VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Friday, September 30, 2005

When you’re craving a little hippy, there IS only one place on the world-wide-web to come to satisfy that aching, craving, desire…and that’s right the fuck here! If rampant drug use and unnecessary swearing are your thing too, I am the hippy of your dreams!

I’ve got Friday and Saturday nights off! How fucking lucky am I? For the last couple of months, I’ve worked so many weekends that I’ve lost count. I’m back on Sunday night, but so what? I can chill on the nights that matter.

It’s not like I’ve got any plans as such, but it will still be cool to be around. I’m working on scoring some weed from a less than direct source, so that may take up some of my time as well. I’m also hoping my P.E.P. pills can be delivered on Saturday. I might even test drive them, if they do!

Naturally, you’ll get a full report when I do. Legal highs are the future, just as long as we can get cannabis into that category! My goal is to keep you all up-to-date on the latest substances!

I was hoping to have something important or entertaining to share with you. You know, some worthy fact, or joke that would inform or entertain or both.

Guess what? I got nada.

Ok, here’s an old joke:

Did you hear about the guy with the 2-inch cock?

He went home with this woman one night for a little sex and when they undressed, she looked at his teeny weeny and said “Who do you think you’re going to satisfy with that?”

And the guy looked her in the eyes, smiled and said in reply; “me”.

Well, it made me laugh the first time I heard it. What do I know, I laugh at passing funeral processions!

Why does that joke make me think of death? Ummm, I think it’s nearly a year since an old friend of mine, who used to tell it often, died. I mentioned it at the time. He was 50 and a cokehead. He dropped dead of a heart attack suddenly and without warning.

Ho hum.

Stay away from cocaine, fuckers. It’s seriously bad shit. And yes, even though I genuinely believe that, I would still make it legal.

All drugs should be legal! We’re adults, let us decide what we ingest. And give the poor people of Bolivia and Colombia a fighting chance! Let them market their most popular and in-demand product properly! Don’t leave it to nasty, violent criminals and narco-terroristes.

And think of the poor drug mules. Yes, the poor drug mules, who should be pitied and not jailed. It’s only out of desperation that they swallow condoms full of charlie, not greed. And feel sorry for the mules that die because the condoms rupture and they get poisoned. It happens more than you might think. If the mark-up on this shit wasn't so high, people wouldn't be risking their lives to move it around the world!

If coke was legal, it wouldn’t be in the realm of criminals. It would be no different from imported fruit, though it would make you talk utter shit a lot more.

Check out this interesting article from Pravda, of all places.

One man’s banned substance is another man’s cash crop!

Life’s way too short to be dicking around with such silly things. People like to get high, it’s only natural. Why limit your options to just booze? Because it’s legal? That’s not a good enough reason!

When you were a child, did you ever spin around just to feel dizzy, then fall to the ground, laughing? I’m sure you didn’t realise at the time, but what you were doing was altering your state of consciousness. That’s what drugs do.

It’s inherent in the human condition that we seek out ways to fuck with our own minds. Life is bleak and dreary, drugs and alcohol can help to mask or avoid this sad truth. There’s nothing wrong with escaping occasionally into a world where the colours are brighter, the music is crisper and you’re off your face.

It’s a place I aim to be, whenever possible! Next time I’m there, I’ll send you all a postcard from edge!

Like if I get those P.E.P. pills delivered on Saturday, perhaps I’ll do a little blogging while I’m under the influence. You think I talk shit now, wait till I’m herbal-highed up to the gills! Look out, fuckers!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

How about a yipppeee and a yo? I’m in that kind of mood.

Right here, right now, it’s 5:35am and I’m wide awake. I’m also at work, where I will remain for just under 2 more hours. To say I’ve had a dull night would be an understatement of enormous proportions. If it was any deader here, I’d have to turn the aircon way down, just to prevent our corpses from rotting.

Now there’s a pretty mental image.

I’m in a better mood tonight, but that’s down to getting a reasonable amount of sleep on Wednesday and eating a decent meal this evening. I even ate some green, crispy stuff which you might know by the name of “lettuce”. I think it’s a vegetable, but I’m not sure. I don’t eat too many green things.

Mainly, just the green M&Ms…and you know what they do to you, don’t you? They make you horny. Me so horny, me love you long time!

Ok, so far this is just stream of consciousness drivel. There’s a reason for that. I’ve got nothing planned for this entry. I’m just going to babble like a motherfucker and hope some of my genius somehow seeps out.

For a dyed in the wool pessimist, I sure do sound optimistic sometimes!

They say it’s difficult to conceal genius, but I’ve managed to pull it off for over 42 fun-filled years. No one I know has even the slightest suspicion that I’m even remotely clever. It’s easier to hide than you think.

Ah-hem.

So are we having fun yet? Have I amused, entertained or informed you? No. Ok, then I’ll just keep writing until I do, dammit!

No hippylinks tonight. I’ve been through the newspapers and they were all pretty dull. There’s a report in today’s Times that says Osama bin Laden applied for political asylum here in Blighty in the mid-90s, but so what? He didn’t get it, but lots of other mad mullahs did. They’re rounding them all up these days and deporting, or so it seems. Again, so what?

The Guardian’s lead is a vague warning from some cop, who says Londoners should expect another terrorist attack. Of course, he doesn’t know when, where or by whom, so it’s pretty meaningless as well.

The sky may fall on your head. I don’t know when or where or who will cause it, but it might happen. And I might win the lottery, if I can pick those six lucky numbers the same time the funny machine with the numbered ping-pong balls does.

For fuck’s sake, stop scaring us. We know we’re all going to hell in a handbasket, do we need constant reminding.

Like that NASA study this week, which says that the arctic ice caps are melting at an alarming rate. So what? Do we really need to know this?

Nothing lasts forever kids, especially not a race as self-destructive as us human beings. We’re using up all the resources of the planet as quickly as we can and only leaving a mess in our wake.

So fucking what? Are we so great that we need preserving? I very much think not.

Ok, so I’ve informed you a little. Now we’re getting somewhere. And you know, I’m always entertaining and amusing…certainly something I said has made you laugh? Maybe I should post a photo of myself…that would get you giggling!

As if! I’m anonymous forever. This is one hippy who’s happy to hide behind his secret internet identity!

Enough already, hippy. Don’t you dare come back until you have something important to say!

You fuckers could be in for one long-assed wait!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I’m back, who missed me?

All of you, of course! I’m very missable!

Do you pine for hippies? Or just this hippy?

Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal to have feelings of desire and lust for me. Being unobtainable only makes you want me more!

I’m at work, blah, blah, but I caught an article online that was just crying out to be a hippylink:

It seems that societies with strong beliefs in a god-like figure, are the most fucked up of all!

I can’t expect this is surprising very many of you. Of course, believing in god is detrimental to a society. It’s even worse for the individual. Have you ever spent any time in the company of a fully paid-up member of the god-squad? It’s fucking scary!

I don’t believe in god and won’t do until I get a turn at being god.

I want to be your god. I’ll be as good as the current one, I’ll answer all your prayers just as often.

Actually, I'd be better since I'd use my considerable powers to improve everyone's life. Let me see your god do that!

Here’s a quick quote from the article, which sums it up nicely:

“According to the study, belief in and worship of God are not only unnecessary for a healthy society but may actually contribute to social problems. The study counters the view of believers that religion is necessary to provide the moral and ethical foundations of a healthy society. “

Believing in god is unnecessary. I’ll second that!

Believe in yourself. Be good and do good, not because of make-believe rewards in a non-existent afterlife. Be good and do good, because you want to be a better person!

Think about it. Suppose everyone on the planet did one nice thing for someone else every day. Wouldn’t it make the world a better place? Certainly it would be better than trying to tell people how to live their lives. Live your own life, as best you can and that will be the greatest reward.

I don’t mean to sound like those “random acts of kindness” people, though on paper it sounds like a good idea. I live my life to my own code of conduct and I hold myself up to a pretty high standard. I try to be the best person I can be, though I'm rarely successful.

At least I try.

