- Name: northlondonhippy
- Visit the hippy's brand new site!
Contact the hippy
VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!
Friday, April 29, 2005
Hey fuckers. I’m back and I’m all yours!
I wrapped up my other blog this week, on Wednesday I posted my final entry. I was sad to see it go, but I’m pleased to report that effectively I’ve completed my first novel. I couldn’t have done it without Blogger and I’m not joking.
Now that it’s done, I’m going to try to do something with it, sell it as a book or an idea for a tv series. Mainly I want to turn it into some dosh and I don’t mind how!
I know I promised to reveal the URL, but for lots of reasons, I’m not going to. If any of you supercool hippyfans want to read it that badly, you can always email me and I’ll point you in the right direction, but you’ve got to say “please”.
I tried a new substance this week, another one of those legal highs. It’s called Nymphaea Caerulea or Blue Lotus. Check out that link!
I made a strong cup of tea from it as well as a big fat spliff. I found it very calming, relaxing and mild. I might even get some more. It was very pleasant.
I also ordered some more shrooms this week, a big fat load of Colombians. Dunno when I’ll get to enjoy them, but the sooner the better please.
I’m at work right now and I’ve got 2 hours to go. Plus 3 more nights in this run, yawn, I won’t be finished until Monday morning. After that, I’m off for around a week and a ½. Yippeeee to that!
I picked up a copy of Final Cut Express HD this week. It’s Apple’s superneat-o cool video editing program and damn it’s confusing. It’s already making my tiny brain spin! I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon.
Sorry if this entry is a bit brief and unfocussed. I meant to write something earlier when I had more time, but you know what happens to hippys who make plans!
Mainly I want to assure you all that normal hippy service will now resume! Dig it, fuckers!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
If this blog gets any deader I’m going to have to put it on fucking ice.
I’d apologise for the lack of attention, but you know it would be insincere. I write when I can and when I can’t, well, what can I say. At least you’re missing me...
You are missing me aren’t you? I’m still your favourite north London based hippy, aren’t I? You still love me and maybe lust after me a little bit, don’t you?
Of course you do! And why wouldn’t you. I’m the blogger you all wish you could be. I’m high all the time and I’m having more fun than you. I have more fun than everyone!
Mrs. H is still not so well. I took her to the doctor today and he said she has bronchitis which is a real bummer and a half. It’s never fun being ill.
I’m seeing my brother tomorrow for lunch in town, then I’m stopping buy the Apple store to spend some hard earned cash. That is, as long as they have what I want in stock and I expect they will.
Tiger comes out on Friday. That’s the latest version of OS X with all sorts of fancy new features and improvements. I don’t know when I’ll pick up a copy of that, but I won’t leave it too long.
I’m wrapping up my other blog this week. I’m planning on posting the last-ever entry on Wednesday. In some ways I’m sad to see it end, but in other ways, its been a bit like a millstone around my neck, weighing me down.
I had planned on finishing over a month ago, but dragged it out a bit because of all the potential press attention, which in the end amounted to nothing. Oh well. It was still lots of fun and it’s been read by a lot of people.
In about six months, I might bring the character back for a sequel. We’ll see how I feel at the time.
My next project won’t be a blog, but a proper, traditional novel. I’m going back to something I’ve worked on (and off) for ages. I’ve got it all in my head, I just need to write it, if you know what I mean and I bet you do, because all hippyfans have high IQ’s and the sort of dynamic sexual magnetism you can’t get out of a bottle. How’s that for a run-on?
It’s late, I’m tired, I’m also old and getting older. I could really do with some shrooming fun, but I don’t know when I’ll have the chance to commune with my mushroom god anytime soon. You will all have to shroom on my behalf!
If you shroom for me, I’ll give you all the yipppeees!
Saturday, April 23, 2005
It’s Saturday night, are we all having fun?
I’m not, I’m at work, bored and lacking anything constructive to do. You know what that means…? It means I’m logged in and blogged on, just for you!
“I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for Y-O-U!” Dig it, fuckers!
Check this shit out! Finally, a sensible article about the government’s attempt to ban my beloved magic mushrooms. Go on, read it, read it now!
It seems like sensible minds might be doing what they can to prevent this travesty of a law from going through.
Remember, here at the hippy, we’re keeping a keen eye on this new legislation. My dedicated teams of researchers are combing the newspapers and public records from Parliament for any and all mentions of this silly, new law.
With a little luck and common sense, shrooms will remain legal and available forever!
