase will be the extra memory, as nothing else will work very well without it.

I’ll try to get away with using Garage Band and iMovie for as long as I can, but I’m sure I’ll want the better, more powerful software at some point soon.

And if you haven’t heard, it’s a good thing I didn’t order an iPOD yesterday morning. At lunchtime on Wednesday, Apple launched the new iPOD models at lower prices. You can now get the very top of the line iPOD photo, 60 gigs, with storage for 15,000 songs for abour £300, which is what the 40 gig iPOD was selling for 2 days ago. It’s become a bargain!

Still here? Thought I might of lost you all with all this bullshit talk about the things I want. Sorry, I’m like a kid at Christmas and you’re all Santa reading my over-the-top list.

I saw my doctor today. Don’t worry, my health is groovy, I just needed to get a prescription renewal. I also went to the supermarket and the high street.

It’s Mrs. H’s birthday this week and I had to pick up a couple of gifts for her. I’ve also got her tickets to a concert next month. It’s with her favourite band, or rather the lead guitarist and singer and some African orchestra. It’s at the end of March and I’m going too. It wouldn’t really be my first choice for live entertainment, but it’s the only thing she really said she wanted.

Ok, it’s Johnny Greenwood and Thom Yorke from Radiohead, which are not my favourite, not by a long shot. She’s very excited, so I really can’t complain, maybe it will be good. I’ll keep an open mind.

I’m back to work tomorrow night. My time off has been just too brief, I don’t really feel like I’ve even caught my breath. I didn’t even have a chance to shroom. There should be an opportunity to shroom next week, which would be good.

I haven’t had any shrooms since the night of my “shroom hell”. It’s time I got back on the bicycle. We’ll see how the week pans out.

I don’t really have much more to say. Just about everything I’ve done today has been really dull. I’m going to publish this, spark up a spliff and put my feet up, since I’ve managed to bore myself as well.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

What’s more shroomtastic than shrooming?
Virtual Online Shrooming! Sign for the big VOSS right now!


I’ve done it, kids. I ordered my new computer this very morning. I love new toys.

I went for the Apple iMAC G5 20”, with a 250gb hard drive, airport extreme, bluetooth, wireless keyboard and mouse. I also ordered a new ADSL modem, Airport Express (with Airtunes) and once the computer arrives, I’ll also order some additional RAM. I’ll get the RAM from another company, where it’s cheaper, but shhhhh, don’t tell Apple.

Naturally, spending my money wasn’t easy. It seems the more you wish to spend, the harder they make it for you. I thought I lived in a world where the consumer was king? Think again, hippy.

I logged into the Apple website via the NUJ, so I could get my 10% discount. I put the order together, filled in all my details, my address, credit card info, the works. Then I hit “complete the order”.

The website came back and said my credit card company declined the transaction. What the fuck? I’m solvent, I’ve even got a decent limit on that card.

I phoned Apple. The guy I spoke to was really helpful, he went through the order with me again, even suggested a couple of money saving changes and then he put the order through again.

My credit card company again declined it, but he was able to get more info than I was online. He said the bank wouldn’t authorise the order until I phoned them. This has to do with the large amount of the transaction and automated anti-fraud measures.

I phoned my bank, convinced them I was me and they removed the bar from my account. Mr. Apple Man phoned me back shortly after that and we consummated the deal.

My new computer should be arriving sometime in the middle of next week. I’m really looking forward to it. It’s going to be groovy. It’s going to be the centerpiece of my all new, all digital lifestyle.

Can you stand it, fuckers?

You might have noticed one item missing from my shopping list, the iPOD. I’ve decided to hold off on buying one, at least for the moment. My new phone, the wonderful Sony-Ericsson s700I has a built-in MP3 player, plus a slot for memory sticks, which can hold quite a bit. If I can figure out how to convert tracks to MP3 and bluetooth them to the phone, that might be the easiest musical solution.

I’ll give it a try, if it is not ideal, then I will buy myself an iPOD.

I reckon it will take some time to sort out the new computer, learn how to work it and get all my old files on to it from the PC. I also want to start ripping my CD collection on to it, so if I do get an iPOD, I’ll have a head start.

I’m such a consumer sometimes, but then shouldn’t I be? Isn’t consumerism the true religion of the masses? Don’t we all worship high-ticket electronic items sold at a discount price?

If I had more money, I’d buy even more crap! Who wouldn’t?

Mrs. H and I are tentatively planning a week’s holiday in April. I don’t know where we’re going yet, but it will be good to get away for a while. When the time comes, don’t worry, internet cafes are in my budget and I’ll be blogging from abroad at every available opportunity!

My drive home on Tuesday was just fine, thanks for asking. The snow didn’t really do much until overnight last night. When I woke up at the ungodly hour of 7am this morning, my little patch of north London was covered with a dusting of snow. It was a ghetto winter wonderland. The kids were using snowballs for skeet shooting, it was fun to watch those shotguns turn them back into powder!

The snow’s all but melted now and the sun is once again shining brightly and dazzling me a bit as I stare at my monitor. There’s loads I should be doing, but fuck it, it’s cold, it’s wet and I’d rather smoke spliff and watch TV all day.

The other blog continues to astound me. I’ve had a couple more people leave comments and my “core fan base” is extending every day. I can see that the same people come back again and again, reading all of it. Sitemeter knows all!

I had an entry written and all ready to go last night, but quite unusually my internet connection was fucked. My ADSL modem was connecting fine, but I couldn’t access anything. Pages wouldn’t load in my browser, I couldn’t use any program that accessed the net. Something was up with my provider.

Luckily, when I woke up this morning and checked, it was working fine. It must be, or you wouldn’t be reading this right now!

I had to re-jig the entry slightly, to make it seem like I wrote it this morning, and not last night before putting the post up. I’ve decided not to wrap the story up too quickly, I’m going to drag it out just a little bit longer. People are digging it, so why not? Maybe I’ll get paid by the word, like Dickens.

Here’s a statistic for you: I’ve provided nearly 500 individual page views on the other blog in this month alone. Wow!

Still no word from the literary agent, but I’m being patient. I might send my contact another email next week as a gentle reminder that it’s still around.

I still have a good feeling about it and I’m hoping something happens with it soon. This hippy needs more money for more toys and more holidays!

I hope you all are getting ready for the big VOSS, it’s only a few weeks away now. I’m anticipating a high turn-out, you wouldn’t want to disappoint this hippy, would you?

There’s a link at the top of this page that will tell you everything you need to know to be a part of the fun. You’ve got no excuse, be there or miss out on the most fun you’ve ever had online!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Wanna be a part of the big VOSS? Of course you do, click here for details!

The hardest part of being the northlondonhippy isn’t taking lots of drugs and having more fun than everyone else. No, it’s never remembering all the clever ideas you have for interesting things to write about.

I’m always thinking of fun stuff to share with my hippyfans, but usually I think of these things while I’m far away from my PC. I try to make little notes to myself, but that’s not always possible. Such was the case today, when I spent around 3 hours in bed, trying to get to sleep.

I went up around 11am and don’t think I finally found sweet slumber until 2:30pm. I was up at 7pm, so I’ve had just over 4 hours sleep. Not enough, not even close, I’m feeling quite tired.

My drive was unpleasant, thanks to the near-arctic conditions here in London. It was like a blizzard as I crossed the centre of town, with wind-blown, heavy snow falling at an alarming rate. The temperature has been hovering right around freezing, so at the moment, there’s no snow on the ground or roads, but another degree in the wrong direction and my drive home could be a bit slippery!

The problem with snow in London is that it’s rare, which means people aren’t use to it, especially drivers. It confuses them and makes them do really stupid things behind the wheel. There’s no such thing as tyre chains or snow tyres here either. It can be a mess.

But you didn’t come here for my weather and traffic updates, did you? No, you all come for the drugs, but you stay for my fantastic wit, humorous observations and intense sexual magnetism. Can you dig it, fuckers?

I’ve had time to reflect on the passing of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Tuesday’s UK newspapers, which for the most part I’ve read already, are filled with tributes and recollections from various people who knew him well. There’s a lot from Ralph Steadman, the artist who illustrated most of the good doctor’s books.

In the Independent, Steadman quotes Thompson, who once said “I would feel trapped in this life if I didn’t know I could commit suicide at any time.” You can read the entire article RIGHT HERE, if you are so inclined.

Now I can relate to that, I understand where the doc was coming from. There’s a certain power in knowing that you hold your own fate, in your own hands. What it has always meant to me, with my similar view, is that each day we carry on and endure is a choice. It’s a choice we’ve made, because we are aware the alternative really is an option.

I’ve always taken a twisted comfort in that knowledge and while it might seem at first to be quite a bleak view of life, in reality it is a very positive one. We all have the ultimate power of life and death over ourselves. It’s actually a very empowering statement.