I expect this study will raise a few hairs on the backs of the necks of all sorts of unpleasant religious types. That’s the thing about the religious, they are the least tolerant on the planet. Do it god’s way or go to hell!

To me, hell sounds like the place to be anyway, if there is an afterlife. All the really cool people will be there, including and especially me!

If there is a hell and I end up there, my plan is to collaborate with the devil. I’m sure he’d have some sort of cool job for me. I’m very good at corrupting others. It’s one of my more finely honed skills. Satan could use a hippy like me!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Yep, here I am. Where the hell else would I be?

Welcome to hippy Tuesday, where all the drugs are free and the women are easy.

Not getting either? Have a word with your dealer and all the women you know! Tell ‘em the hippy says it’s hippy Tuesday, then they’ll start coming across with the goods!

If only life were that simple. Life is rarely simple.

I’m back to work tonight and dreading it. Not because of my job, which I could do standing on my head, in the rain, but because I’m tired already and I’m going to be continuously awake for around 20 more hours!

Don’t envy me for my glamorous media lifestyle; envy me because I’ll probably see an early grave!

I’m really run-down at the moment and I’m not enjoying it. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks. Last night was no exception; I had around 4-5 hours of continuous shut-eye. It’s not enough.

What’s worse is one of my eyes feels like someone put sandpaper in it. I don’t know if I scratched it in my sleep or I have some sort of eye infection, both can feel the same. I’m blind as a fucking bat and this means I can’t put my contact lenses in. That sucks, as I don’t see nearly as well with my eyeglasses.

And yes, I have to drive to work tonight!

My brother returned from the states this morning. I’m waiting for him to come and collect his dog and cat. I don’t know when he is coming, so I can’t climb back into bed for a nap. Unless he comes soon, in which case I can. He won’t come soon!

Don’t worry, this hippy will survive all of this. I’m hardcore!

You may have noticed a new link on my page, to the BOB 2005 awards. Do you wanna know why? Because my entry has been accepted! I’m now officially up for consideration for the “Best blog of the year award”!

I know, I couldn’t believe it either. Ok, I did self-nominate, but only the once. It’s stll an honour to be listed and I would like to thank all the other blogs. And god. And you, my beloved hippyfans, for making this blog the most underground, happening place for free thought on the internet!

Well, it is limited to my free thoughts, though comments, as always are very welcome!

I won’t deny it, I want to win. I also know I don’t have a chance.

I’m sure the judges all possess a keen critical eye and excellent taste, but I know I would be just too controversial a selection. What with all the free thought, rampant drug use and unnecessary swearing, I don’t have a fucking hope in hell!

Who knows, maybe they will surprise me? It could happen! Anything can happen, if you just expect the unexpected!

I’ve put together a small order on EDIT, which I will be placing later this week. In my basket is a bong (which I may delete. Do I really need one?), plus some of the smart drugs I mentioned a couple of entries ago. Specifically the P.E.P. pills (Love and Twisted), plus Divine and Dionysys. Expect full trip reports in the near future. If you want to know more about these cool new, legal pills, scroll down for links to all them, plus a few more!

And you know how I’m always slagging off alcohol as being as nasty drug…? Nastier than most of the illegal ones, for sure! Well, here’s some proof from my favourite newspaper, the Guardian. Women have about a one in three chance of being assaulted when they are drunk!

And they get in more fights and have more troubles with the police than men, all because of booze. Yet booze isn’t just legal, drinking heavily is positively encouraged. I don’t get it, myself. Do you?

When have you ever heard of someone smoking a joint and having a fight? Or doing something violent that involves the police? I’ve had cops tell me they’d rather police an estate with cannabis users than with drunks on it. Weed makes you peaceful, come chill with this hippy sometime!

All this talk about weed makes me think I should spark up a spliff. I don’t go to work for hours yet, so why not?

Monday, September 26, 2005

Why, it was only yesterday that this hippy mentioned the desire to extend my reach into mainland China and what do you know? My favourite newspaper, the Guardian, has this as it’s lead international item today.

The Chinese need this hippy more now, than ever! If they are cracking down on their domestic dissidents like this, surely a certain north London-based hippy should be given a free hand to free their minds!

So I’ll ask again, do any of my beloved and loyal hippyfans know how I can translate my entire archive into Mandarin and make it available to all those potential Chinese hippyfans in waiting? They need to read what I’ve got to say!

People of China! Welcome to the wild, wacky and wonderful, northlondonhippy blog! Well done you, especially, for finding the most happening source of independent thought on the internet! You posses keen critical skills and certainly can spot something good when you see it! This is the intelligensia underground!

First of all, thank you for all the inexpensive goods you produce. If it wasn’t for your low hourly wages and willingness to work 18 hours a day from the age of 8, I wouldn’t have all these great electronics and sporty trainers.

Also, thank you so much for Peking Duck, or should I say Beijing Duck. It’s one of my favourite foods.

Also thank you for gunpowder and pasta, especially the gunpowder as we couldn’t have so many profitable wars without it!

With all that out of the way, I can now move onto more important matters. Your government doesn’t know dick. Don’t worry, neither does anyone else’s, so you are not alone.

Your leaders aren’t changing with the times quickly enough. Sure they have Hong Kong, Shenzen and now Shanghai, but what about the rest of you, with your near feudal economies?

And what’s with the killing of baby girls? Who are all these male children going to marry when they grow up? There was a documentary on tv recently that dealt with this issue and it said statistically all you Chinese boys have little or no chance of finding a mate.

This might help you. I see adverts in the back of magazines all the time which say Thai women make wonderful brides. It’s a thought! Tell them to pack their ping pong balls, they play it a bit differently from the way the Chinese do!

And what about Taiwan? There sure is a lot of tough talk and threats, but how about finding a peaceful solution so both “countries” (see, China, I showed you some respect with the quotation marks!) can co-exist in harmony.

It’s time for both sides to put their pride aside and deal with this like mature, intelligent grown-ups. A little loss of face from both of you and things could be groovy. And just think of the expanded trade opportunities! Money, money, MONEY!

If this entry doesn’t get me banned in China, than I don’t know what will? Just to make sure, here are a couple of words that will never get past the official government firewalls!

Falun Gong. AKA Falun Dafa.

Those of you outside of China, please put those terms into Google and see what I’m talking about. If you’re in China already and really did get to this page, you’ll know what it is already!

So yeah, fuckers! I need to be let loose in China. Give me the chance and I could change the world, for the better!

Now for some drug news, also from the Guardian, my favourite lefty-liberal newpaper. Twenty-five soldiers are about to be dismissed by the military for testing positive for illegal drugs.

Here’s what one of the commanding officers said about the men involved: "They were good soldiers who had served with distinction. But our line is zero tolerance. One puff is enough to produce a positive result." Good soldiers, serving with distinction, but one puff is enough to destroy their careers.

Does anyone else see the inherent stupidity in this or is it just me?

The military is very stretched at the moment, at home and abroad. Recruitment must be down, since everyone knows if they join, they’ll get sent to a warzone, so can we really afford to let anyone go right now, especially because they had a smoke, or a pill or a little toot? It beggars fucking belief.

I’m sorry, guys, but you didn’t deserve this. You were willing to put your lives on the line for queen and country and this is how they thank you. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of work to be had in private security, especially if you’re willing to go to Iraq. I doubt they’ll care what’s in your pee-pee then!

I rarely find other blogs that catch my attention, but I saw a link to THIS ONE in a Sunday newspaper yesterday that I thought was interesting reading.

It’s written by serving policeman and he shares his frustrations about the job. I actually have a lot of respect for cops and the work they do. That may surprise you, but it shouldn’t.

My issues are with some of the laws regarding drugs that they have to enforce. I’ve spoken to cops who actually agree with me, regarding the need to change our drugs policies. I expect most agree that it is a pointless exercise in futility, but can’t share those views publicly.

Some policemen have spoken these truths and have had attacks against them both professionally and personally. Stick “Brian Paddick” into Google if you wish to read about a London cop with progressive views who suffered slings and arrows as a result of them!