Even better, it seems like the online retailers are doing all sorts of special deals on fresh shrooms. One site, which I plan on ordering from on Monday, is giving away a 1/3rd free with every order. That means, if I order 100grams, I’ll get 33grams on top for free. Groovy!
I’m planning on getting some Colombians, which are my current fav’s. They’re the most visual and I have seen some amazing pretty colours under the influence of them. Dig it some more, fuckers!
We’ve just ordered a curry, so my office will be dining in style this evening, this hippy included. I’m not wild about Indian food, I prefer my favourite Malaysian takeaway, but I’m hungry, so it will have to do.
And on that spicy note, I’m going to wrap up this fascinating glimpse into my weird and wacky life. Catch ya later, fuckers!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Ok. Sorry I haven’t been here in a while. I’m shit, but at least I’m honest.
That’s ok, though since there haven’t been that many of you around either.
I got back home late on Wednesday, following quite an eventful return to the UK.
The flight was pure fucking hell in the skies. The fact that I didn’t try to down the aircraft mid-flight is a testament to my incredible powers of self control. I should be a saint. St. Hippy of North Fucking London!
A life sentence in a Spanish mainland prison seemed briefly preferable to four hours trapped on a 737 filled with the worst possible low-life chavscum imaginable. If I ever even consider getting on one of these shitty charter flights again, please, just shoot me through the skull with a large calibre round!
I was in a row of three seats, on the isle, Mrs. H was across the isle in the other section. To my right were 2 horrible women and an uncontrollable toddler probably under 2 years old, climbing all over them. They were vile and unpleasant and I despised them. Behind me was the father of the child and a slightly older kid. When I offered to switch seats, the father refused. He was a cunt of the highest order and I was left trapped with his scum family. They even changed the kid’s diaper, a stinky mess of a number two, without going to the loo.
To give you an idea of how scummy all of these people were, at one point, Mrs. H went to use the toilet and before she went in, the chief stewardess was checking to see that she had shoes on. Why? Because some pig pissed all over the floor in the toilet!
If it’s not a scheduled flight, if I’m not in business or first class, I’m not going! I just can’t take it!
Oh, but dear reader, the tale doesn’t end there, oh no, not by a long shot!
When we arrived at Gatwick, Mrs. H collapsed in the arrivals area. She hadn’t been well while we were away and the flight only made her worse. We left the airport in an ambulance, without passing go and collecting our luggage or immigration.
Once at the hospital, they ran a battery of tests on Mrs. H, and they all came back negative. The chest x-ray was clear and all of her blood tests, all five vials, were fine. They said she had some sort of chest infection, probably viral and they sent us home with instructions for cough syrup, tea with honey and lemon and some pain medication, but no antibiotic, since they said it wouldn’t help.
Poor Mrs. H still has her cough and is still feeling quite poorly.
We then had to get home from the hospital, which involved a 2 and 1/2 hour minicab ride from hell, with a nice driver who was terrified of getting lost on the way back. I was exhausted by the time I arrived home, drained from the reassurances I had to give this driver that he wouldn’t get lost!
Take it from me, stay home. Holidays are for suckers! Make your every day life a holiday!
I had to return to Gatwick on Thursday to collect our bags, which was a surprisingly smooth operation. Gatwick is extremely far from my north London lair, but I was able to make the entire trip, on public transportation no less, in under 4 hours. Trust me, for London, that’s impressive.
I was suppose to work tonight, but because Mrs. H is still unwell, I’ve had to take the night off, but I’m working Saturday and Sunday nights as planned.
I’d like to write more, but I spent way too much time writing an entry in my other blog. I really am going to wrap it up this week, no joke, no lie. I’ve run out of steam and it’s always better to quit while you’re on top anyway. And yes, that blog is way on top, with more hits, more pages, more everything than this one.
Let’s face it, even fictional sex is more interesting than my life!
Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon to tell you all about my all new digital holiday experience. I’ve got 57 excellent still photos and around 20 minutes of raw video to turn into the ultimate holiday comedy video extravaganza, which won’t be available on DVD at your favourite high street retailer.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Yep, that´s the limit of my Spanish. Luckily, everyone here in paradise speaks English, though German is far more popular with the tourists. Germans love holidays almost as much as they love getting in my goddamn way.
Here´s the thing and of course I don´t mean to be racist, but...
Germans never watch where they´re going. They´re always looking one way and walking another. They bump into you a lot. They´ve also never heard of queuing up, that quaint British pastime us Londoners know and love so much. They´re rude, loud, pushy, arrogant and my hotel is filled with them.