Stick around a while, there could be even more fun to be had, just around the corner! But when the time comes, well, then it could be an option.

Let’s face it, old age ain’t for everyone. For every spry, active 80-year-old, there’re probably half a dozen oldies who don’t do very much. That’s the problem with living too long; the years at the end aren’t the best ones. For most people, they’re probably the worst. A little self-determination might not be a bad thing.

I’ve read various reports speculating on why HST topped himself, but more than likely we’ll never know. Maybe he didn’t even know himself. Perhaps all he knew was that it was the right time to go. I hope he was at peace with himself when he pulled the trigger.

Context, they say, is everything. HST captured the American spirit and the death of the “American dream”, but so did another recent dearly-departed writer, Arthur Miller.

I don’t think I mentioned Miller’s passing here in the blog, but he was also one of America’s greatest writers. “Death of a Salesman” is a classic and worthy of your valuable time. There’s a great version that was done for American cable tv years ago, with Dustin Hoffman in the lead. His “Willy Loman” would bring tears to your eyes. If you get chance, see it!

So that’s two great American authors gone in the last fortnight. Bad things happen in threes, so who’s going to be next? I’m sure we won’t have long to wait to find out.

Now, on to the trials and tribulations of consumerism. I tried to order my new mobile phone this morning, online from the provider’s own website. I spent ten minutes carefully typing in my details, credit card numbers, bank account info, address, all that shit. At the final screen, I clicked on the button that said “confirm your purchase” and low and behold, the website crashed.

It instructed me to telephone their sales team to complete my order. Instead, I phoned the sales team to make certain my order wasn’t processed. This company was selling me on a totally online experience, no paper bills, all admin done via their website. If the site crashes when you’re trying to spend the money to buy the phone, how dependable do you think it is? I’m not going to stick around to find out.

I’m now going to purchase the same phone, the incredibly sexy and desirable Sony-Ericcson S700i from yet another company. There’s no difference between thei online tariffs and high-street tariffs, so I can just walk into their shop and buy the goddamn thing.

Nothing is ever easy or simple here in the UK. They don’t really understand consumerism and the simple, yet well known American view that the “customer is always right”. Spending your hard earned cash is frequently an ordeal.

Like this morning, when I stopped off at my local supermarket. I like this particular shop because they have a big car park (for my little Yaris) and they are mostly open 24 hours. That’s a good thing when you keep weird hours. However, due to the archaic trading laws here in the UK, shops can only open for around 6 hours on Sundays.

That means on Mondays, the shop doesn’t re-open until 8am. Now, I arrived at this supermarket at around 7:50am. I wasn’t the only one, there were around 10 people, standing outside in the cold, waiting for them to open the doors.

Can you imagine it? Nearly a dozen people ready to part with their dosh and they won’t let us in the shop until 8am on the dot. It boggles the mind.

My next potential minefield in the world of consumerism is the new computer. I’m ordering it this week, probably on Wednesday. I’m hoping my shopping experience with Apple will be more satisfying.

I’ve been agonising over whether or not to purchase an iPOD. Oh, hippy, the problems you have!

Mainly, I don’t know which of the 7 different models to go for. I’m torn between the 1 gig iPOD shuffle, which holds around 240 songs or the 40 gig classic iPOD, which holds around 10,000 songs. I can get the shuffle for around 90 quid, thanks to my union discount, or the 40 gig’er for around 270 pounds. Basically, it’s around 40 times the storage for about 3 times the price. The decision should be easy.

The dilemma is a simple one, do I spend more money or less. Either device will be an improvement over my current mini-disc player, which only holds about 5 CD’s per disk, which is around 50 songs. I don’t know what to do. Anyone that wishes to offer me advice, please feel free to leave me a comment or even better send me an email!

Decisions only confuse me. It’s taken me around 6 months just to decide whether to go for a new PC or an iMAC. I’m normally not a ditherer, but its big money and I want to get it right. Same with the car purchase, it took me months to reach a decision, but when I finally decided what to buy, I got it quite quickly.

I’ll probably just damn the torpedoes and go for the 40 gig model. It’s only money!

Big-up to “narbomb”, who was kind enough to leave some nice comments in my guestbook. I’m always pleased to hear from any hippyfan and it’s always good to know that someone, somewhere is enjoying whatever it is I do here.

I’m not really sure myself what I do here most of the time, but we all sure do have a lot of fun doing it! The fun never stops!

If you dig the hippy, why not let me know. I don’t get enough praise, but then, who does? Better yet, tell a friend, then you can be hippyfans together. I’m the gift that keeps on giving, all year round!

Remember kids, I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for you! Yes, you, fucker!

And you wanna hear something funny…of course you do, that’s why you’re here! When I chose the date for the big VOSS, Saturday 19th March, it didn’t actually click that it was near a very significant date.

On Friday 18th March 2005, the northlondonhippy blog will be one year old. So if you didn’t have a good enough reason to join the big fuck-off VOSS, now you do! Drop by and help me celebrate my one year anniversary! And they say my attention span is limited! Fuck that, I’ve been doing this shit for nearly a year.

How about a yipppppeeeee for that? Go on, I haven’t asked for one in ages!

Monday, February 21, 2005

Stop press!

I’m back again kids, but for a reason. I’ve got some very sad news to share with you, which only just dropped on the news wires.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson is dead. He committed suicide tonight. He shot himself in the head. He was 67 years old and is survived by his son Juan and his wife.

You can read the wire report right HERE.

His most famous book, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” is one of my personal favourites and his writing has been a major influence on me and my life.

I first read that book as a teenager and it changed my life. His work was influential, he was influential. He took drugs, he told the truth and he lived his life exactly the way he wanted, and fuck anyone else who disagreed. He was a true original.

He was one of my heroes. Yes, I still have heroes, well, one less hero now. I’d always thought his presence could be felt in the spirit of this blog. I wouldn’t be the hippy if it wasn’t for him and I owe him a debt of gratitude and my personal thanks.

His writing is fantastic, if you haven’t read anything he’s written, shame on you, but it’s not too late. His work will live on for generations; I strongly recommend you check it out.

Sadly, I don’t have enough time to really do the good doctor justice now, but I’m sure I’ll write more when I have the chance. I had always hoped someday to meet him and share a spliff. I’ll never have the chance now.

Hunter, we loved you and you’ll be missed tremendously. The world is a much more bleak and dreary place for your passing. If there’s an afterlife, I hope they racked up the tequila and cocaine for you before you arrived!
Find respite from your otherwise bleak and dreary existences! Be part of the next big VOSS!

Ok, now I’m pissed off. I just wrote an entire entry and fucking Blogger just ate it. It’s gone, it disappeared, I’m not a happy hippy.

I was a happy hippy, but when I lose my important drivel, it makes me mad! I was in a good mood, now I’m not. I’ll try to recreate the magic as best I can, but with my brain, it might be a stretch.

Now its 4am, I’m at work. Most of you are probably sleeping, that’s what normal people do at night. But as we know, I’m anything but normal, here in my weird and twisted world, I’m awake and earning my crust!

I probably have more fun at work than most people have on their days off. I’m all about having fun!

It’s been reasonably busy for me, but I’ve managed to find a time gap to write this.

Here, this will entertain you. I overslept by nearly 2 hours tonight! It’s about the worst thing you can do to yourself on a nightshift, it’s very disorienting. I woke up at exactly the same time I normally depart for my office, so I was really lucky to make it on time. I didn’t have a chance to do much more than jump in the shower, get dressed and go! No time for a spliff, a cig or a coffee. It was a shitty start to my evening.

I did get a chance to push my little Yaris to its very limits though. I crossed London like a crazed Hollywood stunt driver. It’s only got a 1.0 litre engine, which doesn’t make it the peppiest car on the road, but I managed to get here in record time.

Time for an update on my second, secret blog. I’m getting 2 or 3 times the number of visitors there that I do here in the world of the hippy. It’s catching on.

And check out what another blogger wrote about it:

“This blog makes me sick- and laugh! This pathetic piece of shit excuse for a man loves to fuck around on his pregnant wife- and recently has discovered that she's not really at work overnight when she claims to be. He's distraught as hell at the possibility of his wife cheating on him. I hope she is. I hope that she is smarter than he gives her credit for, and that she has just decided that since her husband is an unfaithful piece of crap, she might as well do to him what he's done to her. Hell, I hope that she's pregnant with the other man's baby, because old "XXXXXX" is a swine.”

I’ve pulled it off, she really thinks it’s real! And she hates him. I’m very pleased, this is the best endorsement I could have hoped for! So far, no one has questioned whether or not he exists. How cool is that!

I’d written a lot more, but I’m running out of time, so you will have to wait for an update on my upcoming mobile phone and computer purchases. I’ll be ordering both this week. Sit tight and I’ll tell you all about it next time.