I hope this particular "copper" doesn't mind a hippy endorsement. I agree with a lot of what he says and I would hope he would agree with some of my philosophy as well. If it was up to me, his job would be a lot easier and he could concetrate on the real criminals, out there committing genuine crimes!

I dream of a day when drug laws make sense and decent, hard working hippies like myself can stroll purposefully to my nearest cannabis café, order something strong and skunky, plus a cappuccino, then sit down, skin-up and enjoy!

It works well in Holland, it could work well here! Please!

A hippy can dream. And where would we be without our dreams?

Awake!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

It’s Sunday morning, ridiculously early. It’s quite dark and grey, but that’s more to do with the weather than the hour.

I’ve been awake since quarter to six in the morning. Lucky me. I’ve been keeping odd hours this week, I don’t know why. Last night I was asleep by 11pm, so I did have 7 hours of semi-consciousness. I don’t feel too bad, I just had a nice strong cup of coffee.

Part of the reason I’ve been up early this week is down to my younger brother’s dog, who is staying with me at the moment. He’s about 15 years old, but you wouldn’t know it to look at him. He’s still a spry pup really. He needs to be let out or walked first thing in the morning, which means I need to be awake to do it.

He’s actually a great dog, friendly, well-behaved and great with cats. I’ve got four of those in the house right now too. Three of them are mine, the fourth is my brother’s. My brother’s dog and cat are best friends and they are getting on with my three fairly well too.

My devil-kitten and my brother’s cat have been playing together loads. It’s actually calmed the little diablo down a bit and made me think I should get another younger cat for her to play with.

What is this? Cuddly fucking animal hour?

Shouldn’t I be swearing unnecessarily and boasting of my drug intake? This is the northlondonhippy blog, dammit. Resume normal service! Resume normal service!

Ok, I was thinking this morning that I somehow have to figure out a way to translate my entire blog into Mandarin and make it all accessible in China.

Why? Because now or in the near future, Mandarin will be the most popular language on the internet. As I’m constantly seeking popularity, this seems like a logical move.

So how do I translate my entire blog into Mandarin and make it accessible in a country known for its repressive censorship?

I don’t know either, but I would surely like to find out!

So if you know how to accomplish this, you would be doing our friends in mainland China a huge favour! Don’t you think they would benefit from having a little hippy in their otherwise bleak and dreary existences? Of course they would! Just like you do!

You do, don’t know? Where would you be without the hippy? It doesn’t even bear thinking about!

Don’t worry, fuckers, I’m not going anywhere, except to China!

I’ve been checking out some new drugs, kids. Legal ones actually, because this hippy doesn’t like to break the law! Unless I need to, which is less and less as I get older. And balder and fatter.

I’m going to be ordering some of these new drugs in the very near future and test-driving them just for you! Remember, I’m living that hippy life, so you don’t have to!

Ok, down to the nitty-gritty. Since the UK government banned the sale of fresh (and safe) magic mushrooms, people are looking for legal alternatives.

Some people are probably still seeking illegal alternatives as well, including shrooms. The market was way too big to disappear overnight, so I’m sure they are available underground, if you have the right connections. For the record, I don’t, but then I haven’t even tried to find any since the ban anyway.

The drugs I’m talking about are called “smart drugs” and are usually a mix of herbs, extracts and other legal compounds, which approximate the effects of other substances. They’re sometimes referred to as “harm minimalisation solutions” which is wank speak for the ingredients aren’t illegal yet.

The first drug that caught my eye, called “PURPLE OHMS”, sound like they would work. Two of the major components are naturally occurring forms of LSA, which is very similar to LSD, which should make them trippy as fuck! I’ve seen them listed on other websites and they all say they are strong. This hippy needs to find out for himself!

P.E.P Pills are another one that’s recently popped up on some of my favourite headshop websites. The “Love” and “Twisted” ones both appeal to me, so I might give them a try. As they are on some very reputable sites, I think these are probably worthy of my time as well. They don’t list the ingredients, which is of some concern, but I’m sure they will be on the packaging. Always check what you are taking and make sure you don’t take anything that could cause you harm! You can’t do that with street drugs!

These two, DIONYSOS and DIVINE both sound interesting as well and are also sold on my favourite headshop site, EDIT. I can’t recommend EDIT enough, they are always a pleasure to shop with. If they sell it, it’s probably worth having! I’d like to give these two a try as well.

You know, it was on the EDIT forums that the northlondonhippy persona was born. But don’t blame them, it was all my doing!

The other ones that interest me are called NXT PHASE Herbal Highs, and they come in a variety. I’ve seen them around before and they are also Dutch. In the interests of fairness, I suppose I should give them a go as well!

The problem is that the bar is set quite high (no pun intended) when it comes to legal drugs. That’s only because my beloved shrooms were so damn effective and enjoyable!

Here’s the thing, not everyone is as switched-on as this hippy. Like I need to tell you that!

Instead of seeking out legal alternatives, as I’m doing, they are probably going for the easy options, like MDMA and cocaine, neither of which are particularly good for you. The real shame is that you don’t have a free choice in the matter. Well you do, but some choices carry more potential penalties than others.

Of course, you could choose the most evil drug of all, alcohol. It’s legal, easy to get and nasty! You want side effects, how does dizziness, sloppiness and a loss of inhibitions sound? Ever wake up next to someone you wouldn’t so much as look at sober? Blame booze!

Spliff should be legal, but then so should everything else. The government here in the UK has practically admitted the war on drugs is a total failure. THIS ARTICLE isn’t the one I was looking for, but it’s close enough.

Gosh, I’ve written a lot this morning, must be because of that strong cup of fresh coffee I drank! You see, some stimulants aren’t just tolerated, they are positively encouraged! Or don’t you get coffee breaks where you work?

Friday, September 23, 2005

Hey ho fuckers!

I’ve just suggested myself for BOB award. It had to be done. It’s not like one of you; my beloved hippyfans would have done it. You’re all far too busy, leading your exciting, non-stop rock’n’roll lives!

You really are the coolest!

For those of you who don’t know, the BOB awards are for the best weblogs in the world. It’s run by Deutsche Welle, the German public broadcaster. I entered it last year, but I didn’t win.

Since 2005 is the year of the hippy, I thought I would take another punt. Can you think of another blog more deserving than this one for international praise and acclaim? Of course you can’t!

The prize this year isn’t as important as winning the award, besides I already have an iBook. I guess I wouldn’t mind having a second one!

Dammit, I deserve recognition! I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for you!

I’m sure the BOB judges, with their excellent taste and keen critical judgement, will see the inherent worthiness of this very blog. Love me, love me, LOVE ME!

And even if I don’t win this prestigious award, I know that in all your hearts, I truly am the People’s Blogger.

Hey, check this out:

Reporters Sans Frontieres, also known as “reporters without borders” have published a guide on how to be a blogger and not get caught or executed. It’s useful advice, especially the avoiding execution bit!

Obviously, as your favourite north London based hippy, I don’t have to worry about censorship or thought crimes, but if you’re blogging your life away under some repressive regime, this downloadable booklet just might save your life! Yes, it's that important!

I’ve actually done loads of other writing today, on another project of mine, so I don’t have that much steam left to be the hippy. Sorry if you feel shortchanged, but I’ll be back when I can, when normal service resumes!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Poor Kate Moss.

I mean that. I really do. Just because some bastard took photos of her snorting a line of charlie, she’s screwed. Is this really what the world has come to?

For those of you who don’t know, Kate Moss is a British super-model. You’d recognise her, if you saw her photo. Here, let me provide you with one of my very helpful and useful HIPPYLINKS to a newspaper article. Don’t worry, it’s brief and hits the highlights.

Perhaps you don’t think I should feel badly for someone who makes four million quid a year, just for being a bit pretty, but that’s not how this hippy sees it.

The fashion industry is (allegedly) awash with cocaine. How do you think all those really tall girls stay so thin? The stories I’ve heard about it suggest that the stuff is piled thick and high at every photo-shoot and fashion show and handed out like candy. Nose candy!