Mrs. H speaks fluent German (as well as French, Dutch and a smattering of Spanish - she´s seriously multilingual) which is always a good laugh, as she can translate their awkward comments for me. What she won´t do is tell me how to say "cunt" in Deutsche, so I can express myself more fully to them. Damn shame.
I didn´t sit down here, at this PC with it´s limited, cutdown version of Internet Explorer and 6 euro an hour price tag to slag off the Germans, but they´ve been pissing me off. So there!
Enough. Besides, this blog is still pretty dead. If you´re lucky enough to be reading this, you´ve stumbled on one of the best kept secrets of the internet. I´m not unknown, I´m underground, like anything that is just too cool.
Where´d you all go? Don´t you love the hippy anymore? Here, have an upside-down one too ¿ The keyboard has a Spanish layout!
I still love you all, very much, like a cat loves it´s kittens, like a fat kids loves cake. Sorry, I think I just quoted Fifty Cent. I won´t let that happen again!
It´s Sunday afternoon, here in paradise,l Mrs. H thinks she might be coming down with a cold, so she´s having a wee nap. I´m back home on Weds evening and I´ll be stoned about 30 secs after walking through the door. I am missing my spliff very much...!
Sometimes, that´s the price you pay for coming to stay in paradise.
The hotel I´m at is very nice and we are here on an all-inclusive basis. That means all the food, drinks, booze and blow-jobs from the maids are included in one low price. Ok, not the BJs, but you do get a discount.
Shame on you hippy and your obsession with rampant oral sex. Save if for your other blog!
Ah yes, the other blog. It´s more popular than this one, it´s had more attention from the media than this one. It´s all about sex, nasty, kinky, dirty, nearly anonymous sex. No wonder its more popular. Also, it´s fictional, so how do you think that makes me feel. My real life is not as interesting as something I´ve made up. Go figure.
I guess people would rather read about BJ´s than spliff and shrooms. Fuck 'em if they don`t know what they`re missing.
I`d love to sit here and continue to type my special brand of drivel, but I`m on vacation and have better things to be doing. That´s not really true either, but I´m running out of euros to feed this goddamn computer.
Oh here´s a little taster of hippyfun to come. When I get back, I´ve got an interview set up with the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair. That´s right! Since the election date hass been announced, ol´Tony B has been more of a media whore than even me. He`ll talk to anyone, even me. And I´ve got loads of questions for him, about the pointless war in Iraq, about the reclassification of shrooms, cannabis and I want to find out what his plans are when he´s done being the PM. Maybe he´d like his own tv talk show, which I could produce for him.
I´ve actually met him before, a couple of times, not that he´d remember me or even know I am the northlondonhippy. Don´t worry, the interview will be via telephone, so he won´t even know what I look like!
Anyway, enough already, if I don´t hit publish now, I´ll be fucked out of my last couple of minutes on here. Catch ya when I´m back in Blighty!
Friday, April 15, 2005
This is going to be a quick one, I´m in an over priced internet cafe at my otherwise lovely holiday resort on the island of Fuerteventura. For those of you who don´t know, that´s in the Canary Islands, which belong to Spain. Ola, por favour!
Mrs. H and I arrived on Weds, but this is my first chance to grab some access to the WWW thing. Groovy!
I´m spliffless, but surviving. I could really do with some, so if you know anyone in Corralejo with a good connection to some weed, please feel free to email me! And yes, I´m fucking serious!
And a big shout out to Marie, who was kind enough to take the time to leave some comments here on the blog. Thanks, Marie, I wish all my hippyfans were as cool as you!
Not that you all aren´t cool, but the extra special cool ones leave me positive comments, or send me emails or perform lewd acts of oral sex on me. Any of those three things are fine with me, though Mrs. H might take exception to the third one. That´s ok, she barely reads this blog, so it will be just between us.
Ok, I´m not really a net-perv, but my net-perv blog continues to be very successful. Perhaps too successful, since it has now overtaken this one in the pages served stakes! In the last few days, I´ve literally had 10 times the hits on the other blog as I´ve had on this one! Sex sells, but all the really cool people get high first, and that includes us!
Spymeter knows all and I can even check it here in paradise. Lucky fucking me!
Like I said, this is just a quick blast of the hippy. Don´t worry, I´ll come back again before I return to my north London lair. Until then, stay cool, stay high, stay hippyfans eternally!