So if you think this entry is a bit short and lacking in my normal wit, humour and my devastating sexual appeal, please blame Blogger for swallowing my previous attempt. They give both my blogs a home, so I shouldn’t complain! At least it doesn’t happen very often.

Until next time, stay cool, stay high and stay away from my house!

Saturday, February 19, 2005

The next big VOSS is coming soon – click here for details!

I’m a early hippy, but an early hippy is always better than no hippy at all!

I’ve been awake for around an hour, it’s a bright sunny day. I’m squinting to see the computer screen, since the sun is shining into my lair and right into my eyes. Don’t be fooled by the clear, bright sky though, it means it’s particularly cold. And it’s going to get colder, they are threatening snow or some such nonsense in the next day or so. I hope it doesn’t hit fabulous north London, I’m not up for that shit, man.

My first hour awake has been spent in front of the PC, I’ve read all my UK papers already. I’ve still got a couple more news sites to check out, but I just read something in the Guardian which has inspired me to get blogging now.

The UK government is at it again, they’ve got my favourite drug, magic mushrooms in their sights yet again. The shitbags can’t leave well enough alone. Looky right HERE for the full article.

Once again, their approach to my fav funny fungus is confused and ill advised. With the law still contradictory, they don’t have a chance of their prosecutions going anywhere.

Perhaps that’s their point, to confuse the legal issue further so they can just change the laws without any questioning it. No one is talking about the effects of shrooms or their relative safety.

Well, actually, one guy in the article is, Dr Brian Iddon, an organic chemist who sits on the parliamentary committee checking out the new bill. He’s quoted in the Guardian article as saying, "As far as I know, magic mushrooms are a mild psychedelic - they do not cause people to jump out of windows. We need much more research before deciding whether or not we should outlaw them." He’s a voice of sanity working for the government, but will they listen to him? Will they, fuck!

The writing is on the wall, kids. The government is going piss all over our party, it’s only a matter of time. You can’t have fun, unless it’s the kind of fun the government man says is OK for you. It’s cool to sit in a pub and drink yourself senseless everyday, till your liver packs up and you croak. Matter of fact, that is such a good thing that the gov’t is fixing it so pubs have the possibility of selling you booze 24-hours a day. Your liver doesn’t stand a chance.

But if you enjoy a vegetable, a non-toxic fungus that makes you see some pretty colours, well fuck you and the horse you road in on.

I can chain-smoke tobacco till I’m blue in the face, and that’s OK too, but we all know smoking is really bad for you. Here, this is what it says on the pack of Marlboro Lights sitting on my desk in front of me: “Smoking seriously harms you and others around you”.

I can still buy them at any corner shop, petrol station, pub, supermarket, you name it.

Dear Home Office ministers and civil servants: I know there’s a chance you might stumble up on this blog, if you do, here’s a big hint! Make all drugs legal, tax them and let us decide for ourselves. Your way is not working, prohibition has been a failed experiment. It’s time to try things another, more practical way. It won’t be the end of society, but it might be a new beginning.

Look, I don’t want my car stereo stolen to feed someone’s crack habit. If crack was legal and sold for the same price it costs in the countries where it’s made, users would only need pennies per day to stay nice. Think of all the nice, decent people whose throats won’t need to be slit to steal their money. You’d be saying lives, voters lives. You know it makes sense.

And that ends yet another one of my “drug fueled rants”.

You might have noticed at the top of this page, a helpful link to the announcement for the next big VOSS. I told you I would get to it eventually!

To the uninitiated, VOSS stands for “virtual online shroom session” which we did for the first time a couple of months ago. That first one was greeted with universal acclaim, it really was a big success. This next one promises to be an even bigger event and I expect a great turn out from hippyfans around the world.

If you missed the link at the top of this page, don’t worry, here it is AGAIN.

You do need to pre-register for my MSN group, but that’s all the prep required. Oh and you’ll need some shrooms or other suitably mind altering substance. Booze works, remember it’s a drug too.

This VOSS might be taking on a whole new meaning if the government really does reclassify fresh shrooms. It could be the last legal one we ever have, so make extra-sure you don’t miss it.

I’ll be there all day, shroomed up, stoned and ready to party with you! Dig it, fuckers!

Tell me, oh my beloved hippyfans, have you ever spent nearly 2 hours exclusively reading this site? It’s ok, you can be honest, if not with me, than at least yourselves.

You haven’t, have you? That’s alright, I don’t blame you. With something like 300 posts on here, probably around 200,000 words, it’s a lot to take in during one surfing session, but I’m trying to make a different point right now.

My other blog, the super-secret second one, gets visitors who stay for an hour or two, reading 20 plus pages in one sitting. Sitemeter reveals all!

I’m still only getting people who stumble upon the other blog, but god do they get hooked. Very few people only read one page, especially right now, since I turned it all dark and depressing. I’ve only got 4 or 5 more chapters/entries to go before the story is finished. Then I’m just going to let it sit out there on the internet for people to discover.

Unless of course, I get a publishing deal. I’d still like to leave the blog out there in cyberspace, but if the publisher said “no deal” unless you take it off line, then I know exactly what I would do. It would be bye-bye blog in no time.

But not this blog, the hippy blog is up here for keeps! Even if I got a radio show or a weekly newspaper column, this blog stays right where it is. Once my hippy feature film (the northlondonhippy! Gimme a yippee!) is in production, well I’ll still blog from the set. I’ll blog till I drop!

I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for YOU!

Friday, February 18, 2005

The northlondonhippy is pleased to announce…

The next Virtual Online Shroom Session (VOSS)!

The place: TBA
The date: Saturday 19th March 2005
The time: 11:00-22:00 GMT/London time

(Here are times in other parts of the world
Beijing/Taipei: 19:00-05:00
Tokyo/Bangkok: 20:00-06:00
Sydney/Melbourne
Berlin/Paris: 12:00-23:00
New York, Washington DC, Boston, Atlanta: 06:00-17:00
Los Angeles/San Francisco: 03:00-14:00
- Click HERE to check for the time difference to your nearest city)

That’s right kids, on Saturday 19th March, you can join this hippy online for a day of virtual online shrooming! The last VOSS was a rollicking success, I expect this one will be even bigger and better!

I’m giving you plenty of notice this time, around an entire month. And I’m doing it on a Saturday, so you really have no excuses! Be there or beware!

It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, you can all be a part of the fun! All you need to join in the online shrooming extravaganza is a net connection and some fresh magic mushrooms. If you’re in the UK, you have no excuses, they’re still legal and easy to get!

If you don’t have a headshop near you and you can’t get to Camden or Portabello Markets, don’t worry, here are three different websites that will post them to you, which I can personally recommend!

EveryoneDoesIt.Com


RedEyeFrog.Com

Magicplants.Co.UK

They all ship via overnight post, but I’d make sure they come a day or two before the big VOSS, just to be safe. That’s my plan anyway!

They’ve got the hippy seal of approval, so you know they’ve got to be good!

If you’re not in the UK, don’t worry, they grow wild everywhere. Or maybe, you’ll know some helpful person who can hook you up with some. Look, I don’t care how you get ‘em, but you better get ‘em!

Ok, it doesn’t have to be shrooms, any mind-altering substance will be fine, including liquor if that’s all you can lay your hippyfan hands on! Just as long as no one is sober, everyone has to be buzzed on something! That’s really the only rule.

The VOSS was going to be hosted by our good friends at MSN, but since they hate my new 20" G5 iMAC, that's no longer an option.

Besides shrooms and a net connection, you’ll need to log-on to whatever new chatroom venue I find. I'll put the details up ASAP. I promise this event is open to anyone! You can all come to the VOSS, no one will be excluded (except members of the law enforcement industry, naturally).

On the day of the big VOSS, you'll just need to join my chatroom, where you will find me, shroomed up, stoned and ready to party virtually with you!

It will be just like I’m right there in the room with you, only with less of me touching you up, that comes in version two…mmmmmmmmmm.

We can virtually see those pretty colours together, it will be all your northlondonhippy dreams come true at once! Can you stand it, fuckers?

So there you have it, you know what to do next. Get registered, get ready, we’re gonna tear the entire internet to shreds! So come on hippyfans, let’s make it day we’ll never remember!

I hope to see you all there virtually for the big VOSS, don’t forget that date, it’s Saturday 19th March 2005!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Yo fuckers! Isn’t it about time I showed myself?

Well, here I am, are you ready to party?

Ok, so it’s not really a party, but at least I’m here. I’m puffing on a nice skunky spliff, having just completed the rather tedious task of organising the other blog.

I know, you are sick of hearing about it, but it had to be done. I saved each entry in Word and took a word count. I’m up to 20 chapters, nearly 48,000 words so far. I think 50,000 is about right for a reasonable length novel, so it’s looking good. I’ve only got a handful of chapters left to write and then it is finished. Yippppeeee for the hippy, he usually doesn’t finish anything!