Now, if you’ve read much of the hippy, and I’m sure you have, you’ll know I’m not a fan of cocaine. You’ll also know in the past, I’ve done my fair share of the stuff, so I’m not exactly a novice when it comes to this particular subject.

Coke is addictive, coke is nasty. Coke won’t make you a nicer person. It will keep you awake. It will make you talk non-stop. It will make you think you’re a superstar.

That’s the thing about drugs; people take them and enjoy them because when one does, they make you feel good. It’s the aftermath you need to worry about. All drugs have a downside of one sort or another, including alcohol. Especially alcohol, as any hangover you may have had can attest to.

Kate Moss’s mistake wasn’t taking drugs. I would guess she’s been taking them for a very long time. No, her mistake was that she got caught.

And now the Metropolitan Police are going to investigate…? What the fuck??

Is this really how we want to prioritise our law enforcement resources? There are terrorists blowing up bombs here. Nearly 50,000 London-based crackheads are trying to steal my stereo. Gun crime is rife. And instead, they are putting investigators on to this, victimless crime? It’s fucking insane.

Though it’s no more crazy than the FBI in America throwing loads of agents at the porn industry. No, I didn’t make this up, it’s true. What do you expect when you put the Jesus-freaks in charge? Never mind the AQC's, let's get the smut peddlers!

AQC's = Al Qaeda Cunts - but I bet you knew that already.

Sorry, I’m digressing.

Here’s a big fucking hint for all you celebrity hippyfans out there: If you’re going to abuse drugs and you have some sort of professional contract with a morals clause attached, don’t take them in front of strangers! Don’t take them in front of anyone! Do them in private!!

It’s better to be a suspected drug addict than a confirmed and photographed one. That’s why clubs have VIP rooms, so you can be a bit discreet about your bad habits. Listen to the hippy and save yourself some hassle!

If you hired Kate Moss to model for you tomorrow, I’m sure she would show up, look good and let you take pictures of her in all sorts of outfits, or even naked. If all of that is true, would it matter if she was up until 6am snorting coke? Of course it wouldn’t!

The hypocrisy of this situation astounds me.

Loads of people use coke, it’s a product that’s in demand, worldwide. If people want something, market forces will always make sure they can get it. Someone will always want your money in exchange for whatever you desire.

If I was Kate’s manager (and I’m not), it would be easy enough to recover from this. All she would need to do is, repent, apologise and sell her redemption story to a newspaper for shitloads of cash. You wouldn’t even need to give up coke, as long as you didn’t get caught again.

It’s especially true in Britain that the media love to build someone up just to knock them back down again and Kate Moss’s plight is no different. I don’t really understand it, never have, but I can bet you that the newspapers with little Katie on the cover this week, were all big sellers.

You’ll notice I’ve nearly covered all of this without mentioning Kate’s fuck-up boyfriend, musician Pete Doherty. He’s a self-proclaimed drug addict and it would be easy to blame him for her problems. But I won’t, because I don’t think it’s true. A 4 gram a day habit would take years to build up to and she’s only been with him for 6-8 months or so.

Kate, good luck to you. Not everyone in the world is enjoying your troubles. I’m sure it will all work out for you, I just hope you have good media advisors. If not, get in touch with this hippy and I’ll sort it all out for you. I'm a fully qualified, media whore!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Just when you thought your day would be completely void of hippies, here I come to hippify your day. How fucking lucky are you? I’d buy two lottery tickets this week, just to be safe, if I were you…

I’m at work, moan, moan and struggling to keep my eyes open. I’ve been awake since 9am on Monday and probably won’t be back in bed until 10am on Tuesday. Yes, kids, I’m pulling a 25 hour day. Don’t envy me for my glamorous media lifestyle; envy me because I’m fucking hardcore! Grrrrr!

I really am tired tonight. I’m yawning loads, but three hours from now, at least I’ll be heading in the right direction.

I’m only doing 2 nights this week, so I really shouldn’t complain. Fuck it, I’ll complain anyway.

Even today’s papers are really dull, but I’ll hit the only 2 highlights I spied. As the internet’s number drug correspondent, I would be remiss if I didn’t share both of them with you.

Both are from my favourite newspaper, The Guardian and the first concerns a recent study done here in London regarding drug addicts. It says “there are around 50,000 crackheads in London”.

I know, I couldn’t believe it either. That’s a whole lotta crack being smoked! Or injected, as the Guardian quite amusingly points out. Personally, I’ve never heard of shooting up crack, but you can inject powdered coke. If you wanted to. I don’t.

It also says crackheads can spend five-hundred pounds a week on rocks. That’s £25,000 a year, in a country where the average annual wage is around half that. Where do they get all that cash? Simple, they steal your granny’s pension, they nick your car stereo…they break into your house and pinch your telly, then take a shit on your favourite easy chair!

Now, just for a moment, imagine crack cost the same in London as it does on the streets of Colombia, where much of it is produced. That same five-hundred quid a week could probably buy enough crack to keep all 50,000 rock heads going, with change left over for a pint of your favourite ale. There is no sense to the world.

Sure you can give that silly argument about drugs causing mental health problems. Alcohol causes mental health problems and we don’t ban it. Why should drugs be any different? Besides, people who take drugs (and drink heavily) probably have mental health issues to start with, so you can blame substance abuse for everything.

Legalise all drugs, sell them openly, at prices that are similar to their countries of origin and please, add some tax. I’d happily pay tax on the weed I smoke, if it meant I didn’t have to worry about getting busted for it!

And speaking of pointless drug busts, check out what they’re doing to the cannabis granny!

This poor woman, who takes cannabis to relieve pain from a medical condition doesn’t deserve to be arrested for having a couple of lousy plants in her house. It’s sheer lunacy! Don’t the cops have better things to be doing with their time?

Of course they do! Legalise everything now! It’s just plain common sense. You’d have to be a complete cunting loser to think that prohibition is doing anything other than keeping the costs of drugs artificially high and criminalising what are otherwise, honest, decent, hard working folks like me!

Yes, I am honest and yes, I do work hard, so screw you for thinking otherwise!

Gosh, that was harsh. Chill, hippy, chill.

Sorry, but it really pisses me off that this poor senior citizen is being treated so poorly just because she finds some relief in a bit of tasty bud! The world is MAD!

So there you have it, a drug update from the internet’s favourite hippy. I’ll go back to trying to keep my eyes open, you all can go back and resume your normal, bleak and dreary lives.

Catch ya next time my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Welcome to the wild, wacky and wonderful world of the northlondonhippy. Admission is free, but we hope you will spend some money in our gift shop before departing. Who wouldn’t look great in a northlondonhippy tee-shirt or cap?

It’s just the wrong side of noon, here in sunny north London. The temperature has dropped and I would classify it as “crisp”. It’s actually a good time of year for this hippy; I’m not really cut out for hot weather.

I’m listening to XFM via a cool Dashboard Widget on my iMac. I have the same widget on my iBook too and it works just the same. It grabs the webcast from my current favourite radio station and pipes it to the speakers. I’ll admit, it’s a cooler trick when done wirelessly with the iBook.

I’m digging my new computers very much. As the centrepieces of my all-new digital lifestyle, they are perfection personified. If you need a new computer, you deserve to at least see what Apple can do for you. It blows the competition out of the water!

But back to XFM, my fav station.

In my quest for international web stardom, I’ve gotten in touch with Christian O’Connell, who is the host of the XFM Breakfast show, Monday’s through Fridays. After work, I always have it on in the car on the drive home.

Rather than tell you about what I said, I’ll let you read the actual email I sent him on Friday morning!

“Hello Christian!

I'm a big fan of your XFM show!

I'm also the "biggest internet celebrity that you've never heard of"...but not for long.

I have a blog, which I've been writing for a while now and I think there's a chance I'm just the sort of nutter that would be fun for you to feature on the show occasionally.

Don't worry, I'm not looking for payment, just exposure. I think your listeners, who possess excellent taste, would dig what I do in a big way.

My blog focuses on current events, the media and drugs, specifically my own drug usage. I also swear unnecessarily quite a bit, but naturally I wouldn't do that on-air. I'm well behaved really, even if I'm rarely sober.