Monday, April 11, 2005
It’s indeed a very sad day for this hippy as today is the day that fresh, magic mushrooms have become illegal in the UK.
There was no fanfare, or barely even an announcement. The traditional media seems to have ignored this story and the drug bill. This is the only place you can read about it. This is where the tragedy will be commemorated.
Stop press! Before I write my eulogy on shrooms, check out what I found on my favourite headshop website, www.everyonedoesit.com
“Following the shock announcement on Friday 8th April, that the UK Drugs Bill had circumvented the usual scrutiny and attained 'Royal Assent', we have received word that the UK Home Office may be postponing clause 21, which reclassifies magic mushroom products as class A drugs; pending the inclusion of exemption for wild mushrooms.
Does this mean that our beloved mushroom products are still available for sale?
For now, yes.
We'll keep you updated.”
I hope they don’t mind the cut & paste job I’ve just done, but they seem to be the only place to get up to date news on the subject!
Sorry, I just popped on to the the forums on EveryOneDoesIt and it seems that they have screwed the law up already! If you had wild magic mushrooms growing in your garden, through no fault of your own, you could be charged with possession of a Class A drug and sentenced to 14 years! Ooops.
I came online to write a loving tribute to my favourite drug on the day they made them illegal and low and behold, I’ve discovered that the bill has been delayed until July. That gives me some extra time to prepare.
Also, home growing could continue to be a grey area, which means that all is not lost.
Yippppeeee, my shrooming days are not over yet!
That’s right fuckers, this craze hippy is still giving away the Gmail invites. If you want one, just click on the above link and I’ll send it to you asap! There going fast, but not so fast that I can’t give you one. Try me, if I run out, I’ll let you know here in my blog. Go on, you know you wanna!
I’m at work tonight, making a guest appearance. That’s what I call one night on its own, a guest appearance. Ain’t I funny? Don’t answer that.
Once I finish this morning, I’m not back for about a week and a half. On Wednesday, I’m flying out to Fuertaventura for a week in the sun with Mrs.H. I’ve got a bit of running around to do tomorrow and Tuesday, and a few things to do around the house as well before I go, but overall, it’s looking like smooth sailing for the next few days.
I’m looking forward to taking my new camcorder with me to make a fun film about my trip starring Mrs. Hippy. And when I get back, the shopping spree will continue!
I’m going to be ordering the following when I return:
1) Final Cut Express HD
2) Logic Express
3) Toast Titanium
4) Maxtor One Touch II, 300gb USB/Firewire external hard drive
5) GarageBand Jam Packs 3 & 4 (poss only, to be decided)
The new additions to the list are Toast Titanium and the Garage Band expansion packs. Toast is what you use on a MAC to burn CDs, VCDs and DVDs with a bit more control than other programs and the Jam Packs add additional instruments and loops to Logic Express and Garage Band. The 2 Jam Packs I’m looking give you additional drum beats (#3) and symphony orchestra loops (#4), which would be useful for scoring films and things.
I’ve decided to go for the big external drive as well, since it is a really useful device to have when cutting video and working with audio. It can also back up my entire operating system too.
The 2 main purchases are the software applications, Final Cut Express HD and Logic Express. They are both cut-downs of the pro versions, but will be more than powerful enough for a twat like me!
After my holiday, I plan on kick-starting my new creative endeavours in a very big way. First off, I’ll be editing my holiday film. Then I’m going to dive head first into the music creation AND then I’m going to make my next film masterpiece. It’s going to be loads of fun!
The biggest news is I’m back on track with my other blog and will be wrapping that up in the next fortnight or less. Once that’s done, I’ll have a lot more time to play around and move in other directions. Yipppeee to that!
Anyway, enough of this bollocks, I should do some proper work. I’ll post again before I leave for the holiday and I’m aiming to do some blogging from net cafés while I’m away, so normal service will continue uninterrupted. How lucky are you?
Saturday, April 09, 2005
The bad news has been confirmed. From Monday, 11th April 2005, fresh magic mushrooms will no longer be legal. Thanks to the cunts in the government here, they have been reclassified, to be in the same category as cocaine and heroin. There was no discussion, no debate, no dispassionate investigation into the facts, they just fucking did it!
Unless I’ve slept through it, the UK newspapers and media as a whole have ignored this story so far. The bill was slipped through parliament quietly, when no one was looking. The only confirmation I’ve see is on an email from my friends at www.everyonedoesit.com - the head-shop website I use the most and not just for shrooms.