I haven’t had any more news from the agent, but I’m still guardedly optimistic. Whether something comes of it or not, at least I will have finished it. You have no idea what a big deal that will be for me. Even if it only sits on the net, being read by serial wankers, I won’t care. It will be complete and that’s a milestone for this hippy.

I’ve even been thinking ahead and I’ve registered the name of the blog that will be the sequel, if I actually decide to do one. We’ll see.

What’s started out as a bit of a laugh has turned into my own blogged novel. Well fuck me rigid with a frozen halibut and call me an eskimo.

I spent this morning on a little hippy adventure, going to see my new accountant. The meeting itself was quite good, it sounds like he can save me loads of tax money from the period when I was freelance. He also may be able to do some financial voodoo with my writing and I can claim some of my expenses. Now that is very cool, I’m down with tax avoidance!

The real fun was my journey as I got badly lost for ages and ages. I’m about the worst navigator in the world, maps only confuse me. I even had directions printed out from one of those tricky internet map sites, but fuck me, if I wasn’t completely and utterly lost. It took me about an hour and half to go around 6 miles.

Laugh at me if you must, but when it comes to finding my way around, I’m useless. I don’t deny it, I don’t hide it, but what I need to do is compensate for it.

So here’s my plan, I’m going to buy the cheapest GPS system I can find. I’ve seen them in minicabs, they are PDA’s with add-on bits and extra software and they work really well. They display full-colour maps and a soft female voice speaks the directions out loud for you as well. Even an idiot like me couldn’t get lost. Having one would take the stress out of going everywhere!

I could even come visit you at your place. I’d lock your doors now. Better yet, move house!

When I came home, the fun continued. Besides writing a new entry in my secret blog (shut up about it hippy!), I spent a great deal of time dealing with a situation here inside my lair.

I’ve got a mouse or a rat, trapped in the extractor fan that sucks out the farty air from my downstairs loo. No, I am not tripping out, I’ve had no shrooms, and there really is a rodent stuck inside the fan.

At first, I couldn’t figure out what the weird scratching noise in my hallway was. Eventually I twigged it was a creature inside the fan. The fan is actually installed on the wall outside the toilet and I could hear tiny little claws scurrying about inside. Yuck.

After a while, I heard a screeching noise, the little bugger was so frustrated it was crying out. It sounded distressed and it started to upset me. I called my local council to see what they could do to help.

It turns out, fuck all. If you see droppings or evidence of an infestation, they can come and put poison traps down. With cats around, that’s not a good idea and I’ve seen no evidence, I’ve just heard the one rodent.

I know they don’t travel alone, but I’m sure this is the only one trapped inside my fan. The council wouldn’t come pull it out for me.

I thought about trying to free it myself, but I’m a pussy. I didn’t want to catch bubonic plague or anything. I’ve seen the film “Willard”, I know what rats can do!

So next stop was the yellow pages, I let my fingers do the walking. I called a couple of pest control companies that offered an emergency service. This certainly qualified as an emergency, since it did sound like it was very distressed and it couldn’t get out.

After a couple of calls, I found one outfit that said they could have someone here within the hour. Cost, 60 quid. Ok by me, a small price to pay to get rid of the rat.

The man arrived at the appointed time. We could still hear the mouse/rat scampering about inside the fan. He got some rather serious looking heavy leather gloves that stretched up his arms all the way to his elbows, we blocked off as many exits from the hallway as possible and prepared to take the cover off the fan.

He carefully unscrewed the lid, covered it with a bin liner and slowly pulled it off. Nothing jumped out. We checked the bin liner and the lid, again no rodent. He inspected inside the fan with a torch, again no sign of the visiting vermin.

He spent ten minutes poking around, inspecting, looking, checking and there was no sign of the mouse/rat. We stopped hearing him making noise as well, no scurrying, no squeaking, no nothing!

Eventually the guy gave up, he suggested the rodent was frozen with fear or had figured out a way to finally get away. Either way, there wasn’t much more he could. He couldn’t take the fan apart, you’d need an electrician to do that and he suggested that might be the next person to call, if the rat came back.

The coolest thing is he didn’t charge me for his time. Sensible since he didn’t catch the rat, but let’s face it, some people would have charged me anyway.

I thanked him for his time and off he went. Now, how long do you think it took from the time he left to the time I heard my rat friend again?

How’s five minutes sound to you? About right? Yep, 5 minutes. Fuckers!

So I think I’ve still got a mouse or a rat inside my extractor fan. If it really is trapped, it will eventually die, then the real fun can begin. Dead things don’t smell good, do they? Though dead things can’t run away and hide under your bed either.

I expect I’ll be phoning an electrician at some point soon. I’m not looking forward to it. Or I could just adopt it, throw some cheese in the fan and just consider it a new pet. Perhaps not.

So all in all, quite an unnecessarily stressful day. Sigh. Everyday can’t be paradise, no matter how hard I try!

How about some good news then! I’ve discovered another blog that’s got a link to me. The blog belongs to a hot-looking woman called Sugar, who lives in Arizona, USA. She’s got me down under her list of “blogs of note”, which I find quite flattering. She’s also a Howard Stern fan, so you know she must be very cool.

You can check her blog out right HERE. It has lots of pictures, including quite a few of Sugar, but sadly no nudes. It's about time I had some hot looking hippyfans!

I’m sure all my hippyfans are gorgeous, but if you feel the need to prove it, you can always email me your nude photos. If I have a wank to it, I promise not to talk about it here in the blog, it will be my little secret.

Ewww, icky!

And shhhhhh, I’ll let you in on a tiny, little secret. I think I’ve got the perfect date for the next big VOSS. How does Sunday the 6th of March grab you? I’m not ready to confirm it just yet and I might actually go for the following weekend, but it’s a thought. Once I pin it down, expect a full announcement with details on how you can join the fun from the comfort and relative safety of your own homes.

Look, man. I know I’m not putting in the time here, I know the other blog is distracting me from being the hippy. If it wasn’t for the other blog, we’d probably be having the big fuck-off VOSS today, but we’re not.

It doesn’t mean I don’t love each and every one of you, because you know, I do. Don’t you want the hippy to be rich and successful? Think about it, say I had, oh I don’t know, a few million quid in the bank. I’d have so much time to put into this blog, I could just sit here and spout “my special brand of drivel” for 12 hours a day or more, every day.

I could blog my thoughts in real time. Here’s a sample:

“My ass itches, I think I’ll scratch it. I just scratched my ass, it felt good. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Mmmm, I need a spliff. I’ll roll a spliff. I’m rolling a spliff now. Now I’m licking it. Good, it’s licked now. Now I’m lighting it. I’m inhaling now. I’m holding the smoke now. I’m blowing the smoke out my nose and mouth…..”

You get the idea. So you see, if I was wealthy, you could look forward to pages and pages of that sort of excitement! Can you stand it, fuckers?

Hey, how about a hippy mini-contest? The first hippyfan to email me with a workable solution to my rat problem can win the rat. Ok, not that rat, how about you get to share a spliff with me, in a park in central London on a sunny day in April? Now that’s a prize you can’t refuse.

So go on, give it a shot. Anything other than nuclear devices will be considered. And if it works, you could be chilling out this April in a central London park with me and one of my super skunky spliffs. It could be all of your northlondohippy dreams come true at once! All you need to do is tell me how to get rid of the rat.

Simply email me at northlondon@yahoo.co.uk and put “Rid the hippy of the rat contest” in the subject line. If there’s a winner, I’ll let you all know.

If this works, I can tell you right now who the loser will be: One very unlucky rat.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

There certainly are a lot more of you around here today, it was the first thing I noticed when I logged into sitemeter tonight. My hit counter went crazeeeeee!

A quick check revealed that a blog called loki23.blogspot.com included a link to yours truly and that what is responsible for a surge in visitors. Big-up to Loki and company, the blog appears to be written by a group of people. It's quite a slick looking page, I especially like the graphics.

I don't really understand what it was they were trying to say about me, but that's ok. I believe any publicity is good publicity, so I'm grateful, as always, for the attention.

At first I thought their site might be a spoof, as it seems like something from that new Channel 4 sitcom, "Nathan Barley", but it's for real. Give them a visit and see if you're hip enough to be down with what they're doing there. Best of luck to them!

And to all of you new visitors, I bid you a warm welcome to the weird and twisted world of the northlondonhippy! I hope I can bring some joy and happiness to your otherwise bleak and dreary lives!

You've managed to discover one of the great undiscovered (read: underground) blogs on the internet. It doesn't matter how you found me, just as long as you're here! You're now a card carrying member of the vanguard of the internet elite! Well done you for getting this far. Now that you're here, I'm sure you'll be a regular visitor.

Please bookmark me so you can come back again and again. Even better, grab the RSS/ATOM feed, that way you don't have to come to the hippy, you can make the hippy come to you!

