VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, August 29, 2005

Do you dream of having your own Gmail? Well, this hippy can make all your Gmail dreams come true and it’s all just one click away! What are you waiting for!

Tonight has been better than last night. I don’t know why, but then sometimes it’s best not to question these things too hard.

My evening has pretty much been dominated by the big, fuck-off storm heading for New Orleans. Hurricane Katrina is due to make landfall in the next few hours and it is a fierce one. Its category 5, which is as high as the scale goes. It’s the worst storm in a very long time.

People will probably die, though they have evacuated something like 3 million residents. Someone I work with is there, though he says he’s got a safe place to be. I hope so.

Where this storm will impact is economically. It will do massive damage to everything. It will also drive the cost of petrol up, up, up!

Here’s the warning from the local weather centre in New Orleans, and it’s one of the scariest I’ve ever read:

“Urgent Weather Message from NWS New Orleans WWUS74 KLIX 281550NPWLIXURGENT -

WEATHER MESSAGE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS LA 1011 AM CDT SUN AUG 28 2005

DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED HURRICANE KATRINAA MOST POWERFUL HURRICANE WITH UNPRECEDENTED STRENGTH...RIVALING THE INTENSITY OF HURRICANE CAMILLE OF 1969.

MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. AT LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.

THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.

HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT. AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED.

THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS... AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK. POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED.

WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS. THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING... BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEWCROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE KILLED.

AN INLAND HURRICANE WIND WARNING IS ISSUED WHEN SUSTAINED WINDS NEAR HURRICANE FORCE...OR FREQUENT GUSTS AT OR ABOVE HURRICANE FORCE.. .ARE CERTAIN WITHIN THE NEXT 12 TO 24 HOURS.ONCE TROPICAL STORM AND HURRICANE FORCE WINDS ONSET...

DO NOT VENTURE OUTSIDE”

Sheeeesh!

No, you haven’t accidently stumbled into the weather blog! This storm will be historic and memorable. This hippy says so!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

If you don’t want a Gmail, then do NOT click here. But if you do want a Gmail, then PLEASE do click here. It couldn’t be easier!

If this blog was a dog, I’d put it down. Where is everyone? What do I have to do to bring you all back? Tell me and I’ll do it twice even!

Time for some hippy honesty. I’m a pseudo-intellectual. I’m reasonably bright, clever and switched-on, but I’m not a true intellectual.

I’ve come to this conclusion after spending some time checking out THIS thought-provoking WEBSITE.

Edge.org is chock full of proper intellectuals, in the classic sense. I’m nothing like them.

They all seem to think they know everything, even the unknowable. That’s not very clever, is it?

I know that my tiny brain will never have the answers to the true mysteries of the universe. No one alive on the planet right now ever will.

There will always be theories and explanations, but you can't prove them in any meaningful way. They all expect one to make a leap of faith, or imagine things that quite frankly don’t really make sense.

Why are we here? How did we get here? Where did the universe come from? Who the fuck knows?

No one. And we never will.

Quantum physics, quarks, strings, wormholes, all that shit may be true, but we’ll never know. No one’s come up with a unifying theory that ties all of Einstein’s ideas together into one seamless system for explaining everything.

Our brains are too small, we’re no where near as clever as we think we are. Most of you haven’t even figured out how insignificant we are. Trust me, in the scheme of the universe, we’re all nothing but bits of flecks of dust. We’re barely even that.

If planet Earth went pop tomorrow, what difference would it make to anything? Sure, we’d all be gone, but so what? Do we actually contribute anything to the universe. Of course we don’t.

We part of the flora and fauna, we’re no better than the termites nibbling away at the frame of your house. Actually, we’re worse, because we’re chewing up our own home and spitting it out with alarming speed.

We think we matter. We think we count. We think we’re special. We’re about as deluded as we can be.

The lies we tell ourselves are worse than any of the lies forced down our throats by our governments and the media.

Ok, who’s depressed now? I mean besides me. Fuckin’ hell, I need to chill out.

Sorry for the mad existentialist rant, but I’m a bit down. I’m pissed off at work and very overtired. In my world at the moment, there never seems to be enough sleep.

It doesn’t matter, if you made it this far, I’ve managed to waste a couple of minutes of your otherwise bleak and dreary existences.

And those minutes I just wasted for you, you’ll never get them back.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Who wants a Gmail? Everyone wants a Gmail! Click here to get your very own Gmail! Do it now, fuckers!

Ok, it’s the middle of the night. Shit, scratch that, it’s the cusp of the morning. As I type this it’s 04:50am London time. I bet most of you are asleep, which is where I wish I was right now.

Dull does not even begin to describe my night. I’ve done less than nothing since I arrived and that doesn’t look set to change any time soon. I’ve still got over 2 hours to go.

And that ends the bit where I moan about work.

When you’re a wage slave, and I imagine most of us are, you have to do something for your dosh. As one of my colleagues pointed out, there are worse things I could be doing. What could be worse than throwing my life away one minute at a time?

I’m not actually that down right now, don’t let the cheap jokes fool ya!

In truth, my life is not that bad. It sure could be a lot worse. Let’s not tempt fate.

I’ve got 2 more nights in this run, then a one off this Thursday and then that’s it for a week and half or so. I can have a breather; I can catch up on my sleep. Maybe I could even have some fun.

Now that last bit is probably too much to hope for…but sometimes we all have to live in hope.

Ok, enough of my pseudo whinging. Please resume your normal lives, this hippy is finished for the night.