I could order some today, but since I am going away for a week on Weds, it’s not practical. I do have some left from a previous purchase, but they will probably go off while I’m away. That means, potentially, last week’s big VOSS could have been my last ever little shrooming trip!
Holy mother of fuck! That’s sucks the big wet one, doesn’t it kids?
I’m not the only person in the UK who will miss them. If you believe what you read, there are thousands of other people who dig shrooms here besides me. What are we all going to do?
I’m sure if I look around hard enough, someone will still be selling them. Also, the status of grow kits hasn’t been made clear just yet. If you can still get the kits, then the problem may not be so severe. Something tells me that the grow kits will be included in this legislation, but until it is clarified, I can live in hope.
The other option is to grown them from scratch, but this is a complicated process which is easy to fuck-up. I don’t know that I will have the time, patience or technical know-how to do it anyway.
So this might really be it. I might actually have to start billing myself as “previously the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet”. This really sucks ass.
Fuck you, you ignorant cunt-ass mother-fucker politician scumcunts! How dare you tell me what fucking vegetables I can and can’t eat! Fungus is FUN and you’ve ruined it, without even understanding what it is you’ve ruined. You’re all ignorant shitbags, unworthy of the air you breath. I hope all your children become smackheads who sell their underage asses on the street for pocket change just to score their next fix!
That sure showed ‘em! They won’t mess with the hippy again!
I’m not feeling so well today, kids and this is because of a little trip to the doctor I made yesterday. Earlier in the week, I discovered a small bump on one of my testicles.
Yuck, ick and oh my fucking god!
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything this personal, so enjoy it while you can.
A few days ago, I noticed my right ball was hanging a bit funny, it felt heavier and when sitting without wearing any undies, it was rubbing against my leg in a most unusual way.
Being totally paranoid, I assumed it was cancer and I was going to have to have my bollocks chopped off. That’s the way my mind works.
Because of my bizarre work-pattern, I wasn’t able to see my doctor until Friday, which meant I had a couple of anxious days waiting with this weighing heavily on my mind. I was finally able to see my doc yesterday.
The surgery I use is a 5 minute drive from my house and they offer a good feature, if you phone them first thing in the morning, they hold a few appointments back that can be booked on the day.
For an NHS surgery, which has tons of patients, this facility is fantastic. It means you can almost always get to see your own doctor when you need to.
I’ve been going to this GP for nearly 8 years and I’m lucky to have quite a good one. Overall, my health is pretty good, except for a long term stomach problem that I’ve written about here before, but because of that ailment, I do see my GP a few times a year to review my medication, so I know him quite well.
The waiting room was packed, as it often is, because it is such a busy surgery. My doctor is never, or rarely on-time, which is a bad thing when you are waiting, but a good thing once you see him. He’s always late because he never rushes you and always takes the time to listen to your complaint.
When I finally got in to see him, I told him straight away what my concern was. He put on a pair of rubber gloves and asked me to drop my trousers. A testicle exam is performed with the patient standing up, while the doctor sits on a chair in front of you.
He grabbed my balls, one at a time and gave them an alarmingly firm examination. What he found, thank fuck, was not a tumour, but an infection in my epididymis. Your epididymis is a duct that has something to do with sperm production. It’s part of your fun plumbing as opposed to your urine plumbing.
He prescribed me some anti-inflammatories as well as a really strong antibiotic and referred me to the urologist for an ultrasound on my nuts. The antibiotic has been making me feel a bit nauseous as well as emotional, but I only need to take it for a week. Unless the pain continues, then I might need to continue it for a second week.
It’s all a big drag, since I’m going away on Weds, but at least I dealt with it. I was pretty scared by the whole thing, though at least my doctor is fairly certain it’s nothing more serious than an infection. That’s serious enough!
It’s funny, what goes through your head, when confronted with something like this. I wasn’t afraid of dying, actually I think I found that possibility less worrying than a life without my testicles. That must sound profoundly silly, but as I was thinking about all of this, I kept coming back to this: “If it’s cancer, I wish it was cancer of any other part of my body, anything but my balls.”
Yes, I know that is stupid, immature and a host of all sorts of other things, but that was my honest reaction. I’d rather be dead than survive without my balls.
I’m sure, if actually confronted with this choice, I’d end up choosing to sing soprano and having some more time left on earth, but in that moment of terror, that’s what I came up with.
You see, it’s not all drugs and jokes and my amazing animal magnetism around here, I tell you the shit I don’t tell anyone else.