Besides being the "most shroomtastic stoner on the internet", I'm also the "biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of". You'll certainly dig "my special brand of drivel". The name of the game around here is "fun" and we sure do have lots of it!

A good place to start for budding hippyfans, is THE "BEST" OF THE HIPPY, which is a collection of some of my favourite posts, all collated into one handy page. I haven't updated it in a while, so I'm sure there are a few more recent gems that I haven't included just yet. When I get around to it, I'll add some more links. I might even ditch the shitty Geocities page and move it properly to the blog. Wait, you'll see, I think it's a cunning plan!

And if you don't think you are a hippyfan, think again. If you come to this page twice, that's it, you've joined my legions of loyal hippyfans. There's nothing they won't do for me and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them, either! The love flows both ways around here!

I've done some wild and wacky things to promote this blog, in my own weird and twisted way. I tried to give away the old hippymobile, I've even recently hosted one lucky hippyfan for an afternoon of shrooms, spliffs and music videos at my lair in fabulous north London. You never know what might be around the corner, this hippy's crazeeeeee you know!

I got some excellent news today! My friend spoke to that literary agent and they are eager to hear from me! This is regarding my super-secret, second blog. I'll be contacting the agent tomorrow, so we'll see what they have to say about my prospects for a big phat payday.

I started that other blog as a bit of a joke, I was going to use it as a way to promote this blog, but it seems to have taken on a life of its own. If I do turn it into a money-spinner, I'll be more surprised than anyone else.

I'm keeping an open mind, but I'm not going to keep my hopes up. If there's one thing I know about the media, from spending most of my adult life whoring myself around it, is that disappointment lurks everywhere. Better to expect nothing, then you won't be tragically let down!

I'm planning on posting the big VOSS (virtual online shroom session) details in the next day or so. Keep watching out for instructions on how to join the fun. All you need to be a part of it is a net connection and a big dose of shrooms. Trust me, it will be just like I'm in the room with you, tripping out to the coolest music videos!

And I haven't forgotten about my threat to write another hippy-short-story. I'll get to it when I get the chance. The other blog is eating into my free time a bit, but it is at a crucial stage in the plot, so I do need to give it some extra attention. Whether I make any dosh out of it or not, I've still enjoyed writing it. I'm looking forward to finishing it in the next week or two.

The coolest thing is that most people who visit the 2nd blog, keep coming back. It seems like all of my visitors return again and again. I started his downfall last night, his world is about to come crashing down around him. Since that post went up, the hit counter has been zooming as I left it off on a cliffhanger. People are coming back to see what happens next, but I'll leave it a day or so, before making my next post. Timing is everything.

My offer still holds, if you want the address to the other blog, just email me. You know how to email, don't you? You just put your fingers on the keyboard and click send.

That was an obscure reference to the film, "To Have and Have Not", which starred Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall and a bit of whistling. Bet none of you youngsters got it! It's film noir at it's best and worthy of your valuable viewing time.

Oh, I did something bold today, I cancelled my mobile phone account! With big news like this, aren't you glad you're here? The excitement never ends!

I've been with the same company for around 7 years, but I finally got tired of their bullshit. I'll make a long story short: I'm due an upgrade from them, but they are not offering the phone I want (the very sexy Sony Ericcson S700i). They told me an independent high street retailer (ok, the Carphone Warehouse) could do me that phone, so like an asshole, I went up to my local shop to do the deal. Turns out, CPW is NOT doing that model on my network, so it was a wasted trip. Cue an angry phone call from this hippy to his mobile phone provider. Much arguing ensued and now the account is cancelled.

I looked around and 2 other networks are doing the phone that I want, so I'm going for that option. Screw my old company, they can suck my proverbial cock and lose out on my valuable business. I've got less than a month to score a new phone before my old number is disconnected, plenty of time!

Mainly, the new phone has a 1.3 megapixel camera which means this blog could start to include exciting photos from my everyday life! How cool would that be? Depends on what I take pictures of I guess. How about a shot of my reasonably priced, second hand economy car? Yawn. How about my cock? As long as there's a zoom lens, that could work.

I'm thinking that in a year from now, 3G might be worth considering, but for now, I'll stick to 2.5G and the S700i is sex on legs! I can't wait to get my grubby little mitts on one!

Well, I'm running out of steam, but what an exciting night this has been already! New hippyfans, potential publishing interest in my second, secret blog, and a new mobile phone on the horizon. Can you take the pace?

It's a shame really, that you can't all be the northlondonhippy, even for one day, but I've already been cast in the role. My life really is one long, non-stop rock'n'party! Now, if only I had some groupies!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Like, yo.

I'm still here, but only just. It's another dull night at work, where all the drama has been someone else's. I'm not complaining, let the stress belong to others, may the hippy remain cool eternally!

Sorry if you've come by to find out about the next big VOSS, but I've been focused on other matters, specifically the super-secret, second blog. It's been taking up a lot of my time this week, at the expense of this blog.

Don't worry, I'm still the same northlondonhippy you know, love and maybe lust after just a bit. Nothing will ever stop me from being the hippy, not ever! And the details for the big VOSS will be up sometime later this week, you've got my word on it!

The other blog has taken on a life of its own. For the last 2 weeks, it's been getting more hits than my hippyblog! Sex sells, kids and if there's one thing my other blog has oozing out of its pores, its sex. Graphic, sweaty, sticky, steamy, illicit sex!

The other blog also has a story, and I've just reached the climax, no pun intended. My main character, whose blog it is suppose to be, is not having a very good time of it. And it's only going to get worse for him. Ho hum.

I've enjoyed writing it; he's a lot different than me. I've written it all in the first person; I become the main character, as best I can, when writing it. I don't really like him, but I am in awe of his hubris.

As I think I've explained before, he created "his" blog to write about his numerous infidelities. He loves sleeping around behind his wife's back, but still professes his undying love for her. He doesn't see any problem in doing this, since it is "just sex" and he is not considering dumping his wife for any of his paramours.

He pulls women from the internet, telephone chatlines, supermarkets, work colleagues, he's even screwed one of his neighbours. He's not ashamed to pay for it either, he does hookers and escorts as well. He's relentless, more so than I ever was and that's saying something.

His wife is a nurse; she works mainly nightshifts, which gives him ample opportunity to accommodate his various lovers in his own home. But typical of his style, he uses the guest bedroom, not his marital bed. He loves to split hairs and make the sort of distinctions that in his mind, separate "good" and "bad".

I've always been fascinated by morality and questions of conscience. Not in a "what would Jesus do?" kind of way, but more along the lines of what would someone normal do? We make dozens of decisions daily which surely involve our individual moral compasses. Does your point to true north or do you swerve a bit south like my fictitious blogging friend?

I'm sorry to keep teasing you all with all this talk about my second, super-secret blog, but I promise when the time is right, I'll share it with you. I don't want to put a link in here that would connect the two blogs.

There are quite a few people out there in the world that think the other blog is real. I have some dedicated fans that read and re-read what I've written in there. I think it is so they can masturbate to it, but obviously I can't be sure.

Yes, as much as I like to think that the other blog is quite literary and well written, it's also good, solid, top-shelf, wank material.

I'll tell you what, my beloved hippyfans...if any of you are so desperate to read my other blog, just email me directly and I'll provide you with the URL. I'd be trusting that you won't tell anyone, but you're all hippyfans, so I know your word is good!

So there's my offer, if it is bugging you that I keep droning on about the other blog, go ahead and email the hippy. I'll reply with the URL of the other blog, I promise.

Don't know my email? It's still northlondonhippy@yahoo.co.uk

Otherwise, you can just be patient and wait for me to put the URL in here. I will eventually, but I don't know when yet. The choice, my friends, is yours!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Yo kids. I'm continuing to be lazy. I haven't written much at all this week. At least, not here.

I have been working on my super secret, second blog though. I'm planning posts for Monday and Tuesday, where the main character's life will take an unexpected turn. I'm planning on writing one of those postings tonight, while I'm at work.

That's where I am right now, my office. I'm here, not that busy but not bored yet. Ok, maybe a little bored, since I'm already logged in and blogged on.

I worry that I'm neglecting you all. I don't want to lose my hippyfans, so please be patient with me. Normal, daily hippy service will resume soon.

I visited my brother today briefly, which was cool. I drove down to his place in south London in my Yaris, which was also cool. I'm digging the car very much, I drove into work tonight as well. I'm glad I bought it.

The route I take to my brother's place takes me past the flat where a friend of mine used to live. This friend is the one that died a few months back, he had a heart attack and passed away suddenly. It was the first time I'd passed his place since he died. It made me think of him and it made me sad.

After seeing my brother, I waited for Mrs. H to come home from work. She was out early, which was cool, because it was so quiet for her as well. Once she was home, I spent a little time with her before hitting the sack for a short nap. It wasn't enough, but it was better than nothing.