I work in the media myself, mainly overnights and I finish work while you're on-air, which means I could do a quick hit with you anytime in the 0800 hour, or earlier with some notice. I can talk about anything. I'm very well informed, amusing and never dull. I'm good value, really!

If you have a chance, "spend some time chilling out with the hippy" by visiting my blog. See if my borderline insanity is something you can work with and let me know if you're interested.

The address is: http://northlondonhippy.blogspot.com

I'm free anytime next week, should you decide to take me up on this amazing offer!

I'll be in my car and listening from 0720bst this morning - how about some Green Day? My fav at the mo' is "Holiday" from American Idiot!

Either way, thanks for taking the time to read this email and keep rockin'!

All the best,
the northlondonhippy!”

So that’s what I said to him. I haven’t heard back yet, but that’s ok as he was on-air when I contacted him.

They did play a Green Day song before I got home though. I heard it in the car as I drove. It was the title track of “American Idiot” and not “Holiday”, which is something I guess.

Anyway, I’ve been practising my special northlondonhippy raspy, creepy, radio voice and I’m ready to do it live now.

You didn’t think I would speak in my normal voice, did you? What’s the point of having a secret internet identity, if you don’t maintain it at all costs?

I told Mrs. Hippy about my plan and performed the hippyvoice for her, which made her piss herself with laughter. Yes, I’m ready for my debut! Fuckers!

And I promised no swearing on-air and I meant it. Just because I fucking use a lot of cuntingly unnecessary bad language here in the blog, doesn’t mean I can’t keep my shit together on the radio.

Remember, I’m a media whore, first and foremost. If I get the opportunity to be a guest on the radio, I don’t want it to be my one and only appearance. I want the hippy to turn into a regular feature.

Just wind me up and let me go! Especially with the hippyvoice, I find it quite liberating. Smoking as much as I do, I also don’t find it difficult to do and can keep it going for ages!

If I ever do a podcast, or a vlog thingy, this is the voice I would use. Of course, doing a vblog would mean some sort of hippy disguise and I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.

Keeping up with this blog is hard enough. Where do I think I am going to find the time to do all of these other fun and entertaining projects I dream about?

I know. What I need is a benefactor, someone to sponsor me in all my artistic and media pursuits.

Hey! Are you foolishly wealthy? Would you like to sub this hippy financially, for, oh I don’t know, say the next fifty years or so? I don’t want to be greedy, but how does £250,000 per year strike you? Cash naturally.

And what do you get in return? You mean besides the warm feeling inside of knowing you’ve made all MY northlondonhippy dreams come true? Ok, how about 50% of the profits of everything I do?

I know 50% of nothing ain’t much, but that’s bound to go up. Worldwide media domination can’ be far away. Think how much better your life will be when everyone treats me like a living god!

The hippy brand is on the rise! Look out fuckers!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Gmail? Gmail! You know you want one!

I'm back, but I'll be really brief.

Just in case anyone doubted what I said in my previous posting about Iraq and Saddam, here's an article from Thursday's Times (of London) which is headlined "This is ten times worse than under Saddam".

Read what Baghdad residents have to say about the big, giant, steaming mess that is Iraq today and then see how far off this hippy is in his assessment.

It really fucking pisses me off!

Catch ya next time!
Doesn’t anyone want one of my fine Gmails? I’ve got shitloads of invites and I’d really love to give you one! Click here for more details!

Good evening world. Or morning, or afternoon or whatever the hell time it is, where-ever you are right now. Greetings and salutations. Your favourite hippy is here, ready to amuse, inform and entertain you. Now, what are you going to do for me?

I’m at work and having a blast. I’m having more fun than you, right now…but then, I have more fun than everyone!

Last night’s shift ended quite badly, for loads of people in Baghdad, not me. Thanks to the AQC’s there (remember? Al Qaeda cunts?), loads of people were killed on Wednesday morning.

In a particularly callous attack, a truck bomber pulled up in an area of Baghdad where people gathered looking for construction work. The truck bomber coaxed the prospective builders closer to his van, and then blew it up. Nice.

I know it’s shitty in Iraq, but every once in a while, something so evil happens, that it even catches my attention. This event falls into that category.

A bunch of people seeking honest, gainful employment should be able to do so without the fear of having their assholes blown off. It’s not even safe enough there to look for a day’s work. Fuck, fuck, fuck and fuck.

I find it all extremely depressing and all of you Iraq war apologists can suck my cock.

I can’t think of a more stupid war, launched under false pretences and fought for no good reason. And to you apologists, who ask such stupid questions of sensible people like me, such as “would it be better if Saddam was still in power?” Here’s my answer:

Yes. Saddam was no threat to the US or Britain or anyone. Sure, he treated his own people badly, with his rape rooms and torture chambers, but are we honestly doing any better?

I’ve seen the photos from Abu Ghraib and so have you. We’re just as bad. No, scratch that, we’re worse, because under Saddam you could walk the streets, buy a loaf of bread or look for a job without the fear of having your goddamn head blown the fuck off!

Sorry, I’m really pissed off about this. Grrrrrr. Cunts!

OK, change-up time, from the obscene to the ridiculous.

Britney Spears has given birth to a baby boy. I think she’s named it Cooter, or Skeeter or something.

Those of you, who go way back with this hippy, may recall I used to joke about blow-jobs from Ms. Spears as the ultimate currency. Well, I withdraw that completely and here’s why:

For those of you who have eaten recently, I would advise not clicking on this LINK. But if you’re brave, click away. Don’t blame me if this classy photo of the expectant mother makes you barf.

And that’s it. I’m out of steam now. I don’t know if I informed, amused or entertained you, but damn, I sure feel better. And isn’t that the most important thing?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Do you want a Gmail? This hippy wants you to have one. Go on, be a part of the great northlondonhippy Gmail give-away! Click here!

Hey fuckers! Guess who?

It’s me, the one and only northlondonhippy!

I’m living that hippy life so you don’t have to! I’m the biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of! I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for you!

I’m god’s favourite blogger, which is pretty amazing, considering I completely reject the concept of god. That alone, is why he loves me best! And you love me too and maybe lust after me just a little bit. It’s only natural!

I had a few thoughts on subjects for a new entry, but a slightly busy evening at work has knocked them out of my head. Instead, I’m going to thank my new super-fan for yet another insightful and interesting comment left on the blog.

Here it is:

“I struggle to find blogs that are consistently worth reading. This one is. I resorted to reading the archives over the weekend. One thing I've found is that US blogs are shite, complete shite. They just talk so much crap, and there is way too much God bless America, and religious bollocks. I'm not religious, but I don't mind learning about it, but when its used in such sanctimonious ways as the Americans do, I just get sick, I can't handle it. One thing is for sure, if there was a God, he wouldn't bless America.

I've found UK blogs much more appealing, maybe its because I'm English, but I don't think so entirely. We just have a better way of putting things.

Hippy, we all want more info on what you really do? What exactly is it in TV that you got up to? And what do you do on your shifts now? Something to do with watching the news wires it seems, but I'm guessing. I guess you don't want to give it away too much in case your colleagues find out or something, but I'm sure you could put it in such a way as to keep the profile low still.

Keep up the good work!”

Obviously, this person has excellent taste and a keen critical eye. They know a good thing when they see it! Can you hear my ego purring?

Yes, America is fucked. I lived there for many years and it’s only got worse since I left nearly 15 years ago. That doesn’t mean all American blogger suck, though. I’ll make an even more sweeping generalisation…

…and I say this as a prolific blogger of some merit…most blogs suck.

Sorry, if this seems harsh, but it’s true. On occasion, I hit the “next blog” button myself and the blogs I encounter are often laughably dull and pointless. Not all blogs, there are some good ones around, besides this one. You just need to weed through a lot of crap to find the gems.

At least my blog has a point, it amuses me, but more importantly it entertains and informs my readers. About what is anyone’s guess, but I promise all of you, if you read the hippy, you will come away with something. Whether it’s a new way of looking at something, or just a wry grin from my non-stop jokes and japes, I provide value for money!