Sorry if any of this grossed anyone out or offended anyone who survived cancer. My father died of bladder cancer about 7 months ago and the last year of his life was miserable as he battled this killer and lost. Cancer scares me, cancer is the great leveller.
I always use the Beatles example on cancer. Money can usually spare you all sorts of ills, but cancer’s not one of them. Just ask Linda McCartney and George Harrison. They both had Beatles money, which is more money than you and I could ever imagine having. It gave them both the resources to do whatever it took to keep themselves alive, no matter what the cost.
And where are they now? They’re not. They died. If the big “C” is going to get you, there’s nothing you can do about it.
I’m not saying people don’t survive it, you hear remarkable stories of courage and recovery as well. But if it is gonna get you, it’s gonna get you, no matter how hard you fight.
Enough of this morbid shit.
This entire entry has been a real downer, between the ban on shrooms coming into force and my balls needing medical attention. It can’t always be about my new toys and cool music and fun! Sometimes reality gets a look-in too!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Finally, a promotion that’s got people excited! I wish I’d thought of this Gmail thing ages ago. It’s cool that some of you have taken me up on this limited time offer. I’ve got plenty more left, but once they’re gone, that’s it, the promotion ends.
I wish I had 50 new cars to give away, but I’m not Oprah. I’m glad I’m not Oprah though. She might be rich, but she’s also really dull.
I’ve got some bad news to share with you. While everyone’s been distracted by the election announcement, the commons and lords have approved the stupid new anti-drug bill, which includes the reclassification of fresh magic mushrooms. The bill is now waiting for “royal assent@, whatever that means.
What it means is that my favourite legal drug is about to be put in the same category as coke, crack and smack! Fucking motherfucking cunts!
I’m not sure when the ban will come into force, but I expect it won’t be long. It’s such a stupid thing to do. Who I feel the sorriest for are the retailers, who found a niche business and were making big money like good capitalists should! This law is more anti-business than anti-drugs.
This puts me in a quandary. Do I try to find an illegal source for shrooms? Do I learn to grow my own from scratch? Or do I just give up on my favourite funny fungus? Decisions, decisions, decisions.
I’m quite upset about this actually. I was sort of hoping that the anti-drug bill would get lost in the shuffle when Blair asked the queen to dissolve parliament. I’m not that lucky.
I’m still at work, I’ve got a couple more hours to go. I’ll catch you guys later.
Don’t forget the free Gmails!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Yeah, I’m back again. Alert the media. Oh wait, that’s me, both old and nu.
I’m home now and I’ve just formalised the big Gmail invite give away thing.
The first fifty hippyfans who email me will be rewarded with invitations to join Gmail. Click on the link at the top of this post for all the details. Go on, you know you wanna!
It’s pissing down with rain here which is a bitch and a half, because shortly I need to walk up to my local high street to take care of some business. Specifically I’m picking up a small case for my new Sony PCR HC42E camcorder. I’m taking it away on holiday with me and want something that will keep it safe when I stick it inside my carry-on for the flight.
I’m going to document my holiday. Won’t that be fun. My plan is to turn it into an amusing film. The result may end up being something less than amusing, but I’m willing to give it a try.
I’ll add a voice-over and some jokes, that’ll do the trick!
Aren’t you glad you don’t really know me. I might bore you with the DVD!
No, scratch that. I’m fucking tired. You would be too if you just spent 12 hours at work, overnight.
Whinge, whinge, whinge. Either you’re working too much or not enough.
Speaking of work, I’ve found a new source of income inside the same building I work in now. That’s good news for this hippy, because it means I can increase my earning power.
Existing as a freelance media-whore is not as bad as it sounds. I’ve actually done pretty well this last year and I’ve got the toys to show for it! As long as someone is willing to throw me a few hundred quid, I’m available to come watch tv at their office any night.
You think I’m joking? Think again, fuckers! Some nights, that’s most of what I do. Other nights, when it’s busy, I’m worth ten times what they pay me. And modest about it too.
If things weren’t so chilled at work, I wouldn’t be able to write as much as I do here, not to mention my other, second, secret, fictional blog.
Hey, I haven’t updated you guys on the action with the other blog in a while.
There’s a reason for that. I’ve had a reporter from a crappy newspaper chasing me/him for an interview. What’s worse is they also wanted to get a photo of him/me as well. When they couldn’t trick me into allowing them to sneak a photo, they scrapped the story.
But that’s ok, because I wrote the entire episode as an entry on the other blog. I was able to fit it into the overall narrative quite smoothly and in a day or so, I’m going to tip off some other papers to the entire thing.