I'm doing a different shift for the rest of the month, which means a much later start, over 2 hours later. That means more sleep and less traffic for me, which is a good thing.

I still haven't worked out the date for the next VOSS (virtual online shroom session), but I've already had at least one new person register for it! If you stumble upon the joining instructions from the last VOSS, please feel free. Otherwise, wait for the big announcement and I'll explain what you need to do to be a part of the fun!

Remember, you can be a part of the VOSS from anywhere, all you need is a net connection and some shrooms. It will be just like I'm in the room with you, only with less of me touching you up - that comes in version 2.0.

I expect a high participation for the next VOSS and I'll do my best to make sure it happens on a weekend, to maximise everyone's chances of playing along. Not everyone works my sort of bizarre schedule (or non-schedule) and they live that Monday-Friday lifestyle.

Not me! I hate that shit and love the fact that I work odd hours, and odd times!

Well, Monday is Valentines Day, I sure hope you all bought your special someone something nice and I don't mean a Rampant Rabbit vibrator either! I've got a couple of things for Mrs. Hippy and I'm going to pick up so fresh flowers on the way home in the morning. Geez, I hope she doesn't ready the blog tonight, or there goes the surprise!

And Valentines Day holds a special significance in my other blog. The beginning of the end for our hero is pegged to the day Cupid does his stuff. I've actually written around 17 posts, which are around the same length as chapters. Four or five more "chapters" and his story will be finished. Goody, goody, gumdrops! Now all I need is that phat publishing deal.

I'm sure you're all bored by me going on about this secret, fictional blog, but don't worry, when the time is right, I'll let you all in on the secret!

And that's about it for me, my nicotine gland is twitching, which means I need to step outside for a cigarette. I'll be back when I can with more exciting news from the weird and twisted world of the northlondonhippy just as soon as I can. Until then, stay cool, stay mellow and enjoy life as much as you can!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

I’m a lazy fucker, but I have my excuses.

I’m getting old, I smoke a lot of dope, I work too much, blah, blah. That doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t been giving this blog the proper due care and attention it requires. Worst of all, I’ve been neglecting my hippyfans!

Though you all have been neglecting me as well, my hit counter has barely moved this week. Maybe more of you use the RSS/ATOM feed than I thought and you wait for me to bring you something new. You’re the clever clogs, aren’t you?

Well, here I am. Break out the champagne and hookers!

I’ve actually been a bit distracted this week, by the other blog. I’ve let a few people read my second, secret blog and they have all liked it very much. One work colleague is going to recommend it to his literary agent for possible publication.

I think I might not have pulled off the prank of the century, but instead I might have ended up with something that has a market value. Imagine that?

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but obviously the idea of selling something I’ve written appeals to me very much. My colleague reckons it will sell, it’s just a question of how much I get. Wow. He edits manuscripts and is published himself, so he knows what he is talking about, I think. I hope.

I’m still not going to share the URL with you, I don’t want to connect it with this blog just yet. I’ve tried to promote it a little this week, but without much success though it remains early days.
The reactions from my friends makes me think that once it is discovered, it will take off. I’m still not getting that many hits on it, but those who come almost always read more than one page and many come back, repeatedly.

I’m planning on writing an entry on the other blog right after I finish this one. I’ve decided that this is the weekend the main character’s life begins to unravel. By the end of the story, he will have nothing.

The reason I’m blogging so late is that I spent the afternoon shrooming with my contest winner! Even though I worked last night, I went for it and she was here and shroomed up with me by noon.

I took around 45grams of those P’pines p.cubes, the lucky winner took 30 grams. Once we ate them, we sat back on the sofa in front of the tv, lit a spliff and waited for them to kick in.

The winner was a bit shy and withdrawn at first, but soon relaxed thanks to my reassuring presence. I’m a joy to hang out with you know. Maybe the weed helped too.

After about an hour or so, I could feel the shrooms taking hold. The visuals began, but thankfully they weren’t anything like ones I had last Saturday. Dosage with shrooms (and all drugs) is everything.

My young friend also felt the effects. Soon we were laughing the sort of crazy laughter you get when you take shrooms and find everything hysterically funny.

Once the giggle period passed, we settled down on the sofa, smoked lots more spliffs and flipped around the music channels. I’m still digging The Killers “Somebody told me” and of course, Green Day.

The contest winner’s tastes were slightly more urban than mine, so we put MTV Base on for a while. I’m down with the Snoop Dogg stuff with Pharell, no wonder it’s sold so well, it’s damn good.

All in all, we partied together for around 6 hours, before she jumped in a mini-cab and went home. I’m sure it’s an experience she’ll never forget.

She didn’t ask for my autograph, she refused to join me in the naked dancing behind the net curtains and there was no touching-up in either direction. Oh well, you can’t have everything.

She was very nice, if a bit shy and quiet. I guess I can be a bit much to take, especially shroomed up. I hope I’m not as bad as my online megalomania might lead you to believe, but anything is possible.

I had a short nap after she left, which is why I'm so wide awake now. It's midnight, hippy standard time.

I’ll run another "shroom with the hippy contest" again, I’m sure many of you were very disappointed that you didn’t win. There will be more chances to shroom with the “most shroomtastic stoner” on the internet. I just wish I could clone myself so that each and every one of you could shroom with me everyday in the privacy of your own home.

But for now, you’re just going to have to wait for the next big VOSS (virtual online shroom session), which I’m hoping to do in the next few weeks. The last one was very successful, I expect the next one to be even bigger and better.

All you need to join in the fun is some shrooms and a net connection, then you can virtually shroom with me. It will be just like I’m in the room with you. Wait till you hear about the new features coming in version two!

Expect the announcement of the date in the next few days, then you can start your preparations. I’ll include full instructions on what you need to do to be a part of the fun. Watch out it!

Also, I think I might treat you all to another northlondonhippy short story experiment. I’m thinking weird and twisted science fiction this time. Well, whatever I write, I’m sure it will have a “weird and twisted” something since that is my specialty.

I won’t promise when I’ll do it, since disappointment can be best avoided that way, but when I have a chance, I’ve got a tiny idea I want to explore. It’s about the future of genetic engineering. Dig it, fuckers!

Well, I’ve spouted enough of “my special brand of drivel” for now, that ought to be enough to hold on to you fuckers till next time. You know you love it!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Just a quick one kids, I didn’t want you to think I’d fallen off the planet. Don’t worry, gravity still has me in its grip, I just wanted to take a little break from being the hippy.

You know, “living that hippy life, so you don’t have to”, comes with a cost. Sometimes that cost is high, as you could see from my experience on Saturday night. I wanted to leave that post on the top of the blog for a couple of days as well, to make sure everyone got to read it.

Naturally, I’ve had very few visitors in the last few days, so that plan didn’t work out either! So it goes. If you haven't read it, just keep scrolling down once you finish reading this one.

I’m feeling pretty good actually, though I do keep thinking about my “shroom hell” on Saturday night. I think what bothers me about it is that I let it happen. I’m surprised with myself, though part of me thinks, somewhere in the deeper recesses of my subconscious, I wanted it to happen. Now, that would be freaky.

I also wish I could have been able to relax into it more and experience it more fully. My problem was simple, once I realised how deep I was going, I tried to fight it, which only made it worse. Had I been able to calmly surrender to it, I would have enjoyed it that much more. But again, we are back to preparation and expectation. Had I been prepared, with the expectation of reaching level 5, I would have had a completely different experience.

I’m not in a rush to repeat it and will be much more careful the next time.

I’ve neglected my other blog a bit in the last week, which is quick naughty of me, especially when I’m on the point of it taking a nasty turn. I think I’m about ready to launch my clever promotional trick on it this week as the story has reached the point I need it to for the real attention to start coming.

No, you still can’t have the URL yet, not until it’s been mentioned in the mainstream media and I’m overrun with visitors. Sorry, but I want this to work. And you don’t know how much my big mouth wants to shoot off about this one, to everyone I know, but for my cunning plan to work, I need to keep it a secret for a while longer.

My other blog actually got it’s first fan email, from one of the regular readers. Here’s a short excerpt:

“Hi there, I'm a regular reader of your posts and find them very instructive. I
truly believe that you have a flair for writing. You can keep a reader
engaged even if the posts get long. My situation is similar to yours.
I cannot wait to start punting.”

There was more to it, but that’s the bit where he compliments me and naturally the section I want to share with you.

Have I piqued your curiosity? Is it driving you mad? Are you dying to read it? Well, it’s not for the easily offended, as it contains many graphic descriptions of sexual activities. Especially the entry I wrote today, woooo, boy, it’s just like hardcore porn.

But that’s the key, see, the graphic nature of the details. As you can see from my fan email, I’ve written a convincing, yet totally fictitious blog. People will love it, people will hate it, but they will be reading it and talking about it!

And then, once I have their attention, I’ll reveal it all to be a sham, with none other than the northlondonhippy cast as perpetrator, author and genius behind the blog.