Oh wait, I don’t charge for this drivel, I give it away for free!

It’s not that my blog isn’t popular; I prefer to think of it as “underground”.

I’m the internet’s best kept secret, so well done you for discovering me! Once you’ve had hippy, you never go back!

Now, my new number-one hippyfan wishes to know about my occupation.

You’re right that I don’t want anyone I know to discover this blog and at the moment, only 2 people in my life are actually aware that I’m the northlondonhippy. That would be my younger brother and Mrs. Hippy, the rest of the world is blissfully unaware of my secret internet identity. That’s how it will stay, always.

I’ve been tempted to tell friends and colleagues that I am the hippy, but I worry that if I did, it would inhibit my writing and the personal revelations I share here.

With all of that said, here is a suitably vague explanation of what I do: I work in international television news and have done, for (fuck me!) nearly 16 years. That sounds a lot more exciting and fancy than it really is, trust me.

Back when I used to travel, you might have been impressed with my job, but again, if you saw the reality of it, you would wonder why I bothered. These days, I’m a desk jockey. The tools of my trade are a telephone, a PC and a television. Oh and a comfy office chair. With wheels. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ok, that’s an oversimplification, since my business also uses all sorts of technology, from satellites to cameras, to fully equipped studios. We love our toys.

When people ask what I do, my reply is “I’m a television journalist”, which normally is followed by me being asked if I do anything in front of the camera. The answer to that is, no, never!

Most people, who work in television, do it behind the scenes. I try to stay as far away from the cameras as possible. If you saw how short, fat and bald I was, you’d understand why!

I hope that answers your question, mystery fan!

And to all my hippyfans, feel free to ask me anything. I’m a wealth of useless knowledge and information and can probably help! I actually like a bit of interactivity and I am very approachable. Never fear the hippy, I’m groovy…!

So go on, leave a comment, send me an email. You can even get a free Gmail from me. And if you are hot, young and female, please feel free to swing by north London for a spliff and some oral sex. Don’t worry, Mrs. Hippy will be there to take the photos!

Catch ya next time, my fine feathered fuckers!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

People say Gmail is the best web-based email available. People say a lot of things, find out for yourself instead! Click here. Do it. Do it now! Fuckers!

Ok, I’m back. I know it’s only a few hours since my last posting. Sue me!

I still have nothing of merit to say, but I thought I’d provide a link to an interesting comment piece from Tuesday’s Independent newspaper.

One of the contenders for the leadership of the Conservative Party has touched on an issue that is near and dear to this hippy’s heart! Check out what David Cameron has to say on the subject of legalising drugs…it might surprise you!

I just might have to vote Tory next time. That is, I would if I voted, but that’s democracy for you! If this guy is making sense, he probably doesn’t have a chance.

Instead, they’ll probably choose that tobacco peddling mad-man, Kenneth Clarke! I know which drugs I’d rather buy! All of them!
Gmails, get your Gmails here! Get ‘em while their hot! And what’s hotter than Gmail? Nothing, so click here, right now!

Hello fuckers! Miss me? Do you dream of hippys all day and all night? Or perhaps, just this hippy? Who could possibly blame you?

I’m at work, I’m bored, but that’s not something to complain about. I’m happy to be doing little, may it remain that way until I depart, in less than 6 hours. Yipppeee!

I can’t say I’ve done very much in the last few days, aside from house work and the like. Sometimes, life is dull. So be it, again I’m not complaining.

The entire UK has been mad with cricket fever. Personally, I don’t get it, but whenever a national team does well at something, everyone becomes a fan. Except me.

I wish I had more to say tonight, but I don’t really. If it wasn’t for one particularly persistent hippyfan, who’s been checking my page frequently, I wouldn’t have even bothered, but I hate to disappoint my public.

You know, you could always email me, especially if I haven’t posted anything in a couple of days. That way you could get your very own hippy-update! Don’t be shy, I don’t bite, unless you pay extra for pain!

And on that particularly sick note, I’m off. Next time I drop by, I’ll make certain I have plenty to say!

Friday, September 09, 2005

Only cool people have Gmail. Don’t you aspire to coolness? Click here for the ultimate in cool.

Good morning world!

I bet you didn’t expect to be waking up next to me. Next time, don’t drink so much!

I’ve been awake since 7:30am, thanks mainly to a couple of rambunctious cats playing on top of me while I slept. No, that is not a euphemism for the 2 girl special.

Because of my adorable, yet psychotic 5-month-old kitten, I have to keep the cat flap shut or set to entry only most of the time. She is far too young and crazy to go outside now. That means my other 2 cats don’t get to go outside unless I open the flap. It also means I inadvertently trap many neighbourhood cats sneaking around for some food.

It’s constant cat comedy capers ‘round here!

The crazy kitten is fearless and loves to corner fully grown tomcats. They cower away from her; nothing scares her. She’s nuts.

Yesterday morning, she woke Mrs. Hippy and I by scaling the bedroom curtain and tearing half of it down, then dropping on Mrs. H, claws extended, scratching her badly on the arm as she landed.

Everyday is a new adventure!

This morning she was fighting with my older male cat on top of me. He was trying to wake me up anyway to let him out. Sleep didn’t have a chance.

I was going to head into town today, for lunch with my younger brother and a potentially costly visit to the Apple Store on Regent Street, but I feel like shit, so I’m not going. I’m tired.

I want an iPOD NANO! The black one, 4gb, 1,000 songs, impossibly small! Dig it! I want one! Isn’t it time I had my very own iPOD? Of course it is!

What I am going to do today is visit the supermarket a little later. I can’t get out of everything! Besides, I’m sure if the nanos are actually in stock anyway. If I order it online, I can get it engraved for free. Maybe I’ll just order it!

It’s an exciting life I lead, but don’t worry, I’m be stoned for all of it. I might even take something else today, as a little treat. I still have some Kanna Extract that could be fun.

I read an interesting article today, which as a pseudo-intellectual caught my attention. It seems they have found evidence that the human brain is continuing to evolve. You can read it for yourselves RIGHT HERE.

Of course our brains are still evolving! How stupid would you have to be to think that we are as good as it gets! It just goes to show the hubris and blind self-centred silliness still pervades modern thought.

We are a work in progress; we are part of nature; nature is change. Our limited view of the universe is constrained by time; the length of our lives, the duration of recorded fact, the relative recent discoveries in science, the brief time humans have been standing upright. We are so ignorant of everything, yet we create the illusion of knowing it all.

The sum of human knowledge couldn’t fill a thimble in the wider universe. We know so little that in this universal context, we know practically nothing. Why should we be surprised that as a species we are still changing?

Fools, twits and assholes seem to run the world! Put me in charge and watch everyone’s life improve. This hippy won’t lie to you! And all drugs would be legal! And oral sex would be mandatory!!

You only need to look at the gulf coast of America right now to see that we are clueless. The planet has more power over us than we’ll ever have over it, at least until we can control the weather! And stop earthquakes and all the other nature disasters that await us.

Maybe, like you, my beloved hippyfans, we’ve evolved further than the rest of our fellow earthlings. We see things as they really are, not as others wish them to be. Clear vision and honest assessments are what separate us from the rest of the flock!

Here’s another cool thing I caught today. Normally, I don’t plug porn sites, but this one is too clever for words!

In Prague, there is a brothel set up, with cameras all over it, Big Brother style. According to THE SUN newspaper, this place charges 8 pounds (around 14 US dollars) for unlimited sex with the women there.

The catch? It’s all streamed live on THIS SITE, with audio and video in vivid, lurid colour.

And no, I haven’t subscribed and I don’t endorse you subscribing either, but you can if you want. It’s your money!

It’s just a really slick idea that I wish I’d thought of! I bet it makes a fucking fortune from all the unfortunate fucking.

I’d love to sit here and spout my special brand of drivel all day, but my shopping isn’t going to get done magically, is it? Catch ya later my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Would your life be perfect if you had a Gmail? Well, perfection is just one click away! Yes, click right here! Right here! RIGHT HERE, DAMMIT!

Hey ho.