This reporter tried to trick him/me into meeting her, but she was pretending to be a fan of this other blogger. This is all complicated, but it’s been good fun. I’ve never been the target of a sting before.
I swear all this stuff is true. My other blog is getting some real attention.
And I don’t mean this as a slight against my ever-faithful hippyfans, but the people who read the other blog are obsessed with it! In less than a week, I’m going to reach 2,000 visits. It won’t be long before the other blog has had more than this blog.
Oh woe is me that my fictional blog is more popular and well received than my real life one.
And it’s all down to sex. Perhaps I should write about bj’s here more often, though I don’t know if I actually want to bring the net-perv brigade here. Something tells me, bj’s or not, they wouldn’t really dig whatever it is I actually do.
Oh yeah, “my special brand of drivel”. That’s it. How could I forget?
Well, I’d love to sit here and continue with the drivel action, but I’ve got places to go, things to buy and sleep to enjoy.
I’ve got 50 Gmail invitations to hand out to all my most loyal hippyfans!
That’s right, kids, you can have a free invitation to set up your own Gmail account.
Don’t know about Gmail?
What! Do you live in a vacuum? It’s only the most happening web-based email in the entire known world! And it's provided free by my good friends at Google.
Remember, Google knows everything so you don't have to!
Gmail gives you 2gb of storage, so you’ll never have to delete anything, ever again. Unless you want to because your webstalker figured out that you’ve got new email address!
Gmail has more features than this hippy can list. Trust me, it’s the dog’s bollocks. If the hippy digs it, you know it’s good!
How do you get one?
Simple. Send an email to me on email@example.com with "Gimme a Gmail you crazeee hippy!" in the subject line and I’ll send the invitation to you straight away.
There’s no contest this time, no costs, no strings and no catch.
I just want to give away some Gmail accounts! And Google would want them to go to hippyfans anyway. You're all trendsetters, people who matter, just the sort of folks that Google would like to have showing off their excellent email service.
The offer is for a limited time only, basically once I run out of invites, that’s it. This party’s over, the ship will have sailed, so don’t email me tomorrow, do it now!
You see, the hippy is always trying to think of new ways to improve your life!
(This offer is not sponsored by Google, but if they would like to, I wouldn’t say no to large amounts of cash, Google stock, or consumer electronics or pretty much anything they might like to offer. Except websearches, I get them free already....from Google!)
In light of this new information, I’m afraid I’ve had to abandon my quest to be the next pope. I won’t be campaigning, nor will I be asking for you to all write to the Vatican expressing your support.
Oh, boo fucking hoo!
That’s ok, because my next exciting promotion may appeal to you even more.
I’ve got 50 invites for Gmail, the shit-hot webmail service from my friends at Google.
Remember, Google knows everything so you don’t need to!
Gmail is good, very good indeed. You get 2gb of storage now and some fancy features as well. So here’s the deal:
If you email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line “hey you crazeee hipppeee, gimme my Gmail!”, I’ll send you an invite to get your own account. The offer is open until I run out of Gmail invitations.
I’m not sure if registration is now open to the public for Gmail, I’ve had mine for around a year and I think it rocks! Let’s face it, wouldn’t it be far cooler to have a hippy approved membership than to just get one online like any member of the twatty public?
Of course it is! That’s why I want my hippyfans to benefit from my privileged position as a Gmail pioneer. All you need to do is send me an email and I’ll send you an invite asap.
I’m at work right now, having an odd old time of it. I’ve literally just hit the ½ point in my mammoth 12 hour shift, so that’s 6 down and 6 to go. I’ve only got one more night this week, and then a one off on Sunday, before I depart on my week long holiday with Mrs. H to sunnier climes.
Don’t worry, I’ll be efforting frequent updates from my paradise locale via net cafés. It worked out well last Sept, when I spent a fortnight in Corfu, this time I’m only away for a week, but the hotel has net access, so it will be smooth sailing!
I’m looking forward to the holiday, it will be nice to relax for a week and not worry about anything. I’m planning on taking my new camcorder to document the entire trip, plus I’ve got a stack of books standing by, just aching to be read.
I’m very tempted to pick up an iPOD shuffle as well, though it’s an expense I haven’t budgeted for and what I really want is a full sized iPOD. I don’t know what to do. I’ve got a mini-disc player, but with the new Apple 20” G5 iMAC, I’ve got no way to put any new songs onto it. Oh well, I’ve still got time to decide.