Ok, maybe not genius, but I am the only one responsible.

The main character his completely reprehensible, yet in his mind, he isn’t doing anything wrong. He says he loves his wife and yet he sleeps with other women as often as possible and doesn’t have a problem rectifying these two distinctly different ideals. He’s confident he’ll never get caught and you know what, he never does, but his downfall is coming and when it does, it will surprise everyone, but especially him.

I’m telling you way too much about it, but that’s only because I’m excited because it is working. Very soon, all will be revealed!

And I have to apologise to you all for something else, I haven’t had the chance to organise the next VOSS (virtual online shroom session). I haven’t forgotten and I will be picking a suitable date and making the announcement very soon.

Remember to join in on a VOSS, all you need is a net connection and some shrooms. It doesn’t matter where you are, because it will be just like I’m right there in the room with you. Only with less of me touching you up, that comes in version two. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And I’ve rescheduled with my contest winner. She had to cancel last Saturday at the last minute, which is why I ended up in my “shroom hell”, not that I’m blaming her at all! She’s coming here this Saturday lunchtime for that oft-mentioned afternoon of shrooms, spliffs, soft drinks and the coolest music videos. We’ll be on the ones from the Philippines, not the Hawaiians this time!

Anyway, I’m back to work tonight for the first of 2, come Friday morning, I’m finished and it’s party time, hippy stylie! Well, at least until Sunday, when I’m back for 3 more. Until next time my beloved hippyfans, stay cool, stay groovy and don’t ever take 33 grams of fresh Hawaiians!

Monday, February 07, 2005

What do we know about hippies and plans? Well, we know that this hippy and anything pre-arranged never seems to work out. Sometimes are worse than others. Welcome to my Saturday.

For starters, the contest winner had to cancel. Don’t worry, we will reschedule sometime soon, possibly even this coming Saturday. I don’t ever want to let a hippyfan down! I should be ready to shroom again by then.

Why wouldn’t I be ready? Well, this is where my weekend turns weird. I had my first “out of control” experience with magic mushrooms.

Let this be a cautionary tale to all your shroomers out there! If it can happen to this hippy, it can happen to anyone!

Once the contest winner cancelled on Saturday, I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself, I had the entire day planned around their visit. Being me, there was only one thing to do, take some shrooms anyway.

I decided to enjoy them in the evening. I agonized all day over what time to take them, finally electing for a 5:30pm start, thinking I might come down and be hungry by around 11pm, which made a pizza delivery possible. Even this simple plan was too much for me.

I decided to take the Hawaiians I still had, since they were going to go off soon anyway and I didn’t want to waste them. The first time I tried them, a week or so ago, I did about 17grams of them and had a light trip. This time, I nearly doubled the dosage to 33grams, thinking it would be ok.

Now, here’s the thing: In my experience, the recommended doses for different strains tend to be quite low. I’ve seen Colombians being touted as producing a strong trip with 15 or 20 grams and in my experience at least 40 for were required to get anywhere. Hawaiians (or Copelandia Cyanenscens to use their proper name) were meant to be strong at 10grams. Since I had already discovered that was not the case, I thought I was safe to increase the dose.

Boy, was I wrong!

Magic mushroom trips are described on a scale of intensity, consisting of 5 levels. The shroomery.org has an EXCELLENT EXPLANATION of these different levels, which you can check out for yourself. Go on, it’s not that long, you can have a quick read and come right back.

I’m trusting you that you went and read that page!

Normally, I aim for level 3 or maybe 3 and a ½, nothing more than that. I’ve never tried to reach level 5, never planned it, never expected it. But guess what fuckers? That’s exactly where I ended up.

If I may be so bold as to cut and paste directly from the shroomery.org: “Total loss of visual connection with reality. The senses cease to function in the normal way…. Merging with space, other objects, or the universe. The loss of reality becomes so severe that it defies explanation….This level is different in that the actual universe within which things are normally perceived, ceases to exist!”

Shit yeah, fuckers. This hippy didn’t know what hit him!

I’ll try to describe what happened as best I can, but a good deal of it is a bit of a blur. What I did was not terribly smart, clever or recommended. Don’t try this at home! Please!

So as I said at 5:30pm, I ingested over 30 grams of fresh Hawaiians, thinking this would provide me with a moderate trip. I then sat at the PC, surfing, waiting for the come-up. After about an hour, I noticed all the usual signals that things were proceeding as planned, a slight buzz in my head and a little queasiness in my belly were the first indications.

After about 90 minutes, the computer and I were not getting along. I’ve written about this before, how the keyboard stops doing what I want it to do. So do my fingers. Again, this is not abnormal and is a sign that the trip is coming along nicely.

I gave up on the computer and settled down in front of the television. I had some music video channel on, I do not recall which one. The buzz in my head was becoming increasingly distracting and I was having trouble focussing on the videos. My attention span seemed to be waning and I was starting to feel slightly agitated. I lit a nice spliff to try to ease the anxiety and relax.

It was at this point that it dawned on me that I might have taken too much. Well, more than I would have wanted to do, had I known the effects would be so strong. I tried to stay calm and reassure myself that everything was all right. Everything was all right, I was just on a heavy dose of shrooms.

My vision started to become distorted and angular. Things didn’t appear as they should. I was starting to panic a bit now, because the effects were getting stronger and more intense than anything I’d every experienced on shrooms. It was even more intense than the couple of times I’ve had LSD.

I knew I hadn’t even peaked yet, there was still more fun to come. I tried to throw up, but at this point, 2 hours after eating them on an empty stomach, there was nothing to bring up. The dry heaving only made me feel more anxious.

I started pacing around my house, up the stairs, down the stairs, in the kitchen, the living room, back up the stairs again. I didn’t feel comfortable anywhere. I tried lying on the sofa, but that didn’t work. I tried lying in bed, but it didn’t feel right either. I tried it with the lights on, with the lights off, my clothing on, my clothing off, I couldn’t relax and get comfortable.

I knew the best thing I could do was try to fall asleep, but with all that psilocybin rushing around my brain, that was impossible. It was like I could feel all my synapses, individually firing faster than they were meant to do. Too much information was flowing too quickly through my head.

At this point, the visual disconnection peaked. What I was seeing was not coming from my eyes, through my optic nerve and into my brain. What I perceived visually was a product of my brain.

I couldn’t see properly, I remember being in the bathroom and it was like the room split into a geometric design, which I found somewhat distressing, but I was aware it was the drugs.

I went back into the bedroom and lay down, I was overwhelmed by what was going on. With the lights on or off, my eyes open or closed, all I could see was a geometric pattern of three-dimensional, brightly coloured blobs, encompassing my entire view and stretching to infinity. And beyond.

Yikes. It was like this visual pattern was flowing over me, like waves cresting on the edge of the ocean. I tried to relax and enjoy it, experience it for all it was worth, but the anxiety was still running high.

Throughout this entire experience, I never lost the awareness that it was being caused by the substance I had taken. I didn’t lose sight of this for one instant. And I kept reassuring myself that everything was going to be OK, and in time the effects would subside.

I got a valium and took it, thinking that in about 30 minutes, it might take some of the edge off what I was feeling. I lay back in bed and surrendered myself to the mushrooms. I couldn’t fight it, it was just too strong. I’m not sure of the time, as I couldn’t make sense out of the clock, but I’m guessing it was around 8pm.

I stayed in bed until around 11pm, so three hours in total. I don’t think I fell asleep at all, though I might have been in some sort of hallucinatory trance. I know I was lost in thought, that I was conscious, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing that went through my mind.

I finally decided to get out of bed, it was just after 11pm. I went downstairs and gradually started feeling like myself again. I had another spliff.

I was tired, but my perceptions were returning to normal. I was still seeing things about weirdly, but it was all very manageable. I had time to think about what had happened.

I didn’t plan on a trip of this intensity, consequentially I wasn’t prepared for the effects to be so strong. It would have been one thing had I elected to reach a level 5 state, but I didn’t, it was totally unintentional.

Yes, it was stupid, I was stupid, I underestimated the effects of the dose. I didn’t pay proper respect to the potency of this particular strain of shroom. I didn’t follow my own advice, which is to increase the dosage gradually. I thought I knew what I was doing, but clearly copelandia is much different from my usual p.cubes. I won’t be making that mistake again.

I don’t regret the experience, I often wondered what a “heroic” dose is like, now I know. I’m sorry I didn’t make more of the experience, but the anxiety and sheer panic of knowing I took too much prevented me from really enjoying it.

It was scary, but had I been prepared, it might have been a journey of self-discovery, which could have taught me something valuable. Well, it was a voyage of self-discovery in a fashion, but I could have maximized its potential more.

It was the sort of trip that shaman prepared for years to experience. I sprung it on myself as a surprise. At least I don’t think I damaged my brain, though I do feel a little happier, so who knows?