I’m a wireless hippy today, perched rather comfortably on my sofa with the iBook nestled in my lap with a juicy skunky spliff smouldering in the ashtray. Ah, the joys of technology and soft drugs!

It’s the middle of the afternoon, here in sunny north London, or as we say here in the ghetto, “it’s crack o’clock”. If you need some rock, the shops are all open. And by shops, of course I mean those of the street corner variety. Party tyme!

The entire country has suddenly become enamoured with cricket thanks to the Ashes. I find it all pretty dull and would rather watch anything else. I painted a wall today, just to watch it dry.

And the English football team managed to live up to its reputation last night, perhaps they even managed to exceed it. They lost to a crap team, it should have been an easy victory. Oooops.

I don’t even like sport, but this is what life is like. You can’t avoid it, but you can be prepared for eventual disappointment. English teams are good at providing that, if nothing else.

I hope I’m wrong about the Ashes, go team, blah blah blah, but if you listen to the hippy, you will avoid a broken heart.

Enough of this sports talk, or else this blog will turn into some sort of shitty radio talk show and I’ll have to open up the phone lines to hear what YOU have to say!

Here’s why I do what I do:

“Once again, another excellent article from the webs best hippy. Whenever my day comes to a lull, the first thing I do is tune into the hippy. You get laughs, quality verse, and informative rhetoric. Being a non-drug taking hippy - although I have tasted the delights of natual shrooms - I do enjoy the education on drugs, especially. Keep it up northlondonhippy!”

That is an actual comment, from an actual hippyfan that was left on yesterday’s entry. Obviously, this person has a keen critical eye and excellent taste. Who is their right mind wouldn’t worship me like the living GOD I truly am?

Ah-hem.

Ya see, this is why “I’m living that hippy life, so you don’t have to”. Remember, “I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for Y-O-U!” If I can bring some joy and happiness to your otherwise bleak and dreary lives, then I feel I’ve done what I set out to do in this blog!

I may remain “the biggest internet celebrity that you’ve never heard of…” but not for long! 2005 is still the year of the hippy, it’s just no one told the year yet! World domination by me is just a couple of clicks away!

I wish more hippyfans would write me more often and leave comments, which only serve to stroke my hippy ego. Don’t be afraid, I’m very approachable and I don’t bite, but I might lick a little.

Emails are also acceptable, as are gifts of cash, drugs or meaningless sexual favours. Especially meaningless sexual favours! I need some hot, young female groupies to service me, over and over again. Don’t worry, Mrs. H is cool with all this, she is still recovering from her recent surgery and only wants what’s best for me.

What would be best for me right now is a hippy sandwich, served on two slices of 16 year old slutty sex kitten-bread. With a side order of mixed metaphors.

Sorry, it must be the weather, but my cock’s harder than Charles Bronson in Deathwish, but a lot less lethal. I’m hung like a horse, but a whole lot more fun to ride! Giddyap motherfuckers!

I think I need to take some of my special brain medicine. Could you score some for me please?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

You could have a Gmail, if you wanted one. How? Click here my beloved fuckers and all will be revealed!

Hey, hey, my, my, this hippy is always HIGH!

And hello to you my fine fucking friends. How the hell are you? Are you digging the scene? Is it your hearty-party electric party dream?

Yeah, thought so.

Well it’s a sunny Wednesday morning, here in the fabulous ghettos of north London. The crack heads are still sleeping and the gang members are too, dreaming of Glock 17s and endless supplies of rock. It’s safe to go out and take care of your business. But in 7 or 8 hours, the bad guys will return to these mean streets, searching for easy prey and easier pickings. Lock up your cars and your teenagers!

Mrs. H is home and yipppeee, yipppeee, came through her surgery just fine. I wish the same could be said for the NHS.

The NHS, or National Health Service, for those of you outside of modern Britain is our nationalised health care provider. In theory, it is suppose to provide health care for the entire nation, for free. On paper, this sounds like a wonderful idea and in an ideal world, it should be.

But we all know we don’t live in an ideal world!

The standard and level of care is atrocious, the facilities are an embarrassment. Obviously, I can really only write about London, since I don’t know what the rest of the country is really like. Around these parts, it sucks moosecock. Through a straw!

Without going into too many specifics, I’ll try to give you a little flavour of what this experience was like for Mrs. H. In the interests of confidentiality and respect, I won’t reveal that many details either.

- The surgery Mrs. H had lasted about 30 mins. And how long did Mrs. H wait for this 30 minute visit to an operating theatre? 10 months.

- We arrived at 7am at the day surgery ward. No one could tell us anything. Six hours later, Mrs. H was taken to the operating theatre. On a gurney, via ambulance, to another building, elsewhere in the facility. Impressive.

- Mrs. H was gone for over 4 hours. In that time, I was given no news. I was given nothing, but attitude for even enquiring politely.

- The staff are rude, unpleasant and ill-mannered. They don’t listen or know how to interact with people in any meaningful way

- The ward was filthy, with peeling paint and grime. The cleaner merely shifted the dirt around on her one visit to the room in 17 hours

- After the surgery, Mrs. H was ignored. Her IV drip ran dry for an hour and the refused to get her so much as a drink of water.

- The staff are lazy. They all talk about how over-worked nurses are in the NHS. Bullshit, I saw these lazy fucking cunts standing around doing nothing most of the time. I’m not exaggerating either.

- In the end, I took Mrs. H home early, they wanted her to stay overnight, but it was just so pitiful.

The conditions could best be described as “third world”. It’s embarrassing that the system has turned out to be such a cunting motherfucking piece of cunting shit.

I’ve made a promise to Mrs. H, that if she ever needs any other sort of treatment, we go private. I don’t care what it costs, she’s not going through anything like that again.

BUPA here we come! The NHS can suck my cock! But only if it uses an antiseptic mouthwash first. Blecccch!

If I was only a tiny bit crazier, I would return to that ward with a machete and chop every one of them into the tiniest of bite-sized bits. I would then feed the bits to some pigs. Once the pigs shit it all out, I would then burn the shit with petrol. Then I would take the ashes, pack it into a tin and bury it at the end of my garden. Then I would pray to Satan every night for a year to damn their eternal souls to hell and torture them with gusto.

And once I’d done all that, then I’d go after their families.

Yes, I am that fucking angry and disgusted by the entire thing. Cunts!

Enough. They are not worth the time and effort. How about some drug news!

I’ll start out with an interesting article from the INDEPENDENT on cannabis connoisseurs. I’ve always had a taste for the higher-end bud and I’ve been lucky that up until recently, have had a decent source. That source is gone now, so I need a new one.

Do you grow gourmet bud? Do you have extra? Do you every sell any? Would you like to give some to the internet’s favourite hippy? I’d appreciate it far more than any of your mates. My dope palate is educated and I could praise your green fingers with a depth of knowledge unmatched by anyone else you know.

Perhaps you have a good supplier yourself, who would love to have this hippy as a regular customer. I’m regular and prolific in my dope purchases and don’t mind paying a premium for top-class, organic, hydroponically grown, hybrid strain, THC laden bud! I’m cool, I’m happening and I know how to keep a dealer sweet!

Even better, perhaps you have a relationship with one of the fine organised distribution networks in London. You know what I mean, you ring a number, give some secret password and within an hour, some guy on a moped is at your door with the finest selection drugs that money can buy! Oh man, I would love to hook up with a service like that. It would be as easy as ordering pizza and I wouldn’t mind not getting a free bottle of Pepsi with every delivery!

Here’s another cool story I picked up on the other day, regarding a recent survey done here in the UK on trends in drug availability and usage. It’s from my favourite lefty, liberal paper, the GUARDIAN. Even though they haven't done a feature report on me, or named me their drug correspondent (I know, can you believe it?), it’s still my fav paper. So there, fuckers!

The report says that in some parts of the UK, pills are selling for 50p a go. By pills, of course I mean “E”, ecstasy, or MDMA. Fifty fucking pence!!! That’s dirt cheap.

I know they are not as good, or as strong as they used to be, but still, that is just unbelievable. Do you understand the concept of supply-side economics? It’s simple. When there is a glut in supply, prices drop. The last time I bought a pill, it was five pounds. That same fiver will now get you ten pills. I’m not sure where exactly I would have to travel to get this bargain, as they didn’t provide purchasing or contact details, but it sounds to me like they are 10 times more available, if you believe in simple math.

The war on drugs, eh?

If people want to take MDMA, and believe me, they do, where’s the logic in sending them to the street to buy any old crap. How about some harm reduction? How about selling them legally, with quality control and age checks and even VAT! I’d pay an extra 17.5% on my drugs, if I could be sure I was getting something of a high quality!

Even better, that same article talks about the increasing popularity of Ketamin, or “special K”, or and this was a new one on me, “techo-smack’.

Ketamin is an anaesthetic, or horse traquillizer. During the Vietnam war they started using it on people in field surgery, because of the quote-unquote disassociative effects of the drug. In plain English, that means it separates your mind from your body. Cool, eh?

Currently, Ketamin exists in a grey area legally, which means there are no real penalties for possession. They are talking about making it class “C”, which is the same as steroids and weed.

I tried Ketamin once, around 20 years ago. Yes, I know I’m old.

I hated it; it really fucked me up. I was living in a very small city at the time, I mean really small, one square mile. It was literally 14 streets by 14 streets on a grid. You couldn’t get lost if you tried.

I didn’t try, but I got lost just the same, walking 2 blocks up and 2 blocks over. The round trip journey, on foot, took over 2 hours. My brain was mush.

Kids, stay away from special K! Listen to the hippy! Stick to weed, shrooms and other natural goodies!

The shit is worse than bad. It’s typical that this nasty crap is legal and moving to class C, while my beloved and recently banned, all natural magic mushrooms are now class A. Fucking nonsense!

And finally, another one from today’s GUARDIAN, which says the Spanish are the most prolific consumers of cocaine in the world.

I could have told you that! They all talk fast and stay out late every night, of course they dig charlie!

And on that somewhat stereotypical note, I bid you all adieu. I hope you enjoyed this rambling hippy rant! Catch ya next time, my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Gmail here, Gmail there, Gmail, Gmail everywhere! Except in your life…? Then click here my Gmail-less friend and I can change that for you!

I’m up early, its Saturday morning. Ta-dum-dee-da.

I’m off from work now until the middle of the month, Mrs. H has to have some surgery on Monday morning. She’ll be in hospital for a few nights, then off-work for the entire month.

Of course I’m concerned for her, that’s only natural, but she will be fine. I’ll make certain of it. That’s why I’m off, to take care of her. I wish she didn’t need the surgery, but she does, so we’ll do the best we can.

Its on my mind a lot at the moment, but that’s to be expected as well.

The other thing that is weighing heavily on mind today, is the date. Its an anniversary and not a particularly happy one.

It’s exactly one year ago today that my father died.

I can’t believe it myself. It’s hard to imagine a year passing by, it seems like only yesterday I was speaking to him on the phone. Actually, it was a year on Thursday since I last heard his voice. He was barely audible, but he knew it was me.

I didn’t see him in his final year, I hadn’t actually seen him for a couple of years before he died. I didn’t see how ravaged his body had become thanks to the cancer and the chemo. I didn’t see his hair fall out, or him becoming rail-thin.

My father was tall, like six foot and a robust, stocky man for most of his adult life. I can’t imagine what he looked like towards the end.

That may not be a bad thing, as my memories of him are all of how he always was. My father was blond when he was younger, and white haired most of my life. He’ll always look like that to me.

He was pretty rough on me in that final year. He was angry and resentful that I didn’t visit him. I had my own problems back then, including my unfortunate stretch of unemployment. He wasn’t that interested in any of that. I don’t blame him, he just wanted to see me.

He was lucky, he died at home, peacefully, in his own bed, with my mother by his side. Most people don’t get a death of their choosing. Under the circumstances, he managed to have a say in how he went.

I miss him, I miss him a lot. He was a good father and not just to me, but to all his kids. He did the best he could for all of us and in many ways that was pretty damn good.

As a faithless, godless, heathen, I don’t actually believe in an afterlife. I think he’s just gone and not to anywhere in particular. I do know he’s no longer in pain and I hope he’s at peace.

I wished he was proud of the way I turned out, but I know that he wasn’t. I hope he knew I’m OK. I’ll always be OK.

So here’s to you dad! A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about you and I doubt that a day ever will that I don’t.

OK, enough of this sentimental crap! Life is for the living and I’m still here. So are you! So are millions of us!

Unless you’re in Louisiana, Mississippi or Alabama, in which case you’re somewhere between life and death. Death is everywhere you look, except in the directions where you see suffering. The government doesn’t seem to be doing much for them at all.

That’s how America treats its poor people, especially if they are black. I’m just calling it as I see it.

Imagine if similar devastation occurred someplace with a mostly white, middle class population. They’d all be in shelters, well fed, clean and safe already.

What’s going on right now, in the aftermath of Katrina is the shame of the USA. Or it should be. And that useless cunt of a president, visits the area and lies unconvincingly about how the aid mission is going!

Right now, GW Bush looks like he is out of his depth and not in charge of dick. Look Georgie, if you can’t help the people in your own country, then you have no fucking business getting involved with adventures abroad. Yes, I am talking about Iraq, you nincompoop!

And I’m talking about Bush, not you, so relax, my beloved hippyfans!

America has more resources available than any other nation. They are richer, better equipped and are suppose to possess that can-do spirit that allegedly makes it so great. So where is all that shit now?

Ummm, my guess is Iraq. That’s where all the helicopters and National Guardsmen and the like are right now. And they’re doing a bang-up job there, making the world safe for democracy and all that.

Oh no, wait. Actually, they’re not. They’re fucking up over there as well.

The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is the shame of their nation. That’s what you are seeing on your television right now. It’s an embarrassment. It’s pathetic. It sucks.

Here’s a joke for you: How many dead people does it take in the American south to get President Bush to take action?

Give up?

Well, I don’t know either, but apparently it’s more than we have right now.

OK, maybe it’s not the best joke I’ve ever written and maybe you won’t be telling it down the pub later. But you got my point!

And that wraps up another edition of death, destruction and more death weekly. I don’t know about you, but I could murder a spliff right now. Yes, I know it’s 9am, does that really matter?

Friday, September 02, 2005

These Gmail invites are burning a hole in my proverbial pockets! You can have one, if you really, really want it. Just click right here and let this hippy do the rest.

Fucking Hell.

Fuckity fuck.

And fucking hell again.

The southern United States got seriously ‘caned. Hurricaned. There ain’t nothing funny about that!

If you read the hippy regularly, and I’m sure of course, you do, you may have read the weather warning I posted a few days ago. It threatened exactly what we’re seeing right now, but I seem to be the only person who paid attention to it. Scroll down a bit if you don’t believe me.

Total devastation. FUBAR is how I would describe. Certainly you know what that means…FUBAR = fucked up beyond all recognition. That’s Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama right now.

The human suffering is epic, on a biblical scale. It’s unbelievable. I don’t think I even have a grasp on the scope of the disaster. It’s like a Hollywood movie.

But the legacy of this disaster will be something far worse…it’s done more to fuck up race relations in America than anything else in a long time.

The po’ black folks are the ones stranded, with no food, water or options. The rich white folks jumped in their cars and headed for higher ground. Nobody’s rescuing the poor folks. No wonder they’re shooting at helicopters!

I could go on and on about this, but you all have televisions, you all can watch the death and destruction unfold live and in real time. Ain’t technology grand?

I know I’m always going on about how fucked we all are, how fucked the planet is, how there’s no hope. Now, I can point to the evidence.

It’s the end of the world, kids. If someone offers you some drugs, I’d advise taking them and in large quantities. Life sucks and it’s getting suckier. Get your cheap thrills while you can. We’re all going to hell in a handbasket, so it doesn’t really matter what you do.

Party hard, party high, party till you drop. There’s nothing else to do. Ask your dealer for a discount, tell him the hippy says you need cheaper drugs.

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