Friday, August 26, 2005

I got 'em and you all want them because they are so fucking desirable! Click here for the great northlondonhippy Gmail give-away!

This is going to be one fast entry. I'm still at work, though my eyes are staring longingly at the door. It's been a fiddly night, bitty as my colleagues say, with lots of annoying crap interspersed with moments of true journalistic genius.

Maybe not.

A slew of dead people in a fire in Paris certainly woke us all up. Dead people always make my work-life busier. Could you try not to die so often, please? Live long and make my life duller!

I'm doing the Gmail give-away thing again. Why not? I've still got loads of invites. Every time I send some out, they just reset the counter to 50, so why don't you take advantage of my generosity? There are no strings, I don't expect money or sex or drugs.

Well, I always expect drugs, but I don't know how you can email them to me. Once I figure that out, man oh man, you can send me all your best stuff!

You have no idea how tired I am. How could you? I've been awake since around 10:30am on Thursday. As I type this, it is nearly 7am, by the time I get home and go to bed, I will have been awake for 22 hours.

Don't envy for my glamorous media lifestyle, envy me because I exist on little or no sleep and still perform like a total pro. Damn, I'm good!

I told you this was going to be a quick one, fuckers. See, that was goddamn fast!
I've still got Gmail invites. Heaps of them. Well, 50. It seems every time I send some out, they just restore me back to fifty. Maybe I have an infinite number?

Here's the thing! I want you to have a Gmail too!

Why? Because I'm one crazeeeeeeee fucking hippy! Fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck...!

Gmail is by far the best goddamn web-based email service available. It's got the snazziest features and the highest storage limit of them all. This hippy uses it, so you know its got to be good! Damn good!

And Gmails are even more desirable than ever, thanks to Google's brand new service GOOGLE TALK.

Google Talk ain't just an instant messenger, oh no, it's a shitload more. That's their slogan I think and if it's not, they can use it with my compliments.

Mainly, its suppose to give you high-quality voice to voice communications between you and any other Google Talk user. Man oh man, those Google folks are goddamn geniuses! I wish they'd give me a job! I could be their token hippy!

Or their tokin' hippy. Did you see what I did there? Did you? DID YOU?

I don't mind giving Google a big plug here in the hippy blog. They do a lot for me, they're the secret muscle behind blogger you know. And I hoping, if I big them up enough, they send me some free money. Fuck knows, they've got shitloads of the stuff. I bet it's coming outta their asses! Maybe they could not send me the shittier bills.

Look man, its like I'm giving you free phone calls to anyone and everyone. Anyone with the same software and a Gmail login, but ain't that good enough for you? It better be! It's the best I can do!

And what have you done for me anyway? Sweet fuck all, but that's ok, since I don't ask for much. I don't ask for anything, except your sanity and your virtue.

As if you still have your virtue! You're a hippyfan, that makes you a fucker! Trust me, it's better than being a celibate! Ask your family priest!

So here's the deal my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike: You can have a Gmail with my compliments, all you need to do is this:

Send me an email to northlondonhippy@gmail.com and put "Gimme a Gmail you crazeeee hippy" in the subject line. That's all you need to do.

You could always send me your credit card details as well, but that's optional. I'd only use it to buy electronics, or drugs or a brand new Porsche, if your credit limit is as high as I am! And don't forget the 4-digit number on the signature strip! It's useless without that!

Once I receive your email, I'll send you a Gmail invite just as soon as my stubby little hippy fingers let me!

And once you have your Gmail, well, I wouldn't blame you if you bragged to all of your friends and told them what stupid losers they are for not having their own Gmail accounts. And you can tell them you got it from the hippy, which makes it extra super-special-neato-cool. And if they want one too, they better hurry, because you never know, I might run out...

PS
My fingers aren't really stubby. If they were, I wouldn't be able to type so goddamn fast!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

What a weird time to be blogging, but then when your life is always weird, no individual action should stand out. Maybe it’s not so weird for me after all.

It’s unusual for me to be doing it at this time, from home. Since I finished work on Monday morning, I’ve done nothing but sleep mainly. I’ll probably go back to bed soon for a little more of what I require.

I slept for 5 hours during the day yesterday, between 2pm and 7pm. I then slept some more between 10pm-1am on the sofa and then I went to bed until about 5am. That’s 12 hours of sleep all told and I still don’t feel 100% rested.

Is my work schedule this month turning into slow suicide? Keep watching for that hippy death announcement to find out!

Yeah, I’m overdoing it. You’re right, this hippy is getting old and can’t take it like I used to! It didn’t help that I did not get enough sleep for my last 2 shifts. I reckon I’ll be just about recovered in time to do my last four starting on Thursday night, so I can fuck myself up yet again!

The main reason I was inspired to log in and blog on is down to two articles I spied in this morning’s Times.

The first one, which I will handily provide a link to RIGHT HERE, concerns a new drug that combats overtiredness.

I mentioned this drug in my blog recently, like in the last entry or so, which made it odd that I saw this very report. Also, at the moment, as a shift worker who’s feeling shifted-out, I’d fucking like some!

The other story concerns a longish sequence in my last entry regarding licensing laws here in the UK. Here’s ANOTHER ONE OF MY HAND LINKS to the original Times report.

Since I went on and on about it the other day, I thought I’d spare you any more of “my special brand of drivel on the subject”.

But it goes to show you that I have my fingers on the pulse of modern society and you can get the drug news that matters most, here, where it counts the most!

Don’t think booze is a drug? Then you are deluded and can kiss my hippy-ass. Alcohol is the drug that society wants you to kill yourself on. If you don’t, they lose out on a lot of tax revenue.

All your favourite drugs are sold untaxed and your government and mine are losing out on lots of money! Think of all the really cool weapons and wars it could fund!

And just to round off my links to topics I’ve previously written about recently, HERE'S A LINK to an article that goes into great detail about Mo Mowlam’s forthcoming, posthumous book on legalising drugs. It’s from a couple of days ago in the Times, which is where I originally read it.

And with that, I’m going to stumble back up to bed and give my pillows a big cuddle. Catch ya later, my well informed fuckers and hippyfans alike!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Twice in one night! Oh hippy, you really are insane!

Not clinically, though. Perhaps I should seek a second opinion.

This night is endless and it’s not over yet! I’ve still got around 3 hours remaining before I can bust outta this joint. Then it’s yipppeee time!

Most of my colleagues are going drinking this morning. No, not in a park out of paper bags, but at a proper morning pub. Breakfast pubs are one of the best kept secrets in London.

As you may or may not know, the UK has a rather regulated system when it comes to drinking establishments. All this is set to change in November, but as it stands now, most bars and pubs have to close at 11pm, except on Sundays and public holidays, when they close at 10:30pm.

There are exceptions to this rule. Establishments that serve food or offer live entertainment can apply for special extensions to remain open later. Hotel bars can stay open all night as well, but only for guests.

The most unknown exception to the 11pm rule are market pubs, set up for people who work unsociable hours, like me. My favourite spot in London for this is Smithfield Market, which is a wholesale meat market on the fringe of the city. There are pubs that open around 5am there and continue until lunchtime. Yipppeee to that!

The pubs attract a mix of clientele, anything from blood-stained meat-cutters to postman who need a hand-steadier before braving their route. Nurses are another group that frequent these establishments as well as overnight media-scum like myself.

My absolute favourite pub at Smithfield Market opens at 7am and is slightly more upmarket. The drinkers in there tend to be city-businessmen-types, who need to sink a few rounds before hitting their offices.

Yes, I’m talking about the hardcore alcoholics here, but don’t they deserve the chance to enjoy a quiet bevvie at the time of their choosing? I’m not judgemental; we all have our own addictions. Me especially!

In November, all this is set to change as “24-hour, continental-style” drinking will become a possibility. All licensed establishments are now entitled to apply for any opening hours they choose and subject to local authority approval, might get it. The public has a say as well, so if you live near a pub, you and your neighbours can probably prevent it from opening too late if the correct pressure is applied.

This will be a good thing, as it should open up the possibility of having places to go after I finish work in the morning. I’m certain there will be places where this hippy can get a nice double-Bloody Mary before heading home after working all night! How about another yipppeee for that? Fuckers!

The reason I’m droning on and on with my special brand of drivel on this subject is that I’m not going along with my colleagues this morning. I would like to, but it’s just not practical. There’s loads of reasons, but mainly it is because I am so damn tired. Also, I’ve got my little Yaris with me and that means I’d be driving. There is no parking near the pub on a weekday, since it is so central AND I don’t drink and drive. How would I get the car home anyway?

What’s worse is I instigated this booze session. It was my suggestion and now I’m not going. I’m the worst friend you could ever have. Socially, I’m terribly undependable and unpredictable. I often don’t show up even when I promise I will.

Aren’t you glad we limit our relationship to the realm of the virtual? This hippy can’t disappoint you online because I’m always here!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

If I was any more fucked this evening, I’d be a three-dollar hooker in a seaport, when all the ships sailed in on payday. I’m royally fucked raw.

I didn’t get enough sleep today, or yesterday, which is not good. Thankfully, it’s my last night of this run. Come tomorrow morning and I can lie down and die. If only! I’m exhausted!

I’ve still got 10 glorious hours remaining and I’ve already been here for two. Yawn.

How about I just drone on about how fucked I am? That will make for some stimulating and exciting reading for all of you!

So what if I work too much, at least I don’t work too hard. I would work hard, given the chance, but the demands of my job haven’t been that bad lately. I get the occasional night where I might break a wee sweat, but for the most part, it’s very manageable.

It’s nowhere near as intense as my previous position, but I left that gig around 2 years ago. Why can’t people just give me free money and lots of it? Wouldn’t that be better for everyone?

It’s like I would waste all the free money you give me on drugs. Only some of it. Ok, most of it, but I would buy food and electronic goods too!

Right now, I’d trade tonight’s pay for a good night’s sleep. If only you could purchase rest at the shop. What I need are some of these new smartdrugs that they’ve developed. There’s one I read about recently which keeps you awake and alert, without feeling speedy. Sounds good to me.

See, that’s the thing, if they come up with some artificial, chemically engineered compound, that’s a smartdrug. If nature provides you with a plant that you can eat or smoke, they call that a bad drug. The world is well and truly fucked!

I didn’t mention it the other day, but Mo Mowlam passed away. If you don’t know who she is, that’s ok, she’s really only well known here in the UK. She was an MP and at one point was in charge of Northern Ireland. She’d survived a nasty brain tumour, but in the end, didn’t make it. She took a fall a few weeks ago and never recovered.

Mo Mowlam was one of the most popular politicians in this country, much more so than Tony Blair and his little band of losers. She was in Blair’s Labour party, but had a falling out with Tony and left government. She then gave up her seat in parliament.

I had the pleasure of being in Ms. Mowlam’s company, through my work, a few years back when she was the Northern Ireland secretary. I was covering the UK at the time, for my previous employers. I attended a couple of press briefings and a news conference with her and was impressed with her. She was sharp as fuck, humorous and very good at dealing with the press. I liked her even more after that.

At a Labour party conference, a few years back, she got a standing ovation. What made this particularly noteworthy is that it happened during Tony Blair’s flagship speech. Quite frankly, she was too popular and that played a huge part in her undoing.

I mention her for 2 reasons, one as a little mini-tribute from this hippy, but also because prior to her death, she was working on a book. This book could be very important because of its subject matter. Ms. Mowlam is posthumously calling for the LEGALISATION OF ALL DRUGS!

She always had strong opinions on drugs and was the first cabinet minister in the UK to admit to smoking weed. And unlike Big Bill Clinton, she wasn’t afraid to inhale (or at least admit to it!).

Ms. Mowlam’s husband says he will complete the book and ready it for publication at some point in the near future. I can’t promise it will change the tone of the debate on drugs, but Mo Mowlam was very well respected and known for her intellect. Perhaps this might open the debate up even more!

Goodbye Mo, you were a true original and will be missed by many people. If there’s a public memorial for you, this hippy would be tempted to attend.

See, it’s not all doom and gloom with the hippy. Sometimes, I do give a shit about real things. Now if only I could have a 12 hour nap!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

This is a flying hippy-visit.

I debated making an entry all night, but after last night’s unbridled egotism, I thought I should hold off and let the dust settle. With 45 mins left before I can jump in the car, I reconsidered and here I am. Lucky you, fuckers!

I’m actually in a good mood, but I can’t tell you why. Well, I could, but I shouldn’t. So I won’t. But I will hint a bit…

Someone’s interested in one of my weird and wacky projects. This someone has access to the cash and resources to make things happen for me. No joke, no shit, this has the potential to be fucking big! Although this exchange has actually been going on for months, the news I received on Friday evening was the most encouraging so far.

When you have nothing, even the tiniest crumb can fill your belly!

Of course, the flip side to that is if you having nothing, then no one can take anything away from you.

Don’t start with the existentialist crap now, you crazy hippy!

Look, all I want is a lot of money to do something creative. Is that too much to ask for?

It has been for the last 42 years, what’s so different about now?

Simple, I haven’t given up. I’m still plugging away with whatever it is I do. Sometimes I’m not really even certain myself. If I didn’t need to work like a fucking dog to pay my bills, I could offer the world so much entertainment. I could offer you laughter, tears, drama, excitement and depictions of graphic sexual conduct.

Sex sells, kids and everyone’s buying! Trust me, I’m a hippy, I know.

You all have a part to play in this. You need to be sending me your good vibes and good drugs. Especially your good drugs. No, wait, especially your good vibes, I’ve already got good drugs.

2005 remains the year of the hippy. This hippy, dammit! Something good will happen even if I have to kill someone to make it happen!

Killing people is easy, it’s the NOT killing them that takes the effort. If you’ve ever driven in central London, you’ll know exactly what I mean.

Until next time, my beloved fuckers….stay cool, stay high, stay hippyfans eternally!

Friday, August 19, 2005

I don’t know why I’ve logged into Blogger. I wasn’t really planning on visiting this evening. I’ve got nothing new or entertaining to say…

Bullshit…everything I say is entertaining. I bet you’re laughing already!

Maybe not.

So I’m at work, bored, sober and counting the hours until I can go home. Right now, I’m less than 4 hours away from blast off. And counting. And counting. And counting…

You get the idea.

I’m finding work particularly gruelling this month, mainly because every week I work Thurs-Sunday nights. I forgot what a weekend even is, though I won’t be complaining come September, when I get paid heaps of cash!

“Heaps” is a relative concept, but I’ll take what I can get.

The real question plaguing this hippy is how much longer can I continue to be shift-machine? I don’t have an answer.

I need to be doing something else, but I don’t know what. I need an income, so I’ll just keep doing this for now.

Mrs. Hippy’s latest plan for our future is to buy a B&B somewhere in the UK and run it. I could do and maybe still have time to write as well. It’s a thought!

There’s got to be something this hippy can do to make 50K or more every year that doesn’t involve staying up all night, 4 times a week! Suggestions on a postcard, please!

What I do need is an agent, someone with the imagination and foresight, who would recognise my immense potential and guide me through making millions of pounds as the one true genius of the 21st century.

You’re pushing it, hippy!

But wait, perhaps you could be that agent! Are you based in London? Do you want to make 10% on everything I do? Can you pimp my hippy-ass out to the highest media punter? If the answer is “yes”, please get in touch. We can do some business; I’ve got stuff all set and ready to go! Let’s get filthy rich together!

And don’t forget about the whores! They’ll be loads of whores too, and hard drugs and hand guns. It will be like the northlondonhippy’s nastiest wetdream and you can be a part of it!

2005 is still the year of the hippy! At least until 1st January 2006 and then, well and then I might extend the year of the hippy a bit more. Why not? The year of the hippy is good for everyone. Even you. Especially you! The better I do, the better the entire world does.

How about this? Imagine the overall state of the planet was directly linked to my happiness and success. The worse I do, the worse we all do. Conversely, the better I do, the better we all do! Framed like that, don’t you want me to rich, successful and eternally happy?

Of course you do! So now you have to ask yourself: “What have I done to help the hippy today?”

When we all can say “Something significant that brought him one step closer to realising his dreams and ambitions,” then we’ll all be able to sleep easier.

Doesn’t it worry you that someone as unstable as myself is wandering around on the loose, with nothing but street drugs to keep me under control? Well, insure my success as a media whore and that risk and worry will vanish as I’ll always have something to occupy my time!

So there you go, the choice, my friends, is all yours! I’m awaiting your emails, telegrams and cheques. Especially the cheques. Get to it, fuckers, I don’t have all day!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Let’s have a big yipppeee for the hippy! I cracked 3,000 hits today on this blog.

Well, I’m pleased about it, but then I’m easily pleased. The truth is, 18 months along, 3,000 is shit, but I’ll take what I can get.

It’s not that this blog isn’t popular, it’s just so cool and underground, that only the hippest of the hip visit me. Do you know how fucking cool you must be, if you’re one of the vanguard of the internet elite that frequents this blog? It’s time you faced facts, fuckers, you are just too fucking cool!

I was offline at home from Sunday night until Tuesday morning. My ADSL modem blew up. Not literally, but it did stop working. It was a Hermstedt XBridge DSL modem, now it’s just a lump of plastic. Like everything in my life, dealing with it was less than simple.

In trying to troubleshoot my lack of a net connection, I discovered the diagnostic light was lit on my modem. The documentation says if you see this lit, to phone the manufacturer in Germany. So Monday morning, that’s just what I did.

I spoke to a nice guy in Deutschland who’s response to the lit diagnostic light was to say that it meant the internal circuitry was blown and the modem was dead. He didn’t hesitate in telling me this, as if it was what he tells everyone who phones.

A search on the net revealed that is probably true. It turns out they are not very reliable and have a nasty habit of going pop. I bought it from Apple, as it was the only one on their site, that they could recommend. I had to phone Apple next.

Why? Because I bought it from them, which means they have to send me the replacement.

I spoke to someone from the Apple sales team, who wanted an email from the manufacturer, confirming the status of my dead modem, before sending me a new one. The guy in Germany sent the email yesterday, Apple say the new modem won’t come until late next week. That’s what they call priority service.

Also, I have to send the faulty one back to Apple, but at least they will arrange to collect it from me. What a load of shite!

So what was I suppose to do about net access until next week? I’m a well known (???) blogger, my hippyfans depend upon me! I couldn’t wait till then, so I went out and bought a brand new ADSL modem/router!

I went for a Netgear, which came recommended as dependable, reliable and Mac compatible. The set-up wasn’t that simple, but I was up and running within about 10 minutes of starting.

Let’s face it, I didn’t want another one, just like the one that died. It was only 6 months old, I didn’t want to go through all this again! I’m going to get the replacement from Apple and sell it. EBAY here I come!

It will be brand new, in the box, with all the docs, disks and warranty. It shouldn’t be that difficult to shift. So it worked out ok for this hippy in the end. I’ve got a new, better modem, with additional Ethernet ports. I might look into VOIP telephone service. I might do anything, I’m one crazy hippy!

Back to user 3,000….s/he comes from Atlanta, Georgia, USA and visited my page at 12:45GMT today. They found the page through some blog search engine and no doubt had a life changing experience, by reading my words!

Sorry, I just can’t get that excited about 3,000 visitors. I know I should, but it’s like, big whoop and all. Who cares? Can you smell that? It’s the smell of rotting, decomposing, hippy blog.

I’ve toyed with hanging up my hippyhat before, maybe it’s time I faced the facts. Nobody loves me anymore. Here I am, living that hippy life, so you don’t have to, and no one cares. Is it because I’m not shroomtastic anymore? I’m still the biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of and at this rate, probably never will. No one has offered me my own newspaper column or made me drug correspondent for the Guardian or anything diggable like that. I haven’t made so much as a red cent being the hippy.

Actually, it costs me money being the hippy. Do you have any idea what my drug bills are like? And how about all my new electronics, they didn’t come cheap either! But have I asked you for any money? Of course not! I’ve given you heaps of content for free!

I’ve given you my entire life, in cold, brutal, honest, no shying away from the truth, detail! I’ve given you short stories, and jokes aplenty! I even tried to give you my car! I’m one crazy, mad hippy, surely you do love me or at least, lust after me a little bit! I’m hung like a horse and more fun to ride!

Ok, I won’t give up being the hippy just yet. Not today anyway. But I can’t stay the hippy forever, can I?

Monday, August 15, 2005

It’s Sunday night, closer to Monday morning. This hippy is at work, where the pace has been far faster than it has been all weekend. Blame events around the world, lord knows that’s what I’m doing.

A scary plane crash in Greece, VJ day in Japan, nearly a constitution in Iraq and Israel’s about to evict loads of settlers from Gaza – that’s enough to keep any hippy busy.

The plane crash is particularly frightening. Before I went to sleep on Sunday morning, I was watching the news (shocking I know) and it flashed up that the plane, first was in trouble, then crashed. And then there were reports that military jets that intercepted the plane observed no pilot in the cockpit and the co-pilot slumped over in his seat. Yikes!

The theory is that the aircraft somehow lost pressure and oxygen. I HATE flying!

If you want to stay safe, stay home!

Enough about what I’m up to at work. Who really gives a shit? I barely do myself.

The best thing about tonight is it is my last night of this run. Come Monday morning, I’m free for another 84 glorious hours. How many people do you know, keep track of their time off in hours?

If you are normal (and lord I hope you’re not!), you probably work Monday through Friday and get weekends off. No way am I normal and I’m working something like 5 weekends in a row! Yikes!

Don’t envy me for my glamorous media lifestyle, envy me because I have 84 hours off this week! Yippppeee for the hippy!

I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a northlondonhippy podcast. Would you download it? Would you listen to it on your way to work on your ultra-cool iPOD (or other branded MP3 player?) Of course you would!

But would I have enough to fill even ten minutes a week with high quality content? And would I have the time? Doubtful on both counts. I’ll think about it some more!

Sometimes, my plans and expectations exceed my abilities. Certainly, I never have enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do.

You know, I don’t think this blog sucks as much as it has done recently. It’s sucking far less, can you tell? Of course you can! I’m back on my game and you’re all digging it big style!

I’m going to go back to doing whatever it is I do here at work. In the next day or so, I’m hoping to share some good news with you all!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Yo to you, my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike! It’s Saturday night slash Sunday morning and I’m sitting here at my desk, feeling groovy. Can you feel the groove? Can you? Can you? CAN YOU? Fuckers!

I’ve just gotten “nice” with a colleague, how could I not be groovy?

I had a reasonable amount of sleep during the day on Saturday, which always puts me in a good mood. My one complaint is I’m hungry, but since being poisoned by the food from the staff canteen, I don’t really have any options for feeding myself. Until I leave. I’m thinking Krispy Kremes already!

Bad idea. The only shop near me is out of the way, but early Sunday morning traffic (or lack of it) renders that argument pointless. How about the fact that they’re no good for me? Everything I ingest, smoke, eat, drink is no good for me, so that’s not a valid reason either.

Help me here, or I’ll be scarfing a dozen greasy, deep fried delights in a few hours! Help!

The other option is McDonalds, but I don’t really fancy a greasy grease-McMuffin or pancakes or anything else they offer. I should just go home and have a snack there, though I’m still around 4 hours from walking through my front door.

Who knows what this crazy hippy will do? I’m unpredictable as well as being a figure of lust and sexual desire.

Ok, I made that last bit up. But you do fancy me, don’t you? I’m hung like a horse and more fun to ride!

I didn’t make that last bit up. Email me for the photographic proof!

In your dreams!

Dig this fuckers, this hippy has a cool and groovy website for you to check out. CLICK HERE, CLICK NOW! It’s a simple concept, damn simple, but evocative and effective. It’s an idea I wish I’d thought of, that’s how good I think it is.

This artist solicited people’s secrets, anonymously, through the post via simple postcards. He’s received thousands and selections appear on his website. I defy you not to be moved by some of them. And if the tears flow, don’t blame me!

I don’t often suggest you check out other websites, especially not other blogs, but I think you’ll appreciate it. Trust the hippy!

Whoever said “never trust a hippy” was speaking out of their ass. You can always trust this one. Go on, try me. Email me your credit card details. I promise I won’t use them to purchase anything!

Catch ya next time, fuckers!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Welcome to the one and only, world famous northlondonhippy blog! How fucking cool are you for hanging out here?

Sure, you could waste your time surfing porn sites or researching your family history, but instead you’ve elected to “chill out with the hippy”! Well done you for having the sort of discerning taste that leads you straight into my world!

And what a world it is! You have no idea!

I’m not shroomtastic anymore, thanks to the UK government banning my favourite, beloved magic mushrooms, but everything else about me is still the same. I’m not just getting older, I’m getting better (and fatter, and balder and shorter)! Fuckers!

As I write, I’m sipping a fresh, vanilla flavoured cappuccino. Yum. And you know, vanilla is the finest of the flavours. Ten points if you can name the band that wrote that lyric. Here’s another hint “…have a drumstick and your brain starts ticking.”

It’s Friday night, well really Saturday morning at 0140bst. I’m at work. It’s not very exciting. It rarely is. That’s why I’m so enthusiastic about my coffee. I’ve got fuck all else to think about. Hopefully, I’ll be getting nice soon. I need to be nice all the time. Do you get nice? I bet you do!

Tonight saw the end of Big Brother 6 here in the UK. As a fan, I’m sorry to see it go, though it does mean I get hours and hours a week of my life back. That’s the thing about BB, it eats up time like termites chew wood.

The final week of BB is usually quite anti-climactic and this year was no exception. With the exception of a couple of fun moments, the final week sucked. And who really cares who actually won the money anyway?

I will miss it, I always miss it, but I have next summer to look forward to when they crank it up again for the next series.

How sad am I? Don’t answer that, or I might cry. Boo-fucking-hoo.

All of our lives are meaningless and empty, the only difference is some of us can disguise this fact better than others. Your life sucks, you just don’t know it yet. Don’t worry, mine does too, everyone’s does – it’s just to what degree.

If you’re really rich, your life probably doesn’t suck as much as some poor homeless guy. Everyone’s life sucks in its own unique way. At least you’re special. We’re all special.

Do I equate money with happiness? Doesn’t everyone?

There’s an old joke that says “life is a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.” Makes sense to me.

This hippy says, they can’t take away from you, what you don’t have. Less is more, simple is the new complex!

I wish it was different. I wish I could tell you life wasn’t utterly pointless and didn’t suck, but what’s my one and only promise, nee sworn oath to my hippyfans? That I always tell the truth!

The truth is, life really does suck, it goes too quickly and before you know it, you’re worm food. Here’s hoping we all can keep the worms hungry for a long time to come!

God, I’m a real downer. Help cheer up the hippy, send me all your good drugs right now! Please!

Monday, August 08, 2005

The very first drug I ever abused was alcohol.

I was around 13 or 14 years old, at a party at a friend’s house and we raided his parent’s liquor cabinet. We were quite clever about it, we took some from every bottle, so the levels went down around an inch per spirit. We mixed it up with some orange juice and took turns drinking it down until we were nice and pissed.

I have vague memories of us all running around outside, in my friend’s back yard. There was much laughing and giggling and at least one of us blew his cookies. No, it wasn’t me.

The strongest memory of that day was this:

One of the kids caught a toad and tried to make it explode by putting a lit cigarette in its mouth. When that didn’t work, he replaced it with a firecracker, which he lit in the toad’s mouth, then threw it up in the air. The toad exploded and showered the ground with blood and gore. Yuck.

No, I don’t advocate cruelty to animals. This hippy loves all creatures, especially the little piggies, because they taste so damn good! Kids are cruel to animals, it’s just the way of the world.

I probably drank more heavily and often between the ages of 14-19 than any other time in my life. Booze was controlled back then, just like it is now, yet we were still able to get some just about any night.

By far the easiest and cheapest way to get it, was as I described above. If your parents kept a well-stocked bar, it was easy to steal a little bit from every bottle and have it not be noticed. My friends and I did this so often that we began to call our concoctions “bug juice” because of the nasty green colour it would take on, when it was all mixed together. Creme de Menthe always insured that.

Drug abuse is normal and most kids go through this phase. If you don’t think alcohol is drug, you’re deluded. It’s actually one of the nastiest drugs around, but since it is legal, we just accept all the shitty side effects and the high cost society pays for it’s widespread abuse.

I would swap booze’s legality for smack any day. Smack’s far easier on the system, it’s only real draw back is it’s highly addictive nature.

Tobacco’s also very addictive and legal and it doesn’t even get you high. Damn, this world is ass-backwards.

I’m sick to death of my morality being legislated by the geekiest of the uncool. To be a politician today, means never having any fun. You stay sober, marry young, squirt out some kids and live a dull, purposeless life. Cool people don’t go into politics, they become full time hippies and media whores! Maybe that’s just me.

Big Bill Clinton was reasonably cool. He liked a good blow job and probably still does. He lied about smoking dope, or at least inhaling it, which was about as lame a cover story as could be!

I read an interview will Big Bill, not long after he left the big office. He was asked about legalising weed and do you know what he said? He said it would be a good thing!

Now why in the name of the mother of fuck didn’t he say this while he was in office and could do something about it? Simple: It’s too controversial!

What a load of shite!

Gimme my legal weed. Gimme my legal weed now! Gimme my goddamn legal weed right fucking NOW!!!

My mother had an expression, which I will paraphrase here and now. I’ve probably quoted her on this one before, but it’s so good I’ll do it again. Here it is:

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other. Then see which one gets filled first.”

Wise words, from a wise woman.

Of course, I wish that weed was legal. I also wish that informal social greetings from hot women involved casual oral sex. I wish for a lot of things. World peace would be nice too.

We’re a planet full of idiots. We’re all off to hell in a handbasket. Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em kids.

Suppose, for the sake of my badly constructed argument that the planet earth went up in a puff of smoke tomorrow. Would it really make any difference to the fate and future of the universe? Of course it bloody wouldn’t!

Our insignificance is only dwarfed by our ability to ignore it. We think we’re so unique, so important. We’re not. We’re only part of the flora and fauna, which by the way, we are destroying at an alarming rate.

Believe it or not, but some day, in the future, the human race will cease to exist. Maybe in your lifetime, maybe in mine, maybe not for another 1000 years, but the day will come. And when it does, god will simply sigh and say “so fucking what?”

As if there’s a god! Don’t get me started. There’s better fairy stories than the bible to be had anyway.

You see, that’s my real problem. I’m completely godless. I have no faith, not in me, in you, in anything or anyone. I’m rarely disappointed though.

All I believe in is “the here and now”, and even with that I’m not so sure. Perhaps it’s all one big hallucination. Maybe I don’t exist. If only….!

I think, therefore I bore.

Christ, this is like vintage hippy, like back when I gave a shit and let my mind meander all over the place. From booze, to drugs, to politicians to the end of civilisation as we know it and the lack of a god-like figure running the universe, I’ve really been all over the place!

Did I:

- Make you laugh?
- Make you think?
- Make you wish you were a hippy too?

Great, then my work here is done.

Catch ya next time my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Hey hey. Its Friday night, nearly midnight. Yup.

I should be at work, but I’m not. Thanks to a dodgy sandwich, I’m off sick. It came on last night, not long after I ingested said sandwich. It was a toasted ham and cheese, if you must know.

I’ve had chills, shivers, fatigue, aches, pains and barfing. Lots of barfing. Spliff, as always, has been the only helpful remedy.

I’m feeling a bit better tonight, and had some oatmeal a little while ago, which seems to be sitting fairly well. I’m drinking lots of fluids too.

I woke up in time to watch Big Brother. It was the last proper eviction, before next week's final. Derek Laud, the gay, Tory guy finally got booted out. His eviction was surprisingly entertaining, but the real shock was the reception given to him by the crowd. It was overwhelmingly warm. Go figure.

I’m writing on my little iBook, on my sofa. This wireless computing thing is dead cool. I installed the additional RAM the other day. All went well, except for the replacing of the keyboard. It’s back on securely, but I lost the little locking screw. Don’t ask. Mainly, everything works and nothing is loose. It’s fine as long as I never have to get inside it ever again!

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I’ve been letting my hair grow. Its down to my shoulders already and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll let it go. You might even say I nearly look like a hippy for real these days.

With 2005 being the year of the hippy and all, I let it grow for all of my expected personal appearances. To date, I haven’t made a single one. Doesn’t anyone want to book me for anything? I’ll do private parties, MC regional beauty pageants, open used car lots, supermarkets, headshops, you name it!

What I really should have is my own column in a newspaper. I’d love to be the Guardian’s drug correspondent. I could review all the latest new pills and things. “I give this ‘E’ 3 stars! Speedballs….a weekend rush or a one-way ticket to Belushi-ville?”

And you’d all have an address to send me your homegrown weed. I reckon that enough of you grow enough skunky bud at home that you could all send me one bud a week and keep me very high all the time. How fucking cool would that be?

I could take monthly trips to Amsterdam to report on the scene, from the front line of commercial cannabis consumption. Say that three times, real fast!

Big up and loud shout out to “stolie” who was hip enough to leave some very cool comments for this hippy. When I drink vodka, Stolie is my brand, though I don’t know if you actually distill any yourself. If you do, send me a couple of cases, I especially like the vanilla flavoured version!

It’s hippyfans like “stolie” who make this blog worthwhile. I do it all for my hippyfans, I exist only to entertain and amuse you all. Make you laugh and make you think, is one of my clever catch phrases!

Remember, I’m living that hippy life, so you don’t have to! I’m the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of, but not for long! 2005 is the year of the hippy!

And if you’re a long time hippyfan, then fantastic! But if you’re a first time visitor, let me welcome you to the number one blog on the internet for nutters and the mentally unstable!

Whether you got here from Google or some other crazy, mad route, well done you for finding one of the coolest, most happening websites on the planet! Now that you’re here, make sure you bookmark the hippy or even better grab the RSS feed. That way you don’t have to come to the hippy, you can make the hippy come to you!

It’s not that this blog isn’t popular, but the audience I have is quite discerning and select. They know a damn good thing when they find it! I prefer to see it as being “underground”, but then I smoke a lot of really good dope, all the time!

Even right now, I’m having more fun than you. I have more fun than everyone!

And yes, I am stoned right now. Want a puff? Of course you do!

Monday, August 01, 2005

If this blog sucked any more, I’d need knee pads and twenty quid from each and every one of you!

Sure, there’s laughs, jokes aplenty and me, the real attraction, but I don’t think I’m hitting the high notes I used to hit. The hippy is a mad lefty-liberal, with the odd conservative spin. Yes, I love drugs and drugs love me, but is that enough to keep this blog going?

Of course it is, my beloved fuckers! When you come to this blog you expect me to maintain my very high standards of amusement and thought-provoking discourse. I deliver all that in spades.

Maybe this blog doesn’t suck so much after all!

It’s my last night of this run, roll on Monday morning. I’m exhausted tonight, but not for lack of trying to sleep. My scummy neighbours started with the blaring stereo at 9:30am and it continued all day and all night. They are young, probably students and when I get my flame thrower, I’m going to torch all of them, plus their stereo!

Look man, when you work nights, you need to sleep during the day, but you can’t tell people they need to be quiet just for you. It won’t make you very popular with your neighbours. Killing them all is the easier option, but then that’s true of most problems!

I’ve got exciting plans for my 84 hours of freedom this week. I’m going to install the extra RAM in my iBook (est time 5 minutes), I’m going to visit a mate of mine tomorrow morning, who’s SCORED SOME WEED for me. Yippppeee to that fuckers! And I might brave the terrorists and meet my younger for lunch on Wednesday, though we’ve been trying to do this for the last couple of weeks without much success.

If I do make it into central London on Weds, I’m planning a stroll up Charing Cross Road to visit some guitar shops. Why? Simple, I want to buy one of THESE.

Go on, click on the link!

Didn’t bother, then I’ll tell you, it’s a Hofner Travel Guitar. I want one because it is small, portable and well reviewed as very playable with a decent sound. And the best part, they sell for between 75-90 quid. It’s a bargain and a half!

Basically, I want it to practise on and it’s light weight and small size means it will be handy to play. I can sit on the sofa, watch TV and run scales. I could even bring it to work and practise and I could take it away with me on trips. If I can find a small USB adaptor, I’ll pick that up as well, as it would be useful again for travelling.

I’ve also got a stack of books at home for expanding my musical knowledge. Yes, I’m old, but I’d still like to learn more and improve my skills. All I really need is some time, but with the tiny-town guitar, I could make more time.

If I can’t find one at a reasonable price on CC Road, there are several internet options for ordering one. Either way, I’m hoping I’ll have one fairly soon.
If I don’t go into town on Weds, my back-up plan is to shroom my sox off. That is, assuming what I have left has any potency left. It very well could be spent already, but I won’t know until I ingest some.

Either way, I’m going to have some fun on Weds!

I’ve had a chance to peruse some of Monday’s newspapers and the Times is reporting that a third suicide bombing cell is poised to strike, maybe this week. I’m not convinced, but I’m hardly an expert. Actually, I’m probably just hoping their wrong. London’s seen enough fun already this summer. I’ve had enough and so has everyone else.

Ok, maybe this blog has become shit, but you’re all still reading it and for that I thank you. Remember, I’m still “living that hippy life, so you don’t have to!” See ya next time my beloved hippyfans and fuckers!

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