It hasn’t put me off shrooming, but it has made me more aware of the need to be sensible and careful. I handled it well, I didn’t freak out, call an ambulance or wander the streets naked. I stayed cool, as calm as I could and rode it out. I survived and feel much stronger for it.

The really worrying thing is that I probably would have taken the same dosage if the contest winner were here. I don’t think I would have given her quite as much, but it wouldn’t have mattered. I would have been fucked in the head with a stranger here that was nearly as fucked. It could have ended really badly.

When I do shroom with the contest winner, we’ll stick to sensible amounts of p.cubes. I like to be in control when I trip and on Saturday I was anything but…

Anyway, sorry for the delay in posting this, as you can tell it’s been an eventful 24 hours in the life of this one crazeeeee hippy in north London. Being the “most shroomtastic stoner on the internet” does come with cost. But hey, “I’m living that hippy life, so you don’t have to!”

Saturday, February 05, 2005

I don't have that much time, the lucky contest winner will be arriving soon. I've spoken to her already today and she's just going to jump into a mini-cab and come to my lair in a little while.

The shrooms are ready, the spliffs are rolled, the laserpod has got fresh batteries and SKY+ is already tuned to "Q", the music video channel. I'm ready to party!

As soon as she arrives, we'll get the shrooms down us, then chill out with a spliff or two while we wait for them to come-up. From there, well, anything can happen, though I expect we'll just get lost in some very cool music videos.

Don't feel bad if you didn't win, this hippy wishes he could have invited each and every one of you to my lair for an afternoon of shrooming, but sadly I could only choose one lucky winner. Perhaps I'll run this contest again in the future. Anything can happen.

But don't worry, because the VOSS (Virtual Online Shroom Session) will be happening in a few weeks. Keep an eye on my blog for the announcement, plus details on how you can join in the fun. The last session was a rockin' success, I'm sure the next one will be even better.

Remember that it doesn't matter where in the world you are, as long as you can get some shrooms (or other suitably intoxicating substance) and you have a net connection, you can play along from home. It'll be just like I'm in the room with you, only I won't be able to touch you up. That comes in version 2.0. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Anyway, I've got to ready for the big shroom session today. I'm really looking forward to chilling out with the lucky winner. She'll be here very soon, but I'll be back when I can to tell you all about it! Hope you're having just as much fun as I am today!

Friday, February 04, 2005

The hippy's here, the hippy's here.

Where else would I be? This is my blog, after all. It's not like I can just hang out on anyone's webpage. How would that work? How do I invade other webpages? I don't think I can so I'll just stick around here.

I've heard back from my contest winner, she emailed me to accept the prize, an afternoon of shrooming with me. She'll be coming to my place tomorrow afternoon and we'll be enjoying some shrooms, spliff and the coolest music videos. I'm psyched and I think she is too! Dig it, fuckers!

And before you start thinking there might be some sort of hanky-panky going on, I can assure you from the start that this will not happen. I'm well behaved and she won't be tempted. Remember that I'm old, short, fat and bald. I'm hardly a sex symbol.

Then again, different strokes for different folks, I'm sure to some people out there, I am an object of lust and desire. Luckily my contest winning friend is normal, sane and not at risk stalking me.

Mrs. Hippy's away this weekend, visiting some relatives, but she trusts me. She knows that I know my testicles are worth more than 45 seconds of pleasure with another woman. Enough said.

I've had quite a dull day. I gave the living room and kitchen a good clean. Tomorrow, I'm doing the bathrooms.

Don't envy me for my glamorous media lifestyle, envy me because my toilets will be sparkling!

I'm very tempted to take some shrooms tonight, but am resisting that temptation. I've still got the kratom caps as well. Decisions, decisions.

Oh fucking hell, my neighbour across the street as a burglar alarm, which has been going off for about 20 minutes now. It's fucking loud and annoying and might drive me even more insane. If you can do something to make it stop, get to north London right away. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This could go on for hours. Once it continued for an entire weekend. I was tempted to break in and steal their tv just for fucking spite. The cops even came (on day 2), knocked on the door, spoke into their radios, and then just departed, with the alarm still blaring. Obviously no one was home.

It will be a real treat for my contest winner, if it is still going on when she arrives.

Rather than take drugs, I might just go for a take-away. Some beef satay from my favourite Malaysian place would be lovely right about now. Oh I wish I could do it all, the shrooms, the kratom and the take-away, but sadly I can only choose one of these things. What’s a poor hippy to do?

Thursday, February 03, 2005

As Tom Petty once said, “The waiting is the hardest part.”

Well, the wait is over, I’ve been through every entry more than once and after some very careful consideration, I’ve chosen the winner of the “shroom with the hippy” contest.

It wasn’t easy, several of you hippyfans really wanted to scoop this prize. I wish I could shroom with each and every one of you this Saturday, but sadly its only possible for me to party with one lucky winner.

I’ve emailed the winner and am awaiting their reply. I’m sure they will be overcome with excitement and pure joy when they receive my personal invitation, confirming their status as the winner. Since I haven’t heard back from the winner just yet, to confirm their participation on Saturday, I won’t be revealing their name right now.

What I can tell you is that the lucky winner is a 23-year-old student nurse, based not too far from my lair in north London. She’s done shrooms a couple of times; her first experience was at Glastonbury last summer. She told me her friends are not into shrooms, so she doesn’t get the chance to enjoy them very often, so this will be a treat for her. She discovered my blog a few months ago and says she was hooked right away. She’s my kind of hippyfan!

How many other bloggers are willing to open their homes and share their shrooms with a fan? I am the coolest blogger in the world! They don’t call me the most “shroomtastic stoner on the internet” for nothing, you know! I can’t remain the “biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of” for much longer, can I? My brand of weird is on the up!

Don’t worry if you didn’t win, sometime next week I’ll be announcing the date of the next “virtual online shroom session.” Virtual online shrooming is open to anyone, regardless of where you are. As long as you have a net connection and some shrooms, you can play along from home as well!

The next “VOSS” (Virtual Online Shroom Session) will be even bigger and better than last time. It will be just like I’m in the room with you, we’ll be seeing those pretty colours together. Trust me, you don’t want to miss out on this exciting live online event. I’ll be giving everyone plenty of notice, so you can take the day off from work if you need to. And they’ll be no excuses, you get some shrooms, you join me online and you have the motherfucking time of your motherfucking lives! Dammit, fuckers!

I met my brother for lunch today, in central London. We went to a bar/diner that specialises in quality burgers, fries and shakes. It was all kinds of good!

It was good to see my brother as well, I hadn’t seen him since last summer, which is fucked, but there you go. It’s the first time I’d seen him since our father died, but we really didn’t talk about it that much.

On our way back to the tube, we saw some crazy guy, who scaled the scaffolding of a building near Oxford Circus, threatening to jump. We knew to look up because everyone else was already looking up. He seemed quite distressed and was having a proper freak out. There were cops and ambulances already there, but no “hook and ladder” fire truck to rescue him.

My brother and I didn't stay to watch the show, since these people rarely jump and it just would have dragged on for ages. If I was more entrepreneurial, I might have taken some commemorative photos or sold tee-shirts or something. To the hicks and tourists, this was a big event. But to some jaded old city cunt like myself, it was nothing special.

I didn’t go anywhere in the Yaris today, it’s still parked right outside my house, where I can see it. It’s rare to get a spot that close to my place, so I think I want to hang on to it as long as I can!

Mrs. H is off to see her family this weekend, so it’ll be shrooms-a-plenty for me. I’m tempted to dose myself on Friday and Saturday, but something tells me I should hold off until my lucky contest winner is here. I’ll decide tomorrow night, perhaps I should finally try that kratom I have on Friday night instead. Oh, decisions, decisions, my life is so complex.

Sorry, I got distracted in the middle of all this. I’m due a freebie handset upgrade from my mobile phone company, I get one just about every year this time. My last 3 were Sony Ericssons, and I think my next one will be from the same company. I’ve currently got the T630, which is a great phone, but I’m looking at the very sexy S700i, which seems like a fine piece of kit. It’s got a 1.3 megapixel camera as well as all the usual bells and whistles I’ve gotten used to, like Bluetooth, GPRS and WAP.

I love technology!

The catch of course is that my mobile phone provided is not offering this model at the moment. They suggested I try one of the big chain store companies, a warehouse of sorts, which can do this handset for me. It’s all gotten complicated and now requires a trip to my local high street. But hey, it’s for a free phone that retails on the Sony website for 375 quid, which is about 750 US dollars. I suppose that’s worthy of a ten-minute walk!

I’ll head up there tomorrow and see what I can do. If I’ve clever and early, I might be able to get it all sorted in one-go. Now that would be cool!

I don’t have much more to say, though I guess that’s enough of an update on my weird and twisted life for one day! Enjoy!

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