I haven’t got too much more to say tonight, I’ve got some work I should be doing anyway. Hope all my hippyfans are cool and I’m serious about the Gmail invites. If you want one, you know what to do!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
If it wasn't for the Pope popping his clogs just now, the VOSS would have been the top story on the news. But more on that later.
First, let's dig the big fuck-off motherfucking fuck fuck FUCK VOSS! It was an even bigger success than last time. Special thanks to Shabba B and Hybrid12003 for dropping by and adding so much to the fun. It was especially cool to speak to Hybrid, as he's a proper shroomer from New England in the USA. He grows 'em from scratch, the hard way, so maxium respect!
I'm sorry, but I couldn't possibly thank everyone who dropped in on the VOSS or I would be here all goddamn night! Thanks to everyone who took the time out of their otherwise busy lives to join me for the online fun!
Oh your lives may be bleak and dreary, but you've always got me to keep the fun levels up up UP!
My shrooming experience was somewhat odd. I took 30 grams of Philippine p.cubes plus another 6 grams of Hawaiians on top. Yuck.
I still hate the taste and it's the worst part of shrooming.
As I was coming up and the drug was starting to take hold of my brain, I briefly had a little panic that I might end up as gone as I was during the night of my shroom hell. I didn't and I wouldn't have, as I'm watching out for my dosage more carefully.
The night of my shroom hell certainly had an effect on me, I think it's why I've stayed away from them for nearly 2 months. Even today, when I was taking them, part of me was wondering if I was going to have a bad time.
But I had a great time! Shrooms rule!
I might be short, fat, bald and old, but at least I spent the day monged on shrooms.
Now, this might be premature, but I would like to launch my bid to be the next pope. Consider my hat properly thrown into the ring!
Look fuckers, it makes sense. I'd be a great pope. If I was pope, you could say "the pope smokes dope" and it would be true!
Here's ten reasons why I'd make a great pope:
1) I'd cancel celibacy. That's right priests, you can marry women or each other, I don't really care, as long as you lay off the little boys
2) I'm not catholic. I don't even believe in god. Think of my refreshing approach to everything.
3) No one would go to hell. There is no hell. Hell is in your head.
4) I'd liquify all of the church's assets. The Vatican has shitloads of money, plus artworks, gold, plus all the undeclared stuff they keep in the basement. And once it was all cashed out, I'd divide it up and give you a share. We can all live like kings!
5) I'd cancel church. You could sleep in every Sunday!
6) I'd take the Christ out of Christmas. Isn't xmas better for everyone? Let's face it, all that mumbo jumbo about Jesus and the manger just distracts everyone away from their really cool presents.
7) I'd make sure all women could have abortions on demand. Sorry, but accidents happen and they shouldn't have to be paid for by an unwanted child.
8) Better yet, I'd approve birthcontrol. For some people, I'd make it mandatory.
9) Did I mention celibacy
10) I'll think of number 10 another time
So you see, it just makes good common sense, so when it comes time to vote for the next pope, make sure you vote hippy!
Think I'm joking fuckers, think again. My bid to be pope is not a joke. Give me a little time to get organised and I'll let you know how you can help!
I'm going to resume my evening now, safe in the knowledge that I'll soon be your pope.
To join the fun, all you need is a Yahoo account and a Java-enabled browser. Before you know it you'll be joining me in the northlondonhippy shroom room!
To join the VOSS right now, click
H E R E ! ! ! !
Once you click on that link, you will be brought to the Yahoo sign-in page. Log in with your Yahoo ID and password and then you will get a page to join my group. It will only take you a minute and you don't have to fill out everything. There's no approval process, once you complete the form, you will be taken to the main page, from their click on the "CHAT" link on the left-hand side. That will launch Java and the chatroom software and before you know it, you'll be partying with me!
Need more info about the big VOSS, click HERE!
Want to find out absolutely anything else, click HERE!
Ok, sorry about that last one, I'm just pissing about.
So here's the deal, for the length of the VOSS, this entry will sit at the very top of my blog. Once the VOSS finishes, I'll post another entry announcing it is over with a nice post-mortem on the day's amazing fun. And it will be fun, dammit!
I haven't taken my shrooms yet, but I will be soon. But don't let that stop you, if you've got your shrooms or any other mind altering substance, just go for it! Get high, get online and have a great time with me, the re-annointed "most shroomtastic stoner on the internet"!
So let's have some fun fuckers! Let's have a VOSS!