VISIT THE HIPPY'S NEW SITE: www.northlondonhippy.com Spend some time chilling out with the hippy...He used to be "the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet!" until the UK banned fresh magic mushrooms. He's still "the biggest internet celebrity you've never heard of!" He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think...he'll make you wish you were a hippy too!

Monday, October 31, 2005

I’m having a shitty night. Not that you’d care.

It’s one of those nights where absolutely nothing is going right. If I was the kind of hippy who got stressed out when things turn to shit, I’d be in real trouble. Thankfully, I’m the kind of hippy who’s always cool and I haven’t even broken a sweat.

I get paid the same whether things happen smoothly, badly or not at all. I like getting paid as it beats the alternative. In an ideal world, I would be independently wealthy. This, my fine friends is not an ideal world.

If it was, I’d be your god. I should be your god. I’d be a good god. I’d be the best damn god in the known (and unknown) universe.

All things considered I’d rather be on drugs. With a little luck, soon I will be.

I’ve got one more night, then three nights off, then six more to do. It’s too much, but we’re back to the money issue again. A hippy needs to eat and score dope. And don’t forget about toys!

Where’s my fucking iPod? It should be in my hot little hands right now but its not. It’s still somewhere between Amsterdam and my north London lair. This is not good enough! I could have used it this weekend, especially the video playback!

This hippy needs constant stimulation and entertainment, otherwise I’m left with nothing but my thoughts for amusement. I already think too much, I don’t need extra time trapped in my own cerebral hell!

Fuckin’ hell, I’m a big whinge-bag tonight! Or rather, this morning, as it’s nearly 6am, London time. On the plus side, I’m out the door in about 75 minutes. Yipppeee to that motherfuckers!

I actually shouldn’t be complaining. I should never complain. My life is good. I have my health, dosh in the bank and the undying love and respect of the entire population through this blog.

That’s a lie. I blog in near obscurity. You loyal hippyfans don’t know how good you’ve got it, with me as your personal web-jester. Sure, you’ve caught how amazingly terrific I am, but what about those unenlightened souls who aren’t down with this hippy? You can help!

This week, it’s “introduce someone cool to the northlondonhippy” week. That’s right, this week, each of you has a special task: you need to convert one of your mates into a hippyfan!

It’s not as difficult as it sounds, since I’m addictive like crack, only better for you. Remember, “I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for you!” I may not be “shroomtastic” any more, but I’m still pretty goddamn good.

I make you laugh, make you think and make you wish you were a hippy too! Don’t I?

I’m the hippy you all adore, because I’m a proper media whore!

So come on fuckers, let’s double my hippyfan base! You know it makes sense! I'm counting on each and every one of you!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Ok, I’m not god tonight. I should be though.

Instead, I’m travelling through time and frankly, I don’t recommend it.

I’m working right now and the clocks have gone back. There were two “one o’clocks” tonight and I got to experience them both. Who says anything is lovelier the second time around? It’s not.

This is not my idea of fun time travel. It means I’m working an extra, unpaid hour tonight. You normal, non-nocturnal types are all getting an extra hour of sack time. Fuckers!

What’s worse is its dead quiet. That means time is practically standing still. Or going backward and this time it ain’t my imagination.

I’m on a seriously heavy schedule for the next couple of weeks. I’m working 9 out of the next 12 nights. Yipppeee for the paycheck at the end of it, though I’m hoping I survive.

Of course I’ll survive, this hippy is hardcore!

I haven’t been up to too much else this week, I haven’t had that much time off. I did score a little something a few days ago, which certainly has taken the edge off slightly, but other than that, my life is pretty fucking dull.

My brand new, 60gb black iPod (with video capabilities) is somewhere between my north London lair and Amsterdam. It started its journey in Shanghai early last week and really should be in my hot little hands already, but its not. Shame, as I really could have used it tonight as a diversion.

What’s worse is I’ve been awake since 9:30am on Saturday, which means by the time I arrive home, with the clocks turned back, I will have been awake for more than 24 hours.

Go on, you can envy me a little for my glamorous media lifestyle! Even when I'm grumpy!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Blessed are the hippies, for the hippies shall inherit the earth.

Though if you read your newspapers today, you might have seen that THIS particular hippy has actually already inherited the entire planet.
Maybe you missed it, but god died and he left it all to me. I’m your new lord and master.

Worship at my feet as you recite the northlondonhippy prayer:

“Oh northlondonhippy
with your big cock…
and bigger ego…
Grant us the strength to score good drugs…
And the ability to find meaningless sexual encounters…
With really hot people.
Amen.”

Dig it, fuckers! There’s a new boss in town! Screw the ten commandments! As far as I’m concerned, don’t steal and don’t kill, the rest is wide open!

I can kill, if I want to and maybe I will. Death to all the stupid people! Naturally, that excludes you, since you’re clever enough to read this blog!

Let’s face it; you were down with the hippy before I took over from god, so you’re safe from my wrath! But you newly converted hippyfans, well, that’s a different story! If you don’t start making with the weed and free oral sex and quick, I will fucking smite you!

All of my enemies will be smited! Once I look up what “smite” means on dictionary.com, I’m really gonna do it! Look out evil-doers wherever you are!

I’ve got a lot on my agenda already. For starters, I’m going to sort out the weather. No more hurricanes, typhoons or cyclones. I’ve banned them all.

Also, I’ve had enough of the quakes and tsunamis, they’re banned too!

And while I’m at it, war is banned. Except for George W (for waste of a human existence) Bush, who I’m making the only member of the US Military. He can have a side-arm and a hat, and then I’m shipping him off to Fallujah to fight Iraqis on his own. It’s the right thing to do.

Naturally, all drugs will be legal and for some people, compulsory. Nothing will cause cancer because I’m cancelling cancer. Even cigarettes will be good for you and chock full of vitamins.

I’ll make sure there’s plenty of food and clean water for every living thing. You won’t need medicines any more, because we’ll all be blessed with perfect physical and mental health. Even me, especially on the mental health side!

And every Friday night, I’ll have my own global tv show: The northlondonhippy smile hour! You’ll all have to watch, because it will be on every goddamn channel!

Oh fuckers, I know it’s all just a dream, but with your help, this dream can come true. Simply put as much cash as you can afford (US dollars, GB pounds or Euros only please, no cheques!) into an envelope and send it to:

the northlondonhippy
north London, UK
planet earth

I’m sure the postal service can find me. I’m the only northlondonhippy in the book!

Hallelujah hippy!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Holy mother of cunting fuck! Hippy, where have you been?

Nowhere, really, except north London, where I belong. I’ve just been lazy, again.

I’ve not got loads to say, it’s been a pretty taxing week for me. No particular reason, except that life is often a struggle for everyone. How’s that for a cop out?

I’m back to work tonight, which I suppose makes me less lazy in general. It’s been an active night so far and I’ve still got a few hours to go. I can’t wait to get home and sleep, actually. I’m old and getting older and being a creature of the night is taking its toll on me.

I have one interesting thing to share with you all: I tried the P.E.P. Twisted pills on Saturday!

I liked them more than the “Love” version of P.E.P. pills, though they are both similar. The Twisted variety made me feel a bit more monged, kind of like a low-dose shroom trip. It was all very manageable and pleasant and I would definitely do them again. Colours were a little brighter, sounds a bit crisper and my thoughts were slightly skewed as well. Not bad for a fiver!

Actually, I did 3 of them, which is still a bargain at £7.50. I’d really liked to try the Stoned variety next, but they are proving harder to score. Mainly because they keep selling out, but I will find them eventually.

My brand new, black 60gb ipod has been shipped and I’m waiting to receive it. I think it comes from the factory somewhere in the far east, so fuck knows when I’ll actually have it in my sweaty little hands. I can’t wait till it comes!

Anyway, this is a brief hippy blast as I’m still lacking in anything interesting to say. Don’t worry, normal hippy service will resume soon.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Hello fuckers! Did ya miss me?

Of course you did, for a day without this hippy is like a day without sunshine!

Well, grab your shades because here I am; ready to rock your motherfucking world!

Dig it, fuckers!

I’ve been a naughty hippy; I haven’t posted anything here in days. Blame my manic approach to anything new. Specifically, I’ve been wrapped up in trying to prep video for my brand new iPod!

Ok, I don’t actually have the iPod yet, but I will soon. I ordered it from the online Apple store on Wednesday. I’m guessing it should be in my hot, sweaty little hands within a fortnight! I can’t wait!

I tried to score one from the Apple store on Regent Street, but they hadn’t received their first shipment yet. I popped in there, ready to spend, but they told me they didn’t expect them to arrive for at least another 10 days. I figured, screw it, I’ll have one delivered. And if you order it online, you can get it engraved. I’m having my “real life” email address etched in the back, for security rather than vanity’s sake.

I went for the 60 gigabyte version, in black. They are pure sex and I’ll be the coolest kid on the block once it arrives. (Eds: Aren’t you the coolest on the block already, anyway?)

I’ve already got my entire music collection ripped into iTunes – nearly 8gb of music. Plus, I’ve managed to encode a few feature films and concerts to playback on the new, video enabled iPod.

I’m assuming if I can get iTunes to play them; they will work on the iPod, but I won’t know for sure until I try. I know video is a bonus feature, but I would like it to work.

I’m becoming a semi-expert in digital video encoding and I’ve done loads of research and experimentation already. Basically, it’s not as easy as it could and should be.

First of all, you need Quicktime 7 Pro, which I have and updated as it can transcode and export anything QT can play into the iPod format. It takes forever, though, around 12-15 hours for a feature length video. I had a couple of films I downloaded on my hard drive and I’ve converted them already.

I’ve also noticed that material already formatted for the iPod is popping up on certain underground download sites. I’m sure that figure will increase as more people start using the new iPods.

I’ve also managed to rip and re-encode one DVD. It wasn’t easy and I’ve tried two different applications to rip it; one worked, one didn’t. The one that didn’t work is called Handbrake, which looks like a good program, but I couldn’t get the files to play. It rips and encodes at the same time and I’m guessing I didn’t do something right.

The program that worked is called “Mac the ripper” and decodes the DVD stream into a Video_TS folder. From there, I used ffmpeg to re-encode it to something that looks good played back on my computer, then used QT7 to make it iPod friendly. All of this took like 20 hours, which is a lot of time to invest and a normal user wouldn’t bother!

I’m not a normal user though, am I? I’m a hippy, with time on my hands!

Besides, you don’t need to sit in front of the computer while all this is happening. You can just start it running and walk away.

But as I’ve said, the real test is whether or not these items play on the iPod. Only time will tell! Please Mister Apple Man, send me my new iPod double-fucking-quick!

I’m at work tonight, making a guest appearance. Then I’m back next week, beginning a run of 12 nights out of 17. It’s going to be heavy duty, but don’t worry. I can take it, I’m fucking hardcore!

Anyway, I’d love to sit here and spout my patented brand of drivel all night, but I’ve got tobacco to smoke and hours to go before I can blast off!

Catch ya next time, fuckers!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Like yo!

I’m the hippy you all adore…
Perhaps because I’m a media whore!
If you think drugs are a real bore…
Perhaps you should flee through the nearest door!

Never attempt poetry first thing in the morning, especially bad poetry. It will come out even worse than you expected. If you don’t trust me, trust your eyes as they crawled over the above stanza. It’s a new low in my particular brand of drivel.

I’d love to be able to tell you I haven’t posted anything in the last couple of days because I’ve been trapped in some sort of drug induced coma, but no such luck. The great northlondonhippy legal high festival has been postponed.

Mrs. H wasn’t feeling well, so she cancelled her trip to visit her family. It wouldn’t have been fair on her to continue with the festival, as I would have been off my face while she wasn’t. That would not have been cool.

I still may attempt to sample something this week but not to the degree and variety I originally planned.

“Originally planned”? What do we all know about hippies and plans? Especially this hippy and any plan!

Life is far more interesting when you expect the unexpected. Anything can happen and anything usually does. I know this like I know my own name.

Besides, Mrs. H is far more important to me than drugs. And, I am still stoned all the time. I just never seem to count that. I smoke spliff the way normal people breathe air.

I saw an interesting article last week concerning a recent study on cannabis, which said, and I am paraphrasing here, that the active ingredients can be beneficial to the brain. Specifically usage made certain areas of the regenerate and it had a positive effect on serotonin production. Serotonin is the stuff prozac and other anti-depressives regulates.

So basically, I’ve been self-medicating to treat my own twisted form of depression for nearly 25 years. No wonder I’m so goddamn motherfuckingly sane!

I’ve just checked on Google news and it seems no one picked up on this particular study. It’s amazing, how much the mainstream press ignores good news about illegal drugs.

Imagine if they discovered that heroin cured cancer. That news would suppressed and people wouldn’t get any. If it confounds the establishment’s expectations, expect it to be buried.

Here in the UK, one of our main political parties is going through a leadership beauty contest. Because the campaign has gotten cunty, drugs have naturally become an issue.

One of the front-runners, a guy named David Cameron won’t comment on his past drug use. Good for him. It’s nobody’s business but his.

Don’t get me wrong, it would do the world of good if he came out and said “dig it, I like a puff and a line as much as the next guy even now”, but that’s not gonna happen. His experiences were more than likely when he was a uni student.

Cameron’s vulnerable on this because of something I mentioned earlier about him, his policy on drugs. All he’s done is ask the question, if our current policies don’t work, why don’t we re-think them from the ground –up and consider complete legalisation at the international level?

Smart guy, eh? Probably too smart for politics, but there ya go!

Recent polls confirm that most voters don’t give a shit if he smoked a joint or snorted some charlie 25-30 years ago. Cameron is probably the one Tory who might have half a chance of leading them back from obscurity and opposition. So if the party does reject him, they’ll get what they deserve: an even smaller and less effective presence in the House of Commons.

Like I care about the Torys!

I’m a one-issue guy. If you tell me you want to make all drugs legal, I’ll stuff envelopes for you. I might stuff myself with drugs while I’m doing it, but I’m sure you’d be cool with that!

I’ve got an easy workweek, this week. I’m only doing one night on Thursday. Next week, I’m effectively working 6 nights out of eight, then the following week, I’m doing six in a row!

Go on, you can envy me a little for my glamorous media lifestyle! But only because you don’t know how much it actually sucks!

Catch ya later my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!

Friday, October 14, 2005

Holy mother of cunt!

I’m still, still alive, just lazy.

A lazy hippy? Bet you thought that wasn’t possible!

Here’s the thing: I don’t always have time to spout my special brand of drivel. Sure, I try to make the time, every day, but I’m not always successful. I am most days, though, so what in the name of fuck are you complaining about anyway?

God, I’m tired. He won’t care. God doesn’t really like me, because he knows I’m after his job. And I’d do it better than he does, too. Straight after I smite all enemies, I’d set about putting the world right. It might take some time, since I have so many enemies to go after!

I’ve had a busy week at work, both in terms of my time and the demands on it. Hence being the northlondonhippy has not been its usual priority. Don’t you hate it when your job encroaches on your real life!

Luckily, that’s not happening tonight and it’s all cool. Thank fuck. If I wasn’t so goddamn tired, I’d be having a great night.

I even overslept tonight and there’s nothing worse than oversleeping when you work overnight. It really fucks you up.

Ok, there are worse things, like cancer or listening to a George W Bush speech, but neither is my concern. Today, anyway.

I’ve got one more night to go in this run, and then I have five nights off. Yipppeee to that motherfuckers. Mrs. H. is visiting relatives; I’m staying behind to kitten-sit and have a hippy of a time.

I’m going to have my very own drugfest, starting on Saturday night. I’ve got all those new legal highs to test drive, plus some very tasty spliff AND I even have the last of my shrooms. Assuming their still potent and effective, I could be enjoying my last gasp shroom-trip. Wouldn’t that be nice!

Also, if I can get all my bullshit chores out of the way, I’m going to immerse myself into a spot of music recording and guitar playing. I know I’ve been threatening to do this for ages, but I think I just might have enough time to put into exploring Logic Express. Let’s hope I can maintain my focus.

And speaking of Apple, the new iMacs look pretty fucking good! It means my 8 month old iMac is well and truly out of date already. So it goes. Every bit of electronics you purchase is nearly obsolete the day after you buy it anyway.

And how about those sexy new iPods. Yes, they can do video, but its not that simple. I downloaded the new iTunes software and updated QuickTime and attempted to import some .avi clips. It didn’t work, QT just got hung up as it was transcoding it to the iPod video format.

This sucks, as if I bought one, it would be to put downloaded video on, to watch when I’m out and about. Perhaps it’s a glitch in the new software or maybe it can’t cope with XviD format. The help and support files aren’t available just yet, so I haven’t been able to troubleshoot it yet.

If I can figure out how to make this process work, there’s a new black, 60gb iPod in this hippy’s future!

Anyway my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike, I’m off to fuel up on some more strong coffee and finish off the last five fun-filled hours of my shift. Sweet dreams!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Yes, I’m alive.

I just haven’t posted anything in a couple of days. It happens and I won’t make excuses. If I did, I would probably say my dog pee’d on yesterday’s entry. You wouldn’t believe me, anyway.

Besides, I don’t even have a dog. Maybe I pee’d on it myself?

No matter. I do have some good news: I scored a bit of weed! Yipppeee to that, fuckers!

I still don’t have a great new dope connection though, this was actually one last overpriced gasp from my former source. He won’t be an option again anytime soon, so I am still in need of a steady supply.

I know I should be growing my own, but it is just not an option in my current north London lair. At least I have some to enjoy now.

I had a particularly gruelling night at work on Sunday, which isn’t really a good thing. Not when it should have been “easy-money Sunday”. I earned my pay that night.

And rather than going to bed after this rather taxing shift, instead I came home and downed a few P.E.P LOVE pills! I’m still living that hippy life so you don’t have to!

I spent Monday under the influence of these amazing little pills. They were surprisingly fun and I was buzzing until midnight. For those of you who haven’t read my earlier entry, these pills are a legal alternative to ecstasy.

The main ingredient is piperazine, which is an extract of black pepper. That means its natural, man. Dig it!

I started out by taking 2 capsules, which is what you will find in the little pot it comes in. They cost about a fiver, which makes them pricier than regular “E’s”.

The max recommended dose is 4 caps, but I didn’t go that far, I only took one more cap 2 hours after the first dose. The effects lasted until I went to bed around midnight. Had I been properly rested, I have a feeling I might have kept going even longer.

The effects included waves of energy and body rushes, while mentally I was up and alert. Overall they were effective and fun, with no hangover and no unpleasant side effects.

Well, actually there was one unpleasant side effect: it made me piss like crazy. They have a bit of a diuretic effect and I pee’d out bucketloads!

I would definitely order them again and now I’m really looking forward to trying the TWISTED version. They also do a version called STONED and I would like to try them too, but I haven’t found anyone who has them in-stock. I’m sure I will!

Catch ya next time, fuckers!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Bad shit just keeps happening! It hasn’t been a great year.

Unless you’re god, in which case you’re having a great year demonstrating your wrath upon us poor humans.

If I was god, bad shit wouldn’t ever happen. Unless I didn’t like you, then I would smite your ass but good!

Southeast Asia suffered a devastating quake on Saturday morning, but if this is the first you’re hearing about it, you need to rethink your media consumption. I may be a source for amusement, entertainment and some information, but if this blog your primary source of world news, you got some real problems!

What is it about disasters and 2005? I know it’s supposed to be the year of the hippy and all, but did I inadvertently curse the world with my bad luck?

It really all started on Boxing Day last year with the Tsunami and hasn’t seemed to let up since. Hurricanes Katrina, Rita and Stan made their marks as well. And now, a big fuck-off quake.

Whatever next? Is that a question I should be asking? Let’s not tempt fate.

We pretend we own this planet, but we’re just tenants. Our landlord likes to fuck us around and he hates it when we do any modifications. It was the same when I lived in rented accommodation, my landlords didn’t like me customising the place either!

Alright already! We get you, hippy! We feel what you’re feeling! So the fuck what?

Indeed!

My desperate hunt for my favourite substance continues with no luck so far. I actually thought I had something arranged, but it ain’t happening now. This hippy needs heaps of weed and soon! I’m down to my last crumbs, leaves and flecks of bits of bud! God help us all!

I haven’t given up hope though. I’ve got 2 days off this week (don’t envy me for that glamorous media lifestyle!) as I’m working 6 outta the next 8 nights, so I’m hoping something will happen within that time. If it doesn’t, I guess I’ll just sob openly.

Sorry, I’m running out of steam. Maybe I’ll come back later. Maybe I won’t.

Oh and to my newest uber hippyfan, thanks again for that email! I hope you’ve seen my reply already, but if not, check your in-box! It’s always great to hear from any of you, my beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

It’s that time again, folks. The hour of the hippy is here!

Though if I spend an hour writing this interminable drivel, there must be something wrong with me…!

There’s lots wrong with me, but you all know that already or you wouldn’t keep coming back for more, more, MORE!

I am work, it’s around 4:30am London time. It’s easy money Friday or rather, Saturday now. I could be having more fun, I suppose, but I’m not complaining too much. There’s no point, since no one would pay attention anyway…

Except you, of course! And what can you do to fix or improve my life? Unless you’ve got heaps of cash or good drugs you’d like to give me, I expect there’s precious little you could actually do for me.

That’s ok, I don’t expect much from my hippyfans, except their rapt attention to every word I write!

There’s one particularly obsessive new hippyfan that SpyMeter tells me is trolling through the hippy archive in a very complete sort of way!

You know who you are, oh mystery hippyfan. I hope you’re digging everything I’ve written so far, plus everything to come! And don’t worry, I can’t identify you, but I know you’re there, watching everything I do.

I exist to amuse, inform and entertain so that’s what I’m here for! What is it you’re here for, again?

Keen hippyfans are always welcome to email or leave comments, you know! Go on, stroke my hippy ego! Stroke it! STROKE IT!!

You can’t tell me enough that I’m a genius. Try me and you’d be the first…

…but not the last! My genius will be recognised, at least by me, if no one else.

Don’t you think I need to expand my hippy empire beyond this blog? How about northlondonhippy branded rolling papers and bongs? Wanna invest?

What I really need to be doing is my own overnight radio show. I’m already a night person, so it would be easy for me. And just think of how much fun I’d have! I’d play records, take phone calls, sexually harass my female listeners and smoke copious amounts of skunky bud. You’d tune in, wouldn’t you?

Of course you would! It would be essential listening for one and all!

What I need to do is record a podcast or two and then start sending them out to London-based radio stations. How about “the northlondonhippy – overnight rock show”? It’s got winner written all over it!

No tv though. I can disguise my voice easily enough on radio, but hiding my identity on tv would be nigh impossible, so it has to be radio!

Call me if you’re a programme director here in London and let me sweet talk you into the sort of decision that would make your career! Hire me!

Here’s a thought: I wonder if I have any celebrity hippyfans? I bet I do, since celebs love drugs and a good laugh. This blog’s full of both!

So if you’re famous and you dig my blog, get in touch. I won’t ask you for a celebrity endorsement, but it would be nice to know someone fabulously well-to-do and well known digs the hippy!

I’ve got a feeling your out there, oh celebrity hippfans! Although, it could just be trapped wind.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Hello world!

I’m just killing some time really. It’s not like I have anything important to share with you.

Unless you think that just my being here is important. And I thought it was only me who believed that rubbish!

Did I win my BOB 2005 award yet?

Well, if not, why not? I fucking deserve one more than some blogger in some shit-assed country with no human rights who is risking their life every day just to share a little truth!

Maybe not, but I do serve my purpose. Whatever that purpose may be. I’m not really sure either. If you figure it out, could you please let me know too?

No, I don’t know what it is exactly I do, but I do know that I do it very, very well!

I’m the blogger you love and maybe lust after just a little bit. I used to be the most shroomtastic stoner on the internet, but not anymore…not since the British gov’t made my beloved magic mushrooms illegal!

I’m still the biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of, but not for long…! 2005 is the year of the hippy!

I’m living that hippy life so you don’t have to!

I’m blogging my life away, every night and every day, just for Y-O-U!

You don’t know how goddamn lucky you are!

I’ve just had a spliff that was a 3-way blend of weed, tobacco and the sacred blue lily of the Nile. Nice combo actually, though anything with cannabis rocks my boat.

I still haven’t scored, but not for lack of trying!

There’s a kylie out there with my name on it and soon it will be mine! I’ve got two more options that might yield something in the next day or so.

Cross your fucking fingers fuckers! My stash is lower than I like to see it, with only a few days of heavy smoking between me and a serious draught.

What’s a poor hippy to do? Come ‘round yours and skin up with your stash.

You’d love me as a houseguest! I’d bring cake! And I’d promise not to play too many rounds of pocket pool. At least not when you’re looking!

I’m listening to Mr. Brightside by the Killers. I’m still really digging this album. If you don’t have it, shame on you. It rocks!

With my entire music collection now on my iMac in iTunes, I’m Mister Instant Hippy Juke Box! Now all I need is an iPod.

I know, can you believe I don’t have one? I can’t believe it either.

I’m silly, I keep putting it off as I await the next big announcement from Apple.

There’s one expected next Weds, 12 October. Maybe, just maybe, my friends in Cupertino are about to launch the much anticipated video iPod.

That’s really what I’ve been waiting for. I want something pocket sized that will not only play music, but videos and films. Could that time finally be here? We’ll find out in about six days if I should warm up my VISA card.

Random iTunes! I’m listening to Steely Dan now, Hey Nineteen. The Cuervo Gold, the fine Colombian!

Colombian weed is actually shit! At least it was back in the day, when I used to get it in New York. We called it dirt weed, because it was all brown and dry and tasted like dirt. Sure, it got you high, but so does cleaning fluid.

I prefer organic, hydroponically grown gourmet skunkweed. The Dutch hybrids are the absolute best! Gurgle, drool, gurgle, as Homer Simpson might say!

Sorry, I was playing around with iTunes. The spliff I had, with the extra added ingredient has taken away my attention span and I’m easily distracted. Good drugs should always distract you a little bit or what's the point of taking them?

Robbie Robertson, Somewhere Down the Crazy River! Bet you don’t know that song. It’s wicked good!

I keep rediscovering all sorts of music I haven’t heard in years. I can’t wait till this capability is in my pocket too! I need an iPod, don’t I?

Ok, I give up, I’m going to buy one really soon.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Holy mother of fuck!

I’m really in the mood to swear unnecessarily tonight.

I’m in that sort of a cuntingly wonderful mood…!

How are you guys doing? My beloved hippyfans and fuckers alike! Is life treating you good?

If it were up to this hippy, you’d all win the lottery with 6 numbers plus the bonus ball! Remember, if I’m elected god, all the sex would be easy and all the good drugs would be free!

What about the bad drugs?

I read an interesting article in this week’s Time Out: London on the expected rise in crystal meth usage here. Its big in the states so it only makes sense that its on its way here.

Sorry, no hippylink this time, the story’s not online.

Now as the internet’s number drug user, when this hippy tells you something about a drug, you should really pay attention. Crystal meth is seriously bad shit.

The Japanese invented Crystal methamphetamine in 1919. It was synthesised in a lab from chemicals. That should be your first clue; it’s not natural.

Crystal meth is better known as speed, but you might also know it as crank, ice or tina. Its cheap and relatively easy to produce, which means it doesn’t need to be imported. You can cook it up near the distribution points.

Aside from keeping you awake, its addictive as fuck. It also makes you hypersexual and is apparently responsible for an increase in AIDS infections where it’s popular.

It rots your teeth, makes you forget to eat and runs you right down. Stay awake continuously for a week or two and see how you feel. When you crash, you come down hard and what follows is the deepest depression possible.

You know I don’t bullshit about drugs; I only speak the truth. Some drugs, like spliff, I adore. This one, however is best avoided at all costs.

Stay away from it kids, there’s better ways to get high!

Change up!

I never thought I’d ever see this in my lifetime, but the Catholic Church has admitted that not everything in the bible is true.

Those of us with a modicum of intelligence could have told you this. I’m still impressed as it means the next logical step for the Pope is to admit that god doesn’t exist. Perhaps that will come next year.

Sorry, if you believe in god. Really, sorry! There’s no Santa Claus either. Or Tooth Fairy. I’m shattering all the myths tonight!

And to round out this rambling entry, I want to mention an idea so simple, you’ll wish you thought of it yourself.

A university student set up the Million Dollar Home Page and he’s already banked £150K at it. Not bad for a month’s work.

It’s such a simple concept. He’s selling 10 x 10 pixel squares (minimum) for 100 US dollars. You can buy more than that, of course, in increments of the same size and use it to advertise anything you like, complete with a link to your site.

Yes, I am tempted to buy a square for this blog. How about a 10 x 10 pixel marijuana leaf with a link to me? One hundred dollars is only about sixty-five quid and the site will stay live for at least 5 years. I could afford that and just think of all the new hippyfans it might bring in! We’ll see.

Anyway, that rounds off another instalment from the internet’s favourite and best loved hippy. Tune in tomorrow for another one of my wild and wacky adventures!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

First, I want to thank the helpful hippyfan who left a comment on the blog with some dope buying advice for me. Specifically he told me to go look for some rasta guy in Kennington Park between 10am and noon. I can’t say I’m going to actually do this , but I appreciate this person took the time to leave me the information.

The truth is, if I get that desperate; I can head off to Camden or Brixton, where street dealers are tripping over each other in search of your trade. If you want a ten-pound deal, it’s a reasonable option. These days, according to reports from friends, it’s rare to get ripped off.

My problem is a ten-pound deal wouldn’t last a voracious dopehead like myself for more than ten minutes and then what? I’m back out there on the street, scoring more, like some god-awful crackhead! I know I can do better.

The sort of connection I’m seeking is the kind you can visit and do the deal in-doors. I’m not really into buying drugs on the street. I prefer to have a bit of privacy and security. I also prefer to buy from someone trustworthy and consistent.

Like I said earlier, a good weed dealer is not easy to find. I’m patient. I’ll do what I need to do to keep myself in spliff. I’ve got a couple decades plus of practise!

My dream would be to get referred to a happening delivery service. I know they exist, I just don’t know anyone who’s currently on their books. That’s the thing, you need to be referenced before they’ll even think about letting you become a customer.

So if you’re reading this and you know about one of these fine, high-end, delivery services, you could do a very good deed and hook up this well-known, respected and loved internet hippy with them.

Sorry, I’m getting distracted. I’m listening to music via iTunes and a pair of wireless headphones and I’ve got it set to “random”. Holiday by Green Day just came on and I dig it!

Hard-Fi now, Hard to Beat – wicked album! It’s fucking groovy! Just buy it! It's worth your hard earned cash!

But that’s not getting me any dope either! Maybe you have a friend of a friend, who’s a proper dealer. You know, they’re always home, waiting for your call to score anything from a henry to a kylie!

Do you know the difference between a henry and a kylie? Cool, then you’re the hippyfan who can probably help me! I need to meet your dealer!

I’m a great customer. I’m low-key, discreet and regular. I’m good for at least a kylie a month, usually in one go. Sometimes, even two a month, if I’m feeling particularly in need!

Anyway, you know the score, this hippy needs to! If you can help, I’ll be your best-est friend! I’m come to your house, get you stoned, tell jokes and maybe even touch-up your sister or your mum, depending on which one is fitter (and closer to my advanced age!)

Whatever it takes, this hippy needs his weed! I’ve got a new bong to feed! As well as a serious weed addiction!

Anyway, enough of that. Let’s talk about how much you all lust after me.

Ok, maybe not. But you should humour me anyway. Lord knows I’ve earned it!

Monday, October 03, 2005

This morning, my drug of choice is sugar…!

I’m currently shovelling spoonfuls of “Crunchy Nut – Nutty Cornflakes” cereal from Kelloggs and man is it good! It’s like regular old “Honey-Nut Cornflakes” with the added bonus of extra nuts AND caramel nut clusters. Mmmmm, mmmmm, it’s good. Dig it, fuckers!

The sugar has perked me right up; I was feeling listless and starting to flag a bit, before I filled up a fantastic bowl-full! I didn’t eat anything at work last night. Instead, I drank a lot of coffee.

Don’t try this at home, fuckers!

I abuse myself in so many different ways, its no wonder I can barely keep track. Eating badly, sleeping irregularly, not getting much exercise, smoking too much, need I go on?

At least I’m honest! And I am really digging this cereal!

Do you think Kelloggs would appreciate an endorsement of their product from an internet celebrity like myself? Probably not, but tough, I like it anyway!

For those of you who are keeping track at home, the phone call I was waiting for on Saturday, didn’t come and the expected weed purchase did not happen. This is not good news.

A good quality, reliable dope connection shouldn’t be this difficult to find. I don’t ask for much, just high grade skunky bud at a reasonable price. You can’t say fairer than that!

In my 20-odd years of taking drugs, I’ve yet to actually encounter one of those mythical “pushers” that you were always warned against. There’s enough demand for illicit substances that no one has to push anything on anyone that they don’t already want.

Dealers, on the other hand, tend to be an honourable breed and a good, reliable one is a godsend. I meant it, god really sends dealers down to us, so be extra nice to them. Think of them as angels.

Dealers are your friends, your family, your work colleagues or your neighbours. Anyone can be a dealer and the really good ones are discreet about it. People buy and sell gear all the time and always have. It’s not such a big deal.

No, I don’t mean crack houses or crack dealers, but even they don’t force anyone to take anything. The demand is limitless.

Its like Tupperware or Amway for the 21st century!

How many well-known brands can I piss off in one entry?

McDonaldsCokeSonyBurgerKingPanasonicToshibaKFCNikeAppleAddidasLeviMarlboroPepsi…

Oh, I’m bored already. Google is my friend, though, so CLICK HERE for the top 100 brand names. I can’t be bothered to list them all.

Where was I? Oh yes, singing the praises of Kelloggs Nutty-nut-nutty cereal and bemoaning my lack of a cannabis connection.

Things could get dire for this hippy. I actually might have to face the world 100% sober. That would be a tragedy of the highest order.

I won’t last five minutes, before I’m inhaling fumes from my disposable cigarette lighter or licking giant Amazonian toads for their hallucinogenic effects. Or both. I’ll be trying to smoke lawn clippings, because like, hey man, it’s all grass.

I’ll be climbing the fucking walls like a psychotic spider, revved up on my own thoughts, which would be allowed to run free. We can’t let this happen!

I’m psychologically addicted to marijuana. There, I said it, are you satisfied now?

I don’t see addiction as a bad thing. Some people might say I’m weak, but I prefer the term “self-indulgent”.

My brain is convinced I need weed, where in reality, I don’t physically crave it. I know the difference, because I smoke tobacco too.

Tobacco is addictive as fuck! When I don’t have a cigarette for even a little while, I can feel it, like that monkey on my back. The cravings can be so strong that you’ll have trouble concentrating for very long. Then you’ll get ratty and snap at someone.

Did you know the sharp rise in air-rage incidents on passenger jets could be correlated against nearly the exact point in time when airlines banned smoking on flights.

Why do you think I always wear a nicotine patch when I fly? I don’t want to kill anyone when I’m 40,000 feet above ground. That would really suck, I mean, how would you dispose of the body?

Ba-dum-bum

I mean seriously, kids! What’s this hippy gonna do if the weed-well runs well and truly dry? It is too frightening to even ponder the possibility, so here’s my latest wild and wacky plan:

Help the hippy score some dope!

Someone out there reading this has got to have a great dope connection, somewhere in London. If you don’t, then someone you know will and if they don’t, they’ll know someone else until eventually all of London will be trying to find me a weed connection. It can’t lose!

My first choice would be one of those posh delivery services. You’ve probably heard of them too, maybe you’re already on the list and can refer me…? I’d be a great customer, loyal, regular and ready to drop some serious dosh in return for some tasty, skunky bud!

Next, would be just a good old-fashioned dealer. It would still be nice to find one that delivered, but I’m willing to visit them, of course. I’m cool, I’m hip, I’m the hippy you can feel good about introducing to anyone who sells what I need!

My last choice is for you, my loyal hippyfans to just give me your stash. Look, I wouldn’t be asking for you to part with your personal puff unless it was for a damn good reason.

Can you think of a better reason than just giving it to me?

I didn’t think so!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I miss magic mushrooms! I wish they were still legal and freely available here in the UK.

I say this now as I just watched Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” music video and it made me remember the first time I saw it. That first time, probably right around a year ago was while I was under the influence of shrooms.

Magic mushrooms enhance your senses; they’re heightened to a state of super-reality. Your vision and hearing especially sharpen, with music sounding incredibly crisp and especially dynamic and your eyes reveal a level of detail you would never have imagined possible.

I discovered lots of great new music while shroomed to the gills. American Idiot by Green Day, Hot Fuss by the Killers, Fly or Die by N*E*R*D, Speakerboxx/The Love Below by Outkast; the list is long!

That’s what I think I miss the most about shrooms; getting lost in front of the music video channels for a few hours with my mushroom god! Oh how he must think I’ve abandoned him!

The mushroom god? You really need to catch up on your hippy history!

The mushroom god used to visit me and show me all the amazing sights and sounds when I took them. I even had a special song for him, which doesn’t merit repeating now.

A true hippyfan would see that as a challenge! Google could be your friend on this one! It was just mine!

Speaking of Google, many of my future hippyfans reach me this way. It always astounds me to see what combination of words leads people to this very page.

The best one recently was this: “streets in north London with hookers”.

That information has never been available in my blog, until now!

Seven Sisters Road is a well known spot for street whores, but watch out! The local cops know this too and they’re often out there arresting guys.

I read the papers, OK? I’ve never partaken of that particular north London peculiarity.
I received my P.E.P. pills today, the Love and Twisted kind, three pots of each, with each one containing 2 capsules. They’re legal highs and they are suppose to be good. I don’t know if I’ll sample them today, but I am tempted. If not today, then later in the week.

The problem with good is it won’t pick up the word “P.E.P. with the punctuation and will just see it as “pep”, even with quotation marks. I know this because I searched for them myself.

I’ll still review them anyway, because that’s just the kind of hippy I am!

I also received the Divine pills, which bill themselves as the “ultimate chiller”. Based on the ingredients, which I mostly recognise, I think they will work too. I probably will try these later tonight.

They ran out of the Dionysos, the trippy ones, but they said they would send them to me early next week. Those were the ones I wanted to try the most, but they’ll have to wait!

I also bought THIS BONG. I know I didn’t need to, but it looked very cool and it wasn’t that expensive. I’m going to give it a whirl tonight. It’s very cool, but twice the size of what I was expecting. It’s huge!

It’s got a twist in it, which creates an ice-notch, which is mighty fine. I’ve got some cubes in the deep freeze right now! Yippppeeee!

I’m actually waiting for a phone call, which could mean the weed I am waiting for is ready for collection. This is through a third party, which is never ideal when it comes to a drug deal. It’s always better to make contact directly. That may come after today as I am suppose to meet “the man” himself.

All this is quite local to me, which is a major plus. My last contact just went out of business. I’ve been scoring off him for over 15 years, so this is a bummer of near epic proportions.

His stuff wasn’t cheap, but it was always of the highest quality. I’ll miss what he used to provide for me, consistently and regularly.

This new guy gets very commercial skunkweed, which is not bad, but no where near the quality I’m used to this days. Also, the last time I had something from him, it was seriously under-weight. This time, I’m going to bring my scale with me as a little surprise. The look on his face when I withdraw it from my pocket will tell me just as much as the digital read-out when I drop the bag on it. That should be fun!

I know I’ve said this before, but each time I repeat it, it is with a higher note of desperation. Do you, my beloved hippyfan, have a reliable dope connection in London? How about one of those high-class, delivery companies? That would really be ideal!

I am in need of a brand new, high end, cannabis contact. If you could help me with this, you would be doing this hippy a huge favour! I’m a great customer, actually. Regular and prolific, I like to buy a reasonable amount when I shop. Your dealer would thank you for introducing them to someone as cool as me!

Go on, you know it makes sense